I'm here. I'm consumed by work at my job and work at home. Everything is insane at my 9–5; I'm revising/reworking/rewriting a big piece, dealing with some really ugly personnel issues between two people who report to me, and trying to keep pace with the usual demands and tasks. Home is also nonstop as we prepare for our au pair to arrive. We've had unusually busy social times, too, with visits from my brother-in-law and my dad and lots of fun family and friend events. Things feels especially relentless right now, a balance of welcome business and undue stress. As the saying goes: that's life.
In social news, it seems perhaps stating the obvious to say that a surefire way to put an end to a relationship is to blog about it. Since my last post about dating, things have fizzled out between me and the guy I was seeing. It's OK; it wasn't serious and nothing dramatic happened. We both just got too busy to find time to see each other. If we really wanted it to work, we'd find time. I find that I'm too overwhelmed to really miss him, and I think that says it all. It was nice, but it was not IT, and that's totally fine.
I'm consumed lately by thoughts of little Maddie and Riley, baby Maddie and Riley, toddler Maddie and Riley. Many of my friends have second babies who range in age from infant to two-ish, and I'm stunned at every turn by how little I remember of those first couple of years of Maddie and Riley's life. I'm awed by the sweetness and utter dependence of these tiny people, astounded that I can't recall with any real clarity that time in our lives. It's not surprising, of course. We had more going on in our lives during that time than the average middle-class American family, and the fog of sleeplessness of that period robs all parents of sharp focus around those years. In most instances, I think that works to advantage. It's human nature to recall even the most trying of times with a rosy glow. I'm sad these days about how that's not true for me when I look back on the first couple of years of the twins' lives. Yeah, I recall some good things, but I also remember a lot of drudgery and work and crying (from everyone) and stress. I remember not sleeping. I remember feeling utterly crushed by responsibility.
I remember good stuff: friends, visits from family, weekend trips and meals out. But details of Maddie and Riley? How it felt to hold them when they were small? Not so much.
Bah, this is all maudlin, not sure how I got here. Not sure what my point is. It was hard, back then. It's better now. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's all. It gets better. I've been really moved by all of the it gets better videos circulating on the Internet, offering encouragement to GLBT youth and letting them know that while they might be suffering now, better times will come. It's true: things get better, sometimes through effort, sometimes just through the passage of time. But things get better.
This post is kind of a mess. How about those Chilean miners! What a story that has been. Riveting.
On that note, I'm going to bed.