Footwear

My kids are rockin' the Crocs today. Their Auntie had ordered them each a pair and they arrived yesterday. So cute! Maddie has fuchsia Mary Janes and Riley has orange Caymans. The shoes are a little big, but so practical! And colorful! And cute!

Geekily enough, I ordered myself a pair of fuchsia Mary Janes to match Maddie's. They also arrived yesterday. We have mother/daughter shoes! My office is pretty casual, but not casual enough for the Crocs, so I'm afraid that I'm not sporting mine today. But this weekend: family Croc time.

Did it.

I ran!

OK, I jogged.

Very, very slowly.

It felt great.

Most of the time.

We'll see what I say tomorrow.

The twins were seriously grouchy when I picked them up from daycare. Riley appears to be making a play to be a one-nap baby when clearly he's not actually ready for such a thing. But he did successfully hoodwink his daycare providers into not making him take his afternoon nap, meaning that he was a full-on Crankmeister when I picked him up. Thank goodness I had a plan. I got home, threw them in the (free from another mom of twins, very well worn but serviceable) jogger and off we went! I think I ran/walked about 2 miles. The conditions were not ideal (out-of-shape self, high humidity, after-work lethargy), but I plodded on. And boy did I plod. Oh, oh. Sad. As DoctorMama warned, I would have been embarrassed to see anyone I knew. Hell, I was somewhat embarrassed to see people I didn't know! But there was a bit of a breeze, the kids napped the whole way, and I was out there. I even passed a few people! Of course, they were walking. And it's not a competition. But still!

When we got home, we played on the deck for a bit. I wheeled Riley around in the Cozy Coupe and we splashed in the wading pool. Then I fed the twins dinner, gave them a bath, and threw 'em in their cribs. They made nary a peep. Tired wee ones.

I have that energized-from-exercise high, and I've been abuzz since the kids went down. I have a load of laundry in, some baby food a-cookin', and I ordered a certified copy of my birth certificate (bless the Internet), which is something I need to deal with one of John's retirement accounts. Yes, a certified copy of MY birth certificate. Don't even get me started. I have our marriage certificate, which this particular company also wants, but evidently that's not enough. Gar.

Since I "work" at home on Fridays, I'm trying to take care of some chores tonight so that I can spend some time relaxing tomorrow. I've no doubt that I can get a bunch of stuff done and free the time up tomorrow; whether or not I use that time for myself is a different matter entirely. I'm hopeful. I'm definitely going to cook a veggie curry recipe from a fairly recent Cook's Illustrated that I've wanted to make for a while. That counts as time for me since semi-serious cooking is something I really miss.

The weekend is shaping up nicely. I have a friend coming over tomorrow night to help with babies and wine-drinking. Saturday I'm hoping to take a walk with friends at some point, then I have a babysitter coming for after the twins go down and I'm heading to a grown-up party with drinks and fancy food and cooler-than-me music and stuff. Oooh. Sunday I'm hoping to see some friends with boy/girl twins in the morning, then in the afternoon I'm headed to another one-year-old birthday party. We know how to have a good time around here.

For now, I'm off. To eat. Something healthy! Not sure what yet.

Taking Control

I have been rather low lately. Not without reason, I don't think, but I'm getting to that point where I'm tired of feeling that way, tired of medicating with food, not exercising, not taking care of myself. Tertia's list was a real inspiration to me; I could relate to so many of her goals and her final one really hit home for me: I want to start liking myself again. Deep down, I never stopped, but I have let some things go and I want to start getting back on top of my game.

I've been mulling over how to make the changes I want to make, and my plan is starting to fall into place. Here's my Tertia-style list of things I'd like to do for myself:

1. Start exercising again. I feel so soft and flabby.
2. Lose a little weight. I hate that my favorite clothes feel tight and that I choose my outfit for the day based on what I have that is both clean and stretchy.
3a. Start eating better. My kids eat great: tons of fresh fruit and veggies, very balanced meals. Me? I get what's leftover and what I have the energy to prepare once the kids are in bed. I'm low on veggies and high on Oreoes.
3b. Keep working on my list of things that both the kids and I like to eat so that I'm not cooking a meal for them and a meal for me. Variety is less important than simplicity.
4. Finish the kids' b-day thank-you notes.
5. Finish my sympathy thank-you notes.
6. Start simple savings accounts for the kids. Local bank? (convenient, but not interest-bearing) ING Direct? (unclear how this would work for babies since needs to be linked to checking account)
7. Complete paperwork related to two of John's retirement accounts to which I still don't have access.
8. Consolidate various life insurance and retirement accounts into a rainy day fund and a longer-term investment account.
9. Catch up on baby photos/books (with Mom's help).
10. Make appointment with new PCP.
11. Make appointment with eye doctor.
12. Complete planning for John's August memorial.

Whew. It's a lot. The first three are more lifestyle changes than "to-do" items, and those are the ones that are more important to me. I've got a plan in place for all three of them, though.

EXERCISE
DoctorMama is my guru. I am a maggot. If the good Doc can start running in the morning, I can start running after work. I packed my running clothes today, and I'm going to change before I go get the kids. I often take a stroll with the twins after work, but today it's a jog. Since I've set aside the time in my schedule already, it's just a matter of bringing my clothes to work and kicking myself in the arse. We'll see how it goes.

I also might start doing T-Tapp a few mornings a week before the twins get up. There is a 15-minute T-Tapp workout that can't hurt; I might try to do that on days I don't run. I'm going to give myself a week or two to see how the running goes, then try implementing the T-Tapp.

LOSING WEIGHT/EATING
The weight loss thing is, of course, tied to the eating thing. It's also tied to the exercise thing. I've never owned a scale and don't plan to buy one; I don't actually care what my weight is, but I do care about how my clothes fit and how jiggly my arms, thighs, and belly have become. I actually don't think that my weight is much, if any, higher than it was before I got pregnant, but between having borne twins and not exercising, I'm shaped somewhat differently.

So, exercise will help me get my shape back under control, and eating better will help me have the energy to exercise more and will help me lose weight if there is some to lose. I know my body well enough to know that if I'm eating right and exercising regularly, I settle in at a weight that I feel comfortable with, although I couldn't tell you what that weight is.

Summer is a good time to resolve to eat better what with lots of fruit and veggies out there. I just need to eat them. As stated in my list, my kids eat great. I just need to make enough for me, not just for them because when I get right down to it, when I say "eat better," what I mean is that I need to eat more fruit and veggies and fewer bowls of ice cream.

Part of my eating better involves a decision I've been kicking around for quite a while, and even have an unfinished post on. I'm going to become a pseudo-vegetarian, and raise my kids the same way. I like meat—don't get me wrong—but I don't like it enough to cook it at home. Plus I have some issues with the meat industry. Someday maybe I'll get my post on this finished. In any case, I've almost never cooked beef at home, chicken bores me most of the time, and pork is fine, but it's not like I'd miss it. So I'm going to be what I'm calling an Opportunistic Carnivore. I hate to be that pain in everyone's ass when invited over to eat, and I don't want people having to deal with my dietary issues when out or at someone's house. So if served meat, I will eat it. At home, no. Same for the twins. My pediatrician has raised her kids this way, and it seems sensible to me. I find that I will eat more veggies if I need to incorporate them into my main course, so for me, I think going veggie most of the time will help me eat the way I want to eat.

I've got a fairly decent, if not expansive, repertoire of things that the kids and I will all eat:

quesadillas
enchiladas
mac'n'cheese w/veggies
tortellini/ravioli
spinach pie
quiche, with or without crust
lentil casserole
veggie burgers
hummus (kids are lukewarm, but have only had it once)

I'm always looking to add to my list. Any ideas? I'll do more soups in winter, but summer is not the best soup time. Although I just remembered a really good cold pea soup recipe that I have . . .

OK, I need to get on with my day. One final note: work continues to look up. My job description has been revised so that I now directly supervise someone in my department, giving me some management experience that I've been wanting for a while. I'm also doing some writing, which I enjoy.

And! I finished Tsotsi last night. Loved it. The ending was perfect. Loved it, loved it. I cried and cried, but it was so very good. More movies for me in the future. I'm also going to borrow the complete Arrested Development from a friend so that I can balance movies with some TV entertainment.

I feel good today, more centered than I have for a while, even while being aware of and honoring the constant sadness I carry from John's absence. I feel like moving ahead.

Updates

Underwear
Because you have all been on the edges of your seats wondering how my underwear is working out for me . . . the boyshorts are growing on me. They are really comfortable and stay put, so no fault there. I think the unsexy feeling they give me has less to do with the underwear and more to do with having a flabby, post-twin belly. Much as I wish that were the underwear's fault, I think I need to be honest about the real problem. Hmm.

Madeleine
She walks everywhere now. It's adorable. She's very steady on her feet and can even get over the lip of the baby gates without falling (most of the time). When she does fall, she just gets right back up and keeps going.

Also, she has a second tooth! Bottom left center. Go, Maddie!

Riley
Riley has determined that he is the funniest person on the planet. He laughs at himself all the time. It's very cute.

Firsts
Over the weekend, the twins fingerpainted for the first time. Translation: Over the weekend, the twins got stripped down to their diapers and used their hands to cover their bodies with fingerpaint. Good thing we were in a friend's backyard and could move seamlessly from the fingerpainting table to the wading pool. Hooray for backyard baths!

The twins also ate Greek food for the first time this weekend at a Greek festival sponsored by the church that a good friend of mine attends. Riley ate a piece of spinach pie that was the size of his head. Awesome. The kids also had their faces painted by an enterprising bunch of youths who charged me $2 to paint a "flaming lightning bolt" on Riley's head. I guess it was supposed to be some kind of Harry Potter-esque looking thing, but it made the Ri-Man look like he had a concussion. Maddie got a heart painted on her hand which she immediately smeared around into a red blob. Still, fun.

Home Improvement
My mom and stepdad are here. They arrived the day after I had the cat put to sleep (a day also known as Sunday, June 17, also known this year as Father's Day). This was great timing. I really needed some emotional and physical bolstering. It's been great to have them around.

I took yesterday off of work and ferried my stepdad to Home Depot for some supplies. I have a 20' x 20' deck in front of my house in lieu of a yard. It's awesome. We have a deck tent and everything. Only problem is that it's 100% not child-friendly. My stepdad is childproofing my deck for me. Happy first b-day, twins! It's gonna be great. We have a Little Tikes pizza oven to put out there, a wading pool, a bin of plastic food . . . we're going to spend a lot of time on that deck this summer. Wish we could have a mini-fridge and freezer for easy-access cool drinks and Popsicles.

First Birthday Parties
The twins' first birthday party is this Saturday. There will be 50+ people there. Huh. It was one of those all-or-nothing kinds of things: either only immediate family or everyone we know. First b-days are especially huge for Koreans, so I decided to just go whole-hog. Well, simplified whole-hog. There will be snacks and cupcakes and drinks and socializing for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoon. I'm looking forward to it. I hope the twins won't be totally overwhelmed. I'm going to be totally overwhelmed . . . my mom and stepdad are already here (staying with me), my dad gets here Wednesday, and my mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law get here on Friday. Only my mom and stepdad are staying at the house, but that's still a lot of people who are going to want twin-time. Wish me luck on what will certainly be a crazy weekend.

Time to go home from work and hang out with the kids and my parents. Ahhhh. I need all the rest I can get before Friday.

Ahhhhhhh

Vermont was awesome. The kids did great in the car both on the way up and on the way back. They napped for the first half of the trip each way. Once they woke up, we stopped at the next rest stop, went to the bathroom/got clean diapers, had a snack/coffee, and then continued on. I was able to toss toys back fairly effectively and fussing was minimal.

Spending time with my friends was fantastic. They took such good care of us. The twins played in a sandbox for the first time, ate waffles and strawberry shortcake, slept long and hard both at night at at naps, got pulled around in a wagon, and practiced their walking. I drank a lot of wine after hours and basked in the comfort of good friends. It's nice to know that the kids travel so well (at least for now) and having our first solo trip behind us makes me more likely to take them up there (or on other such trips) again soon.

I'll post pictures once I can download them from my camera—battery's currently dead.

Tired Ramblings

Today I am exhausted. I took a nap for the first time since John died. I'd gone outside with a book, intending to enjoy the perfect weather and read a bit, but I didn't even last five minutes before I was back inside and in my bed. I fell asleep hard and fast, and if I hadn't had to go get the twins, I would have kept sleeping.

My whole body hurts. The kids had colds all weekend, so maybe I'm coming down with something. I think, though, that it's more likely that all of the grief and the doing is catching up with me. I felt leaden today, unable to think clearly, barely able to muster the energy to do what needed doing around the house.

Maddie and Riley were cranky after daycare today. I think after three days of pretty mellow at-home time, they were a little overwhelmed by all of the goings-on. I was thankful that a friend was over to help me with bedtime as an extra set of hands is especially welcome when small people have the crankies.

I've been puttering around since my friend left, trying to find something appealing to eat, passing the time before 24 comes on at 9:00 p.m. I'm ready for some mindless TV.

When I woke up at 6:30 this morning, all was silent on the baby monitor. By the time I was out of the shower at around 6:45, both kids were awake. They were both laughing uproariously, totally entertained by each other. It was so much fun to hear. I almost hated to interrupt them by going in to get them up, but I wanted in on the action. I wish I could have kept that sound and feeling of their laughter with me all day. I replayed it in my head, but it wasn't the same.

I want John back.

One Foot in Front of the Other

My mom left this morning. I miss her already. My dad is here now, which is nice and very helpful, but it's not the same as having Mom around. She probably won't be back until the twins' first birthday party in June. That seems so far away, but I have a feeling the time will fly.

I have started dealing with the bureaucracy of death. I made that horrible call to Social Security to set up an appointment about survivors' benefits for the twins. The soonest I can get in is 15 May. I've also been in touch with the group that administers one of John's retirement funds, and I've started looking into donating John's car to charity. I'm trying to take care of at least one item of business a day. I figure that pace is manageable and will get me through it all in a relatively timely fashion. Of course, I may hit the end of my gogogo phase soon and take a break from it all, but we'll see.

The twins are starting to sleep better (knock on wood). They have done great on the last two nights and I hope we're turning the corner on the 5:00 cranky wakeups for now.

I'm surprised by the way I miss John. I expected that I would be a tearful, hopeless mess for a while. That might come. For now, I feel an odd combination of relief for John that he is no longer sick and a hollow sadness like a dull ache, all the time. A particularly touching card or shared memory will make the pain more sharp and bring on the tears, but for now, I mostly feel a constant, lonely grief.

My mom and I were driving around the other day trying to go to REI. I wasn't sure what exit it was off the highway; John was always at the wheel for our REI trips. As I turned off at the third incorrect exit, I almost said to my mom, "Well, duh, we should just call John and ask him where it is. I know that he knows." This has happened to me a few times now, where I feel like John's just away for a while, or at work or something. If only that were more than wishful thinking.

For those of you who were wondering, GH stands for Goose Husband, although for those of you who thought it might be Gorgeous Husband, I'm not going to argue.

The Weekend, Two Versions

Version One: The Good

• Lots of help with the twins.
• Spending quality time with my siblings-in-law, both of whom are bright, talented, and caring people.
• Taking the twins to the park, where they got to swing and go down the giant slide.
• Walks in warm, sunny weather.
• As mentioned in the previous post, getting loads of good stuff at the moms of twins yard sale, and selling some stuff that we don't need anymore. I think I broke even.
• New clothes from my sister-in-law. She keeps me vaguely stylish.
• A playdate with a friend and her daughter. Maddie and Riley ate big hunks of bagel and loved them!
  

Version Two: The Whiny

• The twins deciding that 5:30 a.m. is a great time to wake up. Not only is it a great time to wake up, it's a great time to wake up and sob! until! mom! comes! to get us!
• My brother-in-law leaving empty chip wrappers, computer cords, books, CDs, and all manner of other random crap all over the house. He is such a slob!
  
• My brother- and sister-in-law taking a nap when I got home from the yard sale on Saturday. I had gotten up at 5:30 a.m. to pump, then worked from 6:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Did anyone ask if I wanted a nap? (Hint: the answer starts with n and ends with o.)
  
• My sister-in-law pushing me to talk about issues that GH and I haven't even discussed yet. She wants us to be prepared, but we'll do things on our own timetable, thank you. And some things are not her business no matter how much she wants them to be.

Overall, more good than whiny. But what's up with the sudden 5:30 a.m. wakup from the twins? Any parents out there have any ideas? They used to sleep until 6:30 a.m. then wake up happy and talk to each other for 15-20 minutes. I like the old version better.

Status not Quo

Took Thursday off work. Had a nice day with GH, running errands, eating lunch out, just being together, crying and laughing. It's just absurd to talk about where you want to be buried and have it be a legitimate conversation, you know?

Friday my brother- and sister-in-law arrived for the weekend. The timing was fortuitous because I was slated to work at the yard sale for my local moms of twins club. Sure, I could have gotten out of it, but I was actually really looking forward to it. It all worked out because GH basically spent all day Friday in bed. He was just exhausted and could not get up. His mind felt hazy and his body followed suit. It was scary, especially since his oncologist said that if his liver continues to fail, the main symptoms will be sleepiness, nausea, and difficulty eating, all of which he has had in spades over the past few days. He might also have pain, but so far that's not a real issue.

Today I worked at the twin sale again, leaving GH and his siblings in charge of the kids. Thank goodness the sibs were here as GH was often out of commission, although he was better today than yesterday.

I feel so sad and so angry. It's terrifying that suddenly GH's physical condition is palpably worse. I don't want to spend our time together talking about managing his family, making plans for us to get a roster of friends signed up to help us in the evenings, and taking care of chores.

I'm planning to be at work next week, but to start laying the groundwork for a leave.

Honestly, I feel like I'm an actor in someone else's life. This can't really be my life, can it?

Oddly, one of my coping mechanisms since Wednesday's appointment has been retail therapy. I abhor shopping, yet suddenly I want to spend, spend, spend. I have directed my urge to spend towards the twins. I got them sun hats at Target on Thursday, then went a little crazy at the twin sale. I found some really cute clothes for cheap, and a bunch of fun toys: a bead maze, a shape sorter, a Little Tykes ride-on/push car, a Little Tykes pizza oven, a Melissa and Doug tool box, a Fisher-Price popcorn popper push toy, and a few puzzles. The kids are thrilled. They are loving the Little Tykes car, although it's a tad big for them. I can't wait for warmer weather to put them in their new summer clothes.

My sister- and brother-in-law had to help me put the twins to bed tonight; GH wasn't up to it. My sibs-in-law were great, but the kids know the difference. Riley was so upset that I had not been the one to change him into his pjs that he sobbed for almost 10 minutes when I put him in bed. I finally had to go in and rock him for a few minutes, sing him a song, and try again. He went right down then. Poor little man. Maddie coped better, but shed a lot of tears on the changing table when GH was not there to get her ready. Sigh.

Our consult with Mr. Big Important Doctor is Wednesday, although Mr. BID is on vacation, so we're seeing one of his colleagues. I'm trying to keep the faith, but I have to tell you that I'm losing ground daily. GH's condition has so clearly declined sharply in the past few days.

I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. I don't want to share GH with anyone right now. I want him all to myself for as long as I can have him. Oh, there are so many things that I want, so many things.

Nine Months

A few days late, the twins had their nine-month checkup with the pediatrician today. The numbers:

Riley is 19lbs, 5oz and 27.5 inches long. He was, however, screaming at the top of his lungs while getting measured*, and the good doctor thinks that his height measurement was a little off. He's probably a bit longer.

Maddie is 18lbs, 15oz and 27.75 inches long.

Both babies are around the 50 percentile mark for weight. Maddie is 75th percentile for height, while Riley is somewhere between 25th and 50th, but that is probably off. Both of them are 90th percentile for head size. They take after their dad.

Everything looked great. Riley has a bit of eczema. Maddie has a fungal infection on her girl parts. Both kids are "blessed" with sensitive skin from Mom and Dad. We got the green light to introduce dairy and eggs and let them play with finger food. Let the games begin!

The pediatrician, who I love, ended the appointment by saying, "They are perfect." I already knew that, but it was nice to hear it from a professional.

*GH and I dropped the kids off at daycare at 8:30, went out for breakfast, then picked them back up at 9:45 for a 10:00 appointment. Normally they get bottles at 10:00; I had asked the women at daycare to not feed them before we picked them up so that I could just breastfeed them at the doctor's office. Well, Riley saw one of the other kids getting a bottle--an Avent, just like he takes--at 9:30 and he freaked out because he wanted a bottle, too. Poor little man! He had to wait until we got to the doc's and he got all weighed and measured. Sometimes it's hard to be a baby.

Operation Cheerios

Our normal morning routine involves the twins playing with toys in their clip-on high chairs while GH and I eat some oatmeal before getting on with the day. I love family breakfast time. The twins are usually happy to just hang out and it's a nice time for us all to be together.

This morning, Madeleine was cranky for no reason that I could discern, and Riley was seriously indignant that GH would not share his oatmeal. Riley! You just breastfed for twenty minutes! I thought to myself. But hey, a boy can still be hungry, right? So I decided that it was time for Operation: Cheerios.

We'd put off giving the twins Cheerios (in our case, Trader Joe's Os) because our pediatrician had said no wheat until nine months. Also, Riley has a tendency to gag on food that is not pureed. Well, nine months came and went last week and I didn't have any pureed food thawed (plus I wanted to eat my own breakfast, not feed the babies!), so I threw some Os in front of the twins and let them go wild.

GH and I tried to show them how to eat the cereal, but they didn't really get it. It did keep them occupied, though, as they tried to pick the rounds up. I popped a couple of pieces (one at at time, natch) into Ri-Man's mouth, and he looked confused but did gum them and swallow them without incident. Maddie was like Fort Knox when I tried to put any in her mouth, but she did like throwing them on the floor.

And just like that, another new era in their lives has begun.

More Food

Inspired by noodles and beer night, I cooked again yesterday after the twins went down. This time, I tried a new Cook's Illustrated recipe, "Thai Chicken Soup at Home," a use-stuff-from-your-pantry version of the coconut milk-based soup that's always on the menu at Thai places. I'm both a whore for Cook's and a whore for this soup, so I could hardly resist the siren call.

Cook's recipes can be a bit fussy, but they usually yield excellent results. This particular recipe, however, was relatively straightforward. It went together in about 45 minutes and it was everything I wanted it to be. MMM. No beer this time, but a nice glass of wine made an excellent accompaniment. I want to start keeping a running tab of these meals that go together quickly enough that I can make them after the kids go to bed and still have some time left to enjoy my evening before I collapse into a heap.

I'll post the soup recipe if there's interest.

Not food-related: the twins slept well again for night 2 of solo cribs. They were up and yammering by 6:45 this time, which is fine by me.

The Inevitable

No, nothing cancer-related, thank goodness. Nothing so serious as that.

Tonight is the first night that Maddie and Riley are spending in separate cribs.

They will be nine months old in less than ten days, so they have already shared a crib much longer than many twins do. They've been able to do this because they don't crawl yet and until very recently, neither of them rolled over, at least not while sleeping. I've seen them both roll front to back, but they don't do it often, and I've actually never seen either of them roll back to front. A couple of weeks ago, though, I started finding Riley on his tummy when I went to get them up in the morning. So I knew he could make the back-to-front move, I'd just never seen it, and still haven't.

Even once Ri-Man started rolling over, there still didn't initially seem to be any rush to put them in their own cribs. They were still sharing space just fine. Their room is tiny and although we had a second crib, I was not highly motivated to spend my precious free time assembling it. Also, and this is so vain and lame, the crib is ugly. I got it for free through my moms of twins club and I've been hesitant to put it up because, well, it's ugly. I may be cheap, but I'm also vain. Ahem.

Well, Sunday morning at about 6:00 (which of course is really 5:00 due to Daylight Savings Time), I hear Madeleine sobbing on the monitor. She never cries in the night unless there's a real problem. I head into their room and discover Riley all up in Maddie's grill, grabbing at her face. He wanted to play, she wanted to sleep, poor thing. I put Riley back on his side, explained that it was STILL NIGHT, gave Maddie her binkie, and closed the door. They both went back to sleep until 8:00, but that night was my signal that it was time for crib #2 to make its appearance.

We meant to put the crib up yesterday, but time got away from us. This morning, I found Riley on Maddie's side, using her legs as a pillow. She didn't seem to mind. That was certainly preferable to having her eyes gouged out.

Tonight, when I got home, we gave the twins their dinner then put them in crib #1 to play while we assembled crib #2. Of course, free crib #2 came with no instructions for assembly, so that took us a while, and the kids were impatient. We finally got it done and then got them ready for bed.

They are now sleeping in their separate cribs. Ri-Man got crib #2 because he can pull to standing and when we assembled it, we put the mattress in the lowest position.
We still need to lower the mattress in crib #1. We positioned the cribs so that the twins will be able to see each other. Honestly, I don't think Maddie will care one way or another, but I think Riley is going to miss his sister/pillow/scratching post. For the time being, he seems more dependent on her than she does on him. When I had him home sick last week, he didn't crack a smile all day until he saw Maddie when she came home from day care. And when she was home sick and Riley went to day care, the women who run our day care center said that he was looking for Maddie all day.

I hope he isn't too upset. And I hope she gets a good night's sleep. It's the end of an era.

Best. Thing. Ever!

Yesterday afternoon, I went in to get Maddie and Riley up from their nap. I had heard them babbling on the monitor for about five minutes, so I knew they were ready to go. I went in and did my usual routine: sit them up and give them each a toy. I like to give them a few minutes to adjust to being awake before we head out for a meal or playtime.

They each grabbed their toy and kept talking. All of a sudden, Riley looked at Maddie and totally cracked up. She looked at him and cracked up back. He tried to get her binkie out of her mouth; that made them both laugh more.

I asked, "Babies, what's so funny?" They turned to me and both gave me this look like, "Mom, you are so not a part of this," looked back at each other, and cracked up some more.

The kept cracking up for a good five minutes, then they realized that they were hungry. It was so fun to see them sharing some kind of private joke. I'd better get used to it, and to "the look."
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Two updates: First, Riley slept much better last night. Don't know if it was the Hylands tablets or what, but he had only his usual few short outbursts of crying, each lasting no longer than thirty seconds. Hooray for the Ri-Man!

Second, swimming was a hit for the most part. I did put them in onesies over swim diapers just because they are soooo slippery when wet that I thought the onesie would give me something to hang on to. But someone astutely commented that the wet cotton can make one feel cold, so I might try going onesie-free next week. Both babies seemed to enjoy swimming, but the class falls right when they are usually starting their morning nap, so they were very, very tired and got a bit cranky at the end. They're taking a great nap now, though.

Twin Roundup

First off, thank you all, voices of experience. The comments on my last post were really, really helpful. Tonight, I have a plan that I hopefully won't need to use. I gave Riley some Hylands Teething Tablets before bed, and if he cries in the night, I'm going to go with my usual ten minute check plan. If he continues to cry, I'll give him Tylenol at the twenty minute mark. I feel so much better knowing that I won't have to make those decisions in the middle of the night in a half-asleep/half-awake delirium.

This weekend marks the return of activities on the twins' schedule after a holiday hiatus. They may only be seven months old, but they are already taking two classes! We started back with Kindermusik Village today. That class is more for me than for them, although they enjoy the music and the instruments. I like to have something scheduled on my Friday "work at home" day that will get me out of the house, so Kindermusik it is. This unit's theme is animal sounds--should be fun.

Tomorrow we start swimming lessons at the local Boys and Girls Club. I'm really excited about this, but I have no idea how the twins will react. They enjoy bath time, but that's their only exposure to water and that's nothing like a swimming pool. GH and I wanted to find a class that we could all do together on Saturdays, and I've always loved seeing pictures of babies in the water. Amazing! So off we go to swim tomorrow. I was totally flummoxed about the logistics of it all. Swim diapers? Check. Swimsuits? Um, for a baby? Seems silly. I'm just going to put a onesie on over their swim diapers and hope for the best. I just hope no one is looking at my legs because I couldn't begin to tell you when they were last shaved . . .

I feel like such a suburban mom with my infants enrolled in two classes. I even drive a station wagon (although not a minivan [yet] or an SUV). I don't want to be one of those parents who forces her kids into endless amounts of after-school activities and such, but for now, before they can tell me what they do and don't want to do, I think a little swimming and music are harmless and maybe even helpful.

Redemption

In an attempt to make up for my recent vitriol, here are two pictures of the twins taken today, Christmas Eve 2006.

They had their six-month pediatric exam on Friday 22 December, their six-month birthday. They passed with flying colors. Riley weighs 17 lbs 4 ounces, Madeleine weighs 16 lbs 10 ounces. If I remember correctly, they are 26.75 inches and 25.75 inches long respectively. They are squarely in the 50th percentile for height and weight.

I asked my doctor about those percentiles. She told me that the sample for the norm was taken from a group of infants in Ohio. I don't know how many babies or when, but there you have it. How very representative! I'm sure there were tons of half Asian/half Caucasian, breastfed twins in the group. Yeah, right.

Good Babies, Bad Mom

Thank goodness, the Ri-Man slept from 7:30 to 2:30 without a peep, then ate, then slept again until 5:30. I didn't want to get up at 5:30, but at least I'd gotten some sleep! Maddie was up a few times, but just required a binkie, so no big deal. I feel a thousand times better this morning.

Of course, I am feeling a little guilty that since they got up so early, I decided to plop them in front of a Baby Einstein video so that I could get some breakfast and write this. I don't use the videos often. I felt like I deserved a break today.

Horrifying? Awe-Inspiring? Both.

I was feeling a little smug that I didn't feel like I had anything to share in response to Ask Moxie's call for egregious parenting mistakes. Almost six months and I'd done nothing horrifying! I swelled with pride.

All that changed this morning.

It was another hectic morning at our house--kids slept great, but GH was sick so I had to get myself and the kids ready with no help. They played in their exersaucers while I showered, then I fed them and got them dressed. It's all good so far, but they were starting to get a bit fussy. I still needed to fix bottles and pack my lunch and the day care bag, so I put Maddie in the swing in the living room and Riley in the walker in the adjacent dining room, and went back to the kitchen to take care of business. I couldn't see either of them, but figured they were safe. (Cue ominous music.)

Maddie immediately started to cry. She's been really clingy lately, so I figured she just wanted to be held and I went about my business in the kitchen, singing the ABC song loudly (the twins LOVE that song), hoping to calm her from afar. Didn't work, but I kept trying.

It took me about 10 minutes to finish up in the kitchen. I then went into the living room to check on everyone and console the poor still-crying Maddie.

To my horror, Maddie had slid halfway out of the swing. Her entire lower body was hanging out. No, I had not buckled her in, bonehead that I am. To my amazement, what saved her from being on the floor was that Riley had maneuvered the walker over to the swing, where it had become wedged under the swing, preventing the back-and-forth motion. Maddie's lower body was resting in the tray of Riley's walker. I don't for one minute think that Riley had the smarts or dexterity to wedge the walker under the swing on purpose. But I am quite sure that the reason he was over by the swing at all was because Maddie was crying and went to be closer to her. The twins have started interacting more and more, and this was a very striking example of that. I was so grateful that Riley had gone to check on Maddie, even though I felt like a moron for not buckling her into the swing. Live and learn.

Yesterday was a trying day. Today didn't start out much better, but things seem to be sorting themselves out. I got a big presentation out of the way at work this morning and the rest of the week looks pretty even. My mom gets here for a visit on Thursday. I know that I need to buckle the kids into the swing now. My fingers are crossed for a quiet evening.

Monday

Hello, Monday that fits all Monday-related stereotypes. Kids wanted to get up at 5:00, and no attempts to convince them that was a bad idea would work. Had argument with husband at 6:15am. First snow (not enough to be a problem on the commute, and it's actually rather pretty, but still!) Forgot my lunch. Have waaaaay too much to do at work and waaaaay too little motivation. Have to spend afternoon at company sales meeting. First phone call of the day was to Early Intervention to make an appointment for Maddie to get evaluated (more on that soon; nothing serious, but still).

On the plus side, I'm wearing pre-pregnancy dress pants (have to look nice for aforementioned sales meeting) that I pulled out on a whim thinking they would never fit, but what the hell, why not try. And lo, they fit just fine. Shocker, in a good way.