11 April 2010

Three Years

Three years ago today, John died.

My sister-in-law is visiting this weekend. It's nice to have her here on a this significant date, although, as always for me, the day itself is only as significant as I choose to make it. Should I choose to use the calendar's reckoning as a reason to reflect on the passage of time, so be it. Otherwise, it's simply another day to miss John. So far, I've focused on enjoying the company of family and friends, the challenge and resulting peace of sharing my sorrow with the congregation at church, and gorging myself on an Edible Arrangement from a particularly thoughtful and much-missed member of my Boston tribe (thanks, CV).

There has been much healing in the past three years, but the most significant thing I've learned is that the grief is never over. It ebbs and flows, but it never goes away. I'll always miss John. Not to miss him would be to forget him, a terrible and impossible alternative. So I live with the grief and I try to learn from it, and today I think about John a little more. Love always to you, Goose.

30 comments:

SupersammyG said...

thinking of you today. Hugs

Megan said...

I, too, am thinking of you and the twins today.

Lyndsay said...

(((HUG)))

I think he'd be really proud of you.

Amber said...

Big hugs to all of your today. It's a beautiful day, hopefully filled with beautiful memories.

Betty M said...

Thinking of you and your family .

Alayna said...

We, too, are thinking of you and John and Maddie and Riley today...

beyond said...

thinking of you and your lovely twins today.

Assateague Girl said...

Hugs and chocolate to you and M and R....

Emily said...

Thinking of you, Snick. I didn't even read your blog back then, but I feel like I've been reading it forever ... time is such a strange thing.

Anne said...

Sending my best wishes to you today,
Anne

Rachel said...

Peace and comfort to you today. (((Hugs.)))

Yankee, Transferred said...

Oh Snick, I'm still so sorry. I send big hugs to you and your adorable children.

Anonymous said...

So very well said Snick. Thinking about you and yours.

Jen said...

My thoughts are with you today.

Shinyung said...

There is always so much love here. Thanks for sharing.

Heather said...

Thinking of the three of you today...

Crash Course Widow said...

I'd lost track and hadn't realized that today was the 3-yr mark for you. Hugs and warm thoughts--and happy memories of John--being sent your way.

Fortunately, my experience has been that the death anniversaries haven't really been all that horrible after the first year. I have no expectations that it's supposed to be a wonderfully happy, good day--unlike on holidays--so I find I'm better able to appreciate when the day doesn't suck. Good moments with friends or Anna, a good meal, a good glass of wine...doesn't matter what, but somehow I'm better able to notice the little good things and let the rest go than on "normal" days. Don't ask me how that works or why...but I hope you found the same thing today, yesterday, and in the days to come. (Then again, ask me again in July if I'm as complacent as usual about death anniversaries, since I'll be hitting #5 then. Blech.)

Hope it works to see you next weekend!!!! Hugs, my friend, to you and the twins.

wake said...

thinking of you today. have a huge hug. and some for the kids too.
taff

Nina said...

Peace to you today Snick.

~ Jolene said...

Thinking of you always Snick. I knew the day was coming up *sigh*. I can only imagine that the days get just a little "easier" with time but of course you never, ever forget. He would be incredibly proud of the mother that you are and the woman you have gone on to become.

OTRgirl said...

Beautifully said; I'm wistful as I read this.

Val said...

Love to you, John, the kids, and all you guys' family and friends.

django's mommy said...

Hugs, Snick.

susan said...

Thinking of you--and remembering John, which I do on so many other days as well.

Angela said...

Sending you warm thoughts and a big hub.

Dr. Smak said...

You handle your grief with grace. Alas, I know you would rather not have learned how to do that. Thinking of you.

cluelesscarolinagirl said...

The best to you & yours as always Snick. The diagnosis that you two got while you still had your wedding pedicure..that always makes my heart twist painfully.

masteroftheuniverse said...

I'm so sorry for you. I had my 2 year anniversary last month and it feels like a lifetime has passed since my lovely wife died. Jeff

(another) karen said...

just checking in after a week's vacation. seems i've been following you for just over 3 years now. thank you so much for continuing to share your journey and for always making me think.

today - i'm thinking of you, the twins, and john.

winecat said...

May you have peace today. I agree with Lyndsay I think he'd be very proud of you.