Thirty-five. We're the same age for a little less than a month.
I tried to honor you all day today. I think I did pretty well. I took some time for myself. I spent some time with friends, I let the twins eat pizza and raisins for dinner and go to bed without a bath. I drove like a maniac while playing Crazy Taxi on your Xbox and danced like the white chick that I am playing Dance Dance Revolution. I ate sorbet and BBQ and didn't feel guilty or count points. I bought Christmas presents and tried not to be stressed about the money.
Madeleine had her Early Intervention eval today. She totally tested out. She charmed the pants off the evaluators. Riley got in on the action, too. While he was not formally evaluated, I was reassured that he was well on target in all skill areas. Our children are brilliant, just like you.
I miss you extra today and I thought about you more than usual. Tomorrow I will drive north and the twins and I will spend the night with M and her husband. We are planning to make a scrapbook page for you, have a cake, build "gingerbread" houses out of graham crackers with the twins, play in the snow, and just be together.
You know all this, I know you do. It feels silly to write it to you because you already know. It's like you're in my thoughts, but that sounds creepy, and it's not. I just want to write it down so that I remember how I spent this, your first birthday that you weren't here.
So many people miss you. No one misses you as much as I do. I feel so hollow without you.
I love you, Goose.
07 December 2007
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39 comments:
*sniff*
very sweet :)
{{{snickollet}}}
I'm sorry.
(((hugs)))
Hugs
perfect.
(hugs)
This was beautiful.
You are beutiful.
I'm sure John was beautiful.
Many good thoughts for you as you celebrate the day that John graced the earth.
what a wonderful way to remember and again what a wonderful tribute to your goose. Congratulations on the kids doing so well! they are beautiful!
HUGSSS
Laura ~peach~
I'm so sorry snick. This made me cry. I'm so glad that you were able to fill your day with exactly what you planned. I am sure he was there with you. Smiling.
I'm glad you wrote it down. he does know all of that, but now you and the twins will be able to reflect on the day somewhere down the line. You described it so beautifully. What a gift for the twins. Glad you took care of yourself.
Lots of hugs for you on his birthday
Love to you all on this special day. It is very sad but lovely at the same time. Goose would be very proud of you and your beautiful children.
John would really want, more than anything, for his birthday to be good for you. It's wonderful that it was.
It sounds like you had the kind of day he would have wanted you to. You did good in honoring and remembering him.
Oh Snick... that made me cry. I love how you honored your Goose, though.
Sending all good thoughts and wishes your way. *hugs* I just found your blog and cried so much reading your blog. John was a wonderful man, and this was a really beautiful way to remember him.
Happy Birthday John.
{{{{{hugs to you Snick}}}}}}
Absolutely beautiful.Goose will be so proud of you and the kids.I so admire your spirit ,you are a great Mummy.
I find I must sniff too...
Happy Birthday John.
my heart and thoughts are with you today, S...
-sarah V.
Thinking of all of you, and happy birthday, John.
Hugs for all of you.
What a nice tribute to him.
- A
(((Snickers)))
oh snick... love and hugs to you through the tears. your tribute is lovely.
This is so sweet and so poignant. I hope the weekend is good for you.
((((Snick))))((((Riley))))(((Madeleine)))
Beautifully said. Sigh.
This is really beautiful.
I wish you lived close to me (I don't think you do - I am in KY) for the sole purpose of introducing you to a friend of mine. She lost her husband (also 35) in May to brain cancer. His birthday is Christmas day. She's facing all the same things you are.
We were decorating her Christmas tree, and out came the "Our First Christmas" ornament. She said, "What do you do with this?" I wish I knew.
Cancer sucks.
What a wonderful tribute of a day.
Beautiful. You're right, John does know, but I believe it also helps to write it down. Sending you warm hugs and good thoughts.
Beautiful, Snick. You honor his memory so beautifully. Of course, John knows all this stuff anyway, and he's proud of the beautiful family he got to spend such a short time with. Hugs to you.
Tears here. Sending love.
sniff, sniff.
Happy birthday John.
Happy birthday to John.
You're doing a lovely job keeping up his legacy.
Happy Birthday, John.
Beautiful letter. I hope you and the twins had a wonderful weekend celebrating in John's honor.
Oh Snick - just read this - what a great way to spend the day - doing John-things. He knows.
A little late but I have to admit, I couldn't hold my tears from falling. What a beautiful letter to him. I still have a knot in my throat as I type this. You honored him perfectly. Thinking of you always.
What a wonderful tribute. Wherever he is, I'm sure John had a good birthday, but its not nearly as wonderful as it could have been if he'd been with you. :)
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