Usually when I log on to Blogger, I have a plan. Most of the time, I have an outline in my head of what I'm going to say. Often, that plan gets derailed in the writing, but at least I have an idea of where I'm going to begin.
Today, I'm without a plan.
I find myself with so many things I could say, but none of them are in and of themselves very interesting and no theme ties them together but The Slog of Life. Really, what of these topics is compelling to anyone, even me, the person living it all?
Work: A Shitstorm
Au Pair Search: Ongoing, with Steady Progress
New Preschool: A Study in Getting Information out of Youth
New Nanny: Two Thumbs Up
Personal Life: Comes, Goes
Lots going on, nothing going on that incites me to write or is likely to incite people to read.
And yet, here I am because I miss the writing, and because the cumulative effect of all of these things is having a negative impact on me. This patch is rough. The sudden change of the school and nanny situation is stressful, as I wrote about incoherently in my last post. While school does seem to be mostly positive, it's still a change and the difficulties with the transition are playing out in various ways; Riley is on a hunger strike, Maddie is even more emotionally volatile than usual, and that's saying something. As for me, I'm gaining weight due to a lack of time to exercise at work and a propensity for stuffing anything I see that looks even vaguely edible into my mouth.
Good times, noodle salad.
Regarding the personal life, I've been kind of dating someone, but haven't posted about it here because there's not much to say. I like him. He likes me. Between the fact that he has a seriously high-stress job and I just have a seriously busy life, we see each other once every two weeks or so, and have been doing so for a couple of months now. We try to see each other more, but it rarely works out. After we see each other, I'll spend a week or so missing him, in a nice way, not an obsessive way, then I'll start to wonder if it's all worth it, then we'll see each other and I'll think, "Yes, it's worth it." He's younger than me by six years. He's divorced, from an arranged marriage. He sends me a good morning text every day, and he's cooked me dinner. He hasn't met the kids, but he always asks about them. He's respectful and kind. My past relationships have tended more towards the zero to sixty in two dates variety, so this is a nice change. We're both quite clear on the fact that we enjoy each others' company but don't have the time or emotional space to force things to move any faster than they are, and so we plod along and it's quite sweet. I have no good nickname for him. Yet.
In other "exciting" news, I'm up for Worst Mother of the Year because it would appear that my son has at least two rotten teeth. We have good dental hygiene around these parts: I brush my teeth at least three times a day and sometimes more (in college my dentist told me to cut back on the tooth brushing because I was wearing away my enamel!) and the the kids' teeth get brushed by themselves and me at least once a day. As I was brushing about a week ago, I noticed something . . . not quite right about one of Riley's molars, and upon further examination with a flashlight, yeah, well, he's got a couple of teeth that clearly have large black areas on them and a couple of more with black spots. We were at the dentist in March; I'm not sure how things went this far south so quickly, but we'll see what they say on Monday when we go in for a checkup.
I have a friend who has just undergone a transformation, a life-changing experience of epic magnitude. Another friend is astounded by the beauty that is her life, a joy beyond anything she could have imagined. I'm not jealous of either of them, or of my many friends who have settled into a contentment of family stability, career success, stability and a certain ease. Jealous, no. I feel like I'm going to get there, too, but I have this longer, more convoluted path to take, and right now I'm in the thick of some of the logistics. Jealous, no. Unhappy, no. In the weeds, yes. Working out the logistics, for sure. I'm in a valley, for the moment. But I see the peak, and I'm starting to climb.