Upswing

After my latest series of posts in which Everyone Was Out of Sorts, I'm pleased to report that we're all on the upswing.

Maddie is settling into school. It's clearly still tiring for her, both physically and mentally, but she seems more like herself, more settled. She gives positive reports about her days and hasn't asked to bring her lovey to school. She did completely lose her mind on Friday night, falling apart about something tiny and absurd, and she is still seeking control over any and everything in her sphere. But I can see the shift happening, and I'm glad for her (and, selfishly, for me).

My work is evening out. As many kind commenters picked up on and offered suggestions for, the issues at work run deeper than just things being busy right now. Much of the deeper issues are not appropriate blog fodder, but I'm working on them now that I have time to think about something beyond staunching the flow so that no one bleeds out. I think my job is fundamentally good for me, but it's the most difficult job I've ever had and I can find it hard to put the effort into it that it needs. Also, I've learned from this job that management does not come naturally to me, nor does leadership. I'm a slow learner about a lot of things, and those areas seem to be no exception. The growing pains are difficult, and I'm far from hitting my stride, but I want to give it more time. I love many things about my job, and I'm an optimist, an optimist who finally has a few minutes to catch her breath during the work day.

I don't know at what point you say that you're dating someone, but over the past couple of months I have gone out on a number of dates with someone and we plan to keep going out on dates, so maybe we're dating? I don't know. We are certainly enjoying getting to know each other. Past experience would indicate that blogging about dates is often a death knell, so I hesitate to say much, but I'll say this: he is a smart, thoughtful, interesting, and kind person. Being around him makes me feel good about myself and about my life, and it makes me happy. So I'm enjoying that, although we both have busy, complicated lives and so we don't see each other all that much. But when we can, it's nice, and unhurried, and just positive.

In other positive (if totally random) news: Spotify is genius; I've been running more often, faster, and with more enjoyment; I continue to love, love, love my house; I'm not ready for the transition to fall and winter; I'm hoping the recent, more regular blogging settles back into a trend. I don't know that I'll ever have as much need or desire to write as I did during my more intense periods of grief, but I miss the regular practice of writing. May it be so.

And now: gratuitous kid pics! M&R got haircuts over the weekend. Here they are, in all of their five-year-old glory. Riley looks kind of surly, but the notoriously hard-to-photograph Maddie is looking quite sweet and lovely, if I do say so myself.

Rest and Recap

Apparently, I took a break from blogging. It was quite unplanned. And now, just like that, it's over!

There is much to say; I have simply been too lazy to say it. Well, that's not entirely accurate. My online access was limited when we were in Michigan, then I was sick, sick, sick for three days after we got back. Then I got lazy. Or out of the habit. Or both. Good habits: so difficult to establish, so easy to let go. Pesky!

One line summaries of life:

Trip to Michigan: Our best visit ever, hands down.
Work: Still crazy! But entering a period of calm over the holidays.
Home: We got a Christmas tree. This is a Big Fucking Deal, people.
Au Pair: Love! Love! Love!
Maddie: Feisty. She now finger knits. Cat capes are her next project.
Riley: All football, all the time.
Exercise: Not so much.
Holiday Prep: Better than usual. That is to say I've bought some gifts.
Desire to Sleep: High. I'm in hibernation mode this year.
John's Birthday: Was on December 7. He would have been 38. *le grand sigh*
Excitement about Shopping at the New Portland H&M Tomorrow: Off the charts.

I don't even like shopping, but for some reason, I'm totally excited about H&M. I know the quality is poor, but still! Fun new clothes!

So yes, life is just rolling along. Good times, poor blog fodder. Now that I'm "caught up," perhaps I'll be better about documenting some of the details. I feel like I needed this post to get rolling again.

Just in Case

If I post today, then there's a chance that I will do NaBloPoMo, so here's a post, you know, just in case.

Forward Motion

Work continues to consume me. Projects, personnel, the fall break that's no break at all when you're on staff at a college . . . some of it is good, some of it is just difficult. I feel like I'm learning a lot and being challenged in some meaningful ways, so I'm trying to focus on those positives.

I've got a pot of butternut squash soup on the stove and an applesauce cake cooling on the counter. There's sage in the soup; the smell reminds me of my grad school boyfriend, who always had dried sage from the California desert on the dashboard of his car. The weather has turned unapologetically cool, breezy, and damp. I turned on the heat two nights ago when I started to shiver uncontrollably after a middle-of-the-night visit to the bathroom. It's pitch black when we get up in the morning and dark not long after I get home from work. All indications are that fall is here.

Our au pair arrives next week. She'll actually be in the States on Monday, but will spend three days in training with the agency who is helping with her visa and all the logistics. She's here late next Thursday night, and then a whole new phase in our lives begins. We're muddling through this transitional period with lots of help from friends and friends of friends and our own can-do attitudes. I'm grateful every day to have kids who embrace change and who enjoy new people.

We spent the weekend on the Oregon coast. It was rainy and windy. "Mama, my hair is being CRAZY!" declared a windswept Maddie on Sunday morning. We ate dinner at a delicious, delightful restaurant where the baby-faced executive chef indulged Maddie and Riley's queries as they observed his work in the open kitchen. There was pool time, lots of snacking, a bit of beach time, and even a nap. I needed that getaway.

I got Maddie and Riley's first school pictures today. They are unbearably adorable. I'm stunned by how the school photographers captured the essence of each of them: Maddie's closed-mouth smile, her sweet but sophisticated gaze; Riley's open grin and easy charm. They are so grown up!

A close friend's child sustained a serious, if not life-threatening, injury recently. Another friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Make that two other friends. My computer is DOA and my bank account has seen better days, small woes in comparison to the health and welfare of loved ones, but harsh reminders of the day-to-day that is life. It all moves forward in ways positive and negative. I feel like an observer sometimes of all of this activity, undeserving of the good and paralyzed by the bad. I can barely pick Maddie up anymore for a snuggle; when I tell her how big she's getting as I hold her, briefly, she says, "But not so big for this." For now, not so big for this. But that bittersweet day is coming as part of all these steps ahead.

The soup needs pureeing, the cake needs frosting. In a few too-short hours, another day will begin in darkness, the forward motion unrelenting, the good and bad coexisting, too much left unfinished but the necessities accounted for.

Crazeeeeeeeee

I'm here. I'm consumed by work at my job and work at home. Everything is insane at my 9–5; I'm revising/reworking/rewriting a big piece, dealing with some really ugly personnel issues between two people who report to me, and trying to keep pace with the usual demands and tasks. Home is also nonstop as we prepare for our au pair to arrive. We've had unusually busy social times, too, with visits from my brother-in-law and my dad and lots of fun family and friend events. Things feels especially relentless right now, a balance of welcome business and undue stress. As the saying goes: that's life.

In social news, it seems perhaps stating the obvious to say that a surefire way to put an end to a relationship is to blog about it. Since my last post about dating, things have fizzled out between me and the guy I was seeing. It's OK; it wasn't serious and nothing dramatic happened. We both just got too busy to find time to see each other. If we really wanted it to work, we'd find time. I find that I'm too overwhelmed to really miss him, and I think that says it all. It was nice, but it was not IT, and that's totally fine.

I'm consumed lately by thoughts of little Maddie and Riley, baby Maddie and Riley, toddler Maddie and Riley. Many of my friends have second babies who range in age from infant to two-ish, and I'm stunned at every turn by how little I remember of those first couple of years of Maddie and Riley's life. I'm awed by the sweetness and utter dependence of these tiny people, astounded that I can't recall with any real clarity that time in our lives. It's not surprising, of course. We had more going on in our lives during that time than the average middle-class American family, and the fog of sleeplessness of that period robs all parents of sharp focus around those years. In most instances, I think that works to advantage. It's human nature to recall even the most trying of times with a rosy glow. I'm sad these days about how that's not true for me when I look back on the first couple of years of the twins' lives. Yeah, I recall some good things, but I also remember a lot of drudgery and work and crying (from everyone) and stress. I remember not sleeping. I remember feeling utterly crushed by responsibility.

I remember good stuff: friends, visits from family, weekend trips and meals out. But details of Maddie and Riley? How it felt to hold them when they were small? Not so much.

Bah, this is all maudlin, not sure how I got here. Not sure what my point is. It was hard, back then. It's better now. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's all. It gets better. I've been really moved by all of the it gets better videos circulating on the Internet, offering encouragement to GLBT youth and letting them know that while they might be suffering now, better times will come. It's true: things get better, sometimes through effort, sometimes just through the passage of time. But things get better.

This post is kind of a mess. How about those Chilean miners! What a story that has been. Riveting.

On that note, I'm going to bed.

Sunday

First breakfast in pajamas.
Second breakfast fetched by Ba and Maddie from the coffee shop up the street. There's nothing like latte delivery.
Pajamas 'til noon.
Cooking: lasagna, vegetable soup (plus lemon-dill salmon, sweet potatoes with chard, and apple crisp yesterday!)
Lots and lots and lots of stories (and having someone with whom to share reading duties).
Getting my iPod Touch fixed during nap (and surviving the frenzy of the Apple store. I. Hate. Malls.)
Taking care of some much-neglected housework.
Surprise b-day dinner for Ba at Moo's house.
Kids so tired they needed to be carried from the couch to bed after stories.

Riley is holding his own. He slept hard and long, and was barely feverish this morning (never over 100°F unmedicated). Then he took a three-hour nap. Post-nap, he stayed cool and his energy level was normal. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Evenings

I'm stealing a few minutes to post from work because I know if I leave it 'til tonight, it won't happen.

Lately, my evenings seem to be over before they begin. I don't know if I was more organized about my time in Boston or if I have more to do here or what, but I feel like there are about five minutes instead of two hours between when I get the kids into bed at 8:00 and when I try to head to bed around 10:00. I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary, just the stuff that people in general and parents specifically need to do: washing up, packing lunches, paying bills, cleaning the house, etc. It somehow just seems to take me longer here than it did back east.

And now, after more interruptions than I can count, it's time to go home and figure out what to feed the masses for dinner. Time permitting, I'll post some Halloween photos as bonus content tonight.

Rediscovered

1. Toast with butter. So simple! So delicious! Toast with butter, why did I ever stop eating you?

2. Synchronized swimming. Um, WOW.

A Little Relief

I've been watching a lot of Olympics coverage since Friday's opening ceremonies. I love the Olympics: the sports, the rivalries, the personal stories of triumph. It gets back to that whole passion thing.

What I have not loved at all about these Beijing games has been George Bush's presence. Ugh.  I'm SO TIRED of listening to interviews with him, seeing him snuggle with beach volleyball players, having the camera pan over him and Laura in the stands. I'm so happy that he's leaving Beijing today. Enough already! I couldn't care less what GWB thinks of the Olympics!

Favorite Olympic moments so far:

• Park Tae Hwan winning Korea's first individual swimming Olympic gold in the 400 m freestyle
  
• The American men's stunning win over France in the 4X100 m freestyle relay
  
• And though I didn't see it and though shooting is not a sport that I enjoy at any level, kudos to Abhinav Bindra for winning the 10 m air rifle event and garnering India's first individual Olympic gold

What have been your favorite moments so far? And while I'm asking questions, what is up with the women's gymnastics team? Injuries, out of bounds, falling off the bars . . . yikes. On one hand, it's surprising to me to see those kinds of things happen with such frequency at this elite level. On the other hand, the athletes are so young, and under so much pressure, self-imposed and otherwise. May they find their Zen for the finals.

Musings on the Home Run Derby

Wow, the Home Run Derby is boring! Every year I think it's going to be fun, and every year it is Dull.

That said, it does have some redeeming qualities. I love seeing the players with their kids, and the kids in the little uniforms. So cute. And then there's always some story, some tale of inspiration. This year, it was Josh Hamilton. Three years ago? Crack addict. This year? The guy hit 28 home runs in the first round of the derby, setting a single-round record. Baseball is known for being rife with superstition and symbolism, and Hamilton's story is tailor-made for the sport.

Hamilton is now a God-fearing Christian, a fact which inspired one of the announcers to make the Strangest Comment Ever Heard at a Home Run Derby. As Hamilton kept belting balls into the stands, the announcers were going off about his amazing story and the incredible year he's having with the Rangers. They were all jawing about how he's a real family man now, and how he found God. After mentioning Hamilton's faith, one of the announcers said, "This is a terrible night to be an atheist!"

Huh?

I laughed out loud. I understand his point, I think. In his mind, God is responsible for turning around Hamilton's life, and people who don't believe in God are not eligible for those kinds of miracles. I disagree. But no matter if I agree or disagree, what an odd thing to say.

I'm looking forward to the All-Star Game tonight. I'm getting takeout and watching it with a friend. Let's hope the game is not tainted by any athiests.

Good Things

Any day now, I should have a Wii Fit in my hot little hands. A blog reader scored one for me and it is winging its way cross-country via UPS. I have the Best Blog Readers Ever.

Maddie and Riley had their two-year-old well child appointments today. They passed with flying colors. The pediatrician said, "At this age, I want to see children put together two-word phrases. These two speak in paragraphs." It's true. Maddie is 90th percentile for weight (30 lbs. 10 oz.), height (35.75 inches), and head size. Riley is 75th for all (29 pounds even, 35.5 inches). Go, babies!

Riley has been going to bed with no fuss and sometimes sleeping through/sometimes waking up once and requiring only a moment's soothing to go back to sleep. I'm knocking on lots of wood, but hallelujah.

So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight! It's still no Idol, but I am pretty into it. My favorites: Twitch & Kherington, Joshua & Katee, Courtney & Gev. And Will. Will is hot. Oh, and how could I forget Mark & Chelsie?

The twins are obsessed with the park. Any park will do. They love parks. When I pick them up from daycare, they beg to go to the park. I love watching them explore and learn.

I'm continuing to feel calmer these days since the anger realization. On the flip side, I also feel boring, tired, and slow. I guess that's preferable to strung-out and edgy. My evenings with the twins have had a relaxed ease about them that has really been refreshing. It's not all unicorns and rainbows, for sure, but it's just more mellow and roll-with-the-punches. Want to go to the park after school? Sure! Want to read an extra story tonight? Why not! Want to eat pretzels and frozen fruit bars for dinner? Why the hell not! 

It's hot out. Really hot. But I have central air.

Overheard at Panera

[tattooed, twenty-something hipster in a ripped Skinny Puppy t-shirt is doctoring up his coffee when a sixty-something, retired regular ambles over to fill up his cup; retiree surveys coffee choices]

Retiree: Is is a mild day or a rich day today? I'm just not sure.

Hipster: Um, I was feeling mild.

Retiree: How about ballsy? Why is the coffee never described as ballsy? I, for one, would like a coffee with some balls one of these days.

It would be pretty damn funny to go to Panera one day and find that the description for the coffee read, "Ballsy and assertive."

Disgusting? Funny? Both?

Seen this morning, on the local construction company truck in front of me on the highway:

"You need studs to build houses."

My first reaction was a laugh. Then I felt horrified. But then I laughed again. A horrified laughter. The slogan brought back a cliched conversation John and I had about how we needed a stud finder to make hanging pictures in our condo easier, but how it would constantly be going off and wouldn't that be annoying? 

But the slogan: disgusting? Funny? A little of both? What do you think?

Rhetorical Questions from the Depths of My Mind

Why are so many bloggers also good photographers? There seems to be a correlation there, although not in my case.

Why do people slow down and obey the speed limit for a few miles after they see that a cop has pulled someone over (be it for speeding, or whatever)? Isn't that the best time to speed? While the cop is busy with someone else?

Why is it that my daughter's coughing last night kept me awake but didn't seem to disturb her slumber one bit? How can babies cough in their sleep like that?

Why do my best friend's chocolate-chip cookies always taste better than mine even though we use the same recipe?

Feel the Awesome Power!

Yes, it's true: I blog about how Senator Edwards should drop out of the race and . . . he does. Would you look at that. I take all responsibility. Thank you, thank you. Or shoot me, shoot me, whatever your inclination may be.

On the subject of feeling the power, I have been rocking the discipline lately with the twins. There's been a spate of limit-testing of late chez Snickollet, especially from Maddie. Hitting, throwing things, not complying with requests . . . normal toddler stuff, but it was getting to the point that I was yelling a lot and feeling out of control and bad way, way too often. So I decided I needed a plan. Redirecting worked OK, but I have to admit that I lacked the patience to do it consistently and effectively, and instead I'd end up in the yelling and feeling bad cycle. I know that I've mentioned before that I'd read and started using the techniques in 1,2, 3 Magic (sorry, too lazy to link to the previous posts), but in the past couple of weeks, I've gotten really consistent about it.

Good news: it's easy. And it works! In theory, the twins are too young to understand time-outs. But I'm here to tell you that Maddie TOTALLY gets it. Riley kind of gets it; he seems to understand what causes the time-out, but once the time-out is over, he does not apply that knowledge very well to future situations. Maddie, on the other hand, will get a time-out for something, then later in the day consider doing the same thing again and say to herself, "No. No time-out," and move on. She gets it.

I have to admit, the whole thing sort-of cracks me up. I give them their time-outs in their cribs, with the lights on and the door closed. I leave them in there for about 30 seconds. They love their cribs and are very good about bedtime, so I'm not quite sure why it's so horrific for them to be put in there for 30 seconds. I guess it's my tone of voice and the closed door . . . I don't know. But they really do hate it.

I don't want to make it sound like I give them time-outs all the time. Not hardly. In fact, it only took about three time-outs before it got to where I could say, "Do you want a time out? No? OK, then please stop doing [X]," and it worked. I feel like a real parent, with a discipline strategy and everything. As with most things about parenthood, it's not necessarily the strategy I thought I'd use, but if there's one things parenting is good for, it's developing one's taste for humble pie. With a side of crow.

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I confess that I've had the TV on as I've written this. In an of itself, that's not such a shocking confession. But I have it turned to The Moment of Truth. I don't get this show. I mean, answer the embarrassing questions truthfully and admit to some horrible crap! Or lie and end up both admitting to some horrible crap and being exposed as a liar! (Assuming that the polygraph test is accurate, which is a big assumption.) And if you decide to give up your money so as to avoid answering a question, that's pretty incriminating in and of itself. I think it's my bedtime.

Yum

Another reason that my day is improving as it wears on: I had to grab a few things at the store after lunch, and it just so happened that the People magazine "Sexiest Men Alive" issue was on the newsstand. Who should be on the cover but Matt Damon? That was $5 well spent for sure.

Catch-All

In-laws went home. It was a stressful, but blissfully short visit.

I gave Maddie her first haircut today while she ate lunch. I just trimmed some long bits in the back by her ears. The locks were dutifully saved in an envelope and put in the baby book.

Last Friday, I had to return some slippers for the kids at the Land's End store that is within the sears store at our local mall. While there, I bought myself two pair of pants: jeans an camel-colored cords. I'm totally in love with them. I don't think I'll ever buy pants anywhere else.

We're spending the night at a friend's house. I'll get to do an in-law debrief once the kids are in bed. That will be nice. On the way over, I'm going to stop at Starbucks and get myself a much-needed Peppermint Mocha, just the way I like it.

I asked Riley for a hug while we were playing in the playroom this afternoon. Reply? A resounding NO. Trying not to have a bruised ego.

Currently watching Colts/KC game while babies nap. The camera just panned over the Colts cheerleaders. Why, exactly do women want to be NFL cheerleaders? Why exactly are cheerleaders still a part of pro sports? Another reason to love baseball.

Tastes Great, Less Filling

I've decided to start another blog with all of my Weight Watchers-related posts on it so as not to bore people to tears over here. See sidebar for link, which will replace my Twitter updates since I can't seem to get on board with Twitter. I also can't seem to get on board with Facebook. I created a Facebook page, but I can't figure out what the big deal is. Of course, you may remember that I'm the one who doesn't get Flickr.

I am starting to sound like a Luddite. A Luddite with two blogs.

Hey, since I posted twice today, does that mean I get a freebie for tomorrow? Probably not.

Checking In

Work is busy. Home is busy; relatives in town, so good busy, but still more than usual. I'm tired and I miss posting. More to come soon. It's been a while since I've gone nearly a week (a week!) without posting.

I've been using the Olay Complete for Sensitive Skin moisturizer. I like it. I don't love it, but it's only been a few days.

More, and more interesting, soon.

PS: I'm running a 10K on Monday. Wish me luck.

Dopiness (Dopeyness?) Update + Rice Query

Babysitter showed up. It was really a comedy of errors. She was horribly lost and had left my number in her dorm room. Both of us called our daycare provider within minutes of each other and got on track. I'm still annoyed with her for being late, but it all worked out. I even had time to stop for much-needed coffee on my way to the yard sale.

Regarding rice cookers, I have one, and I love it. But! I like to cook brown rice, and my rice cooker does not do a good job with the brown. Is there something I don't know?