Yesterday it happened: the moment all working parents dread.
When I dropped the kids off at "school," Riley pinched his hand in the gate between the playroom and the kitchen at the daycare. I'm sure it hurt like the dickens, so he cried, swiveled his head left and saw me, swiveled his head right and saw his caregiver, and reached right out for her. Not me.
Ouch. Riley wasn't the only one hurting.
I'm truly glad Riley has such a strong bond with R. The twins have been in her care for eighteen months now. She loves them like her own, and I trust her with them completely. She and Riley have always had a really special relationship, too, and I'm grateful for the patience she has with him. In fact, I've learned a lot from her about how to deal with Riley.
But it still hurts. As has been well documented on this blog, I struggle with how to be a good mom to Riley, and to feel like R. is somehow better and soothing Riley's hurts is a bitter pill to swallow. Oh, I know intellectually that I'm his mom and there's on one else who can fill that role, and I know that we were in a context where R. provides the comfort, so it was natural for Riley to reach for her, and I know it's a good, good thing for Riley to love R. so deeply, but it still hurts.
On the flip side, here are some great things about today:
1. I closed my eyes at 11:00 p.m. last night and opened them at 6:05 a.m. this morning. No crying in the night! Yeah! And I awoke to cheerful Ri-chatter. Good stuff. Also: the twins fell asleep chatting last night, including a few rounds of Maddie singing "Twinkle, Twinkle." So sweet.
2. It's really sunny and warm. No jackets today, and I'm wearing capris.
3. It's Friday!
4. My best friend is in town for a wedding, and she's coming over for dinner tonight with another one of our friends.
5. I'm meeting some former coworkers for lunch.
6. I have an interesting and fun project on my desk to get done today at work.
All hail the arrival of spring!