11 April 2008

One Year

Today is the day, the one year day.

So far, it's been very nice. My mom, stepdad, and I went up to a state park that John and I loved; we walked around and spent some time just looking out at the ocean. John came with us, in ashes form. Then we went to a gallery in a nearby that John and I had been in many times. Every time we'd gone, we'd debated buying something but could never quite make up our minds what to get. This time, I made my decision and bought a sequence of prints depicting the same tree during each of the four seasons. It seemed to be a fitting representation of the passing of one year since John's death. The artist signed and dated the back, itself a small tribute to this day.

Then we went out for lobster. John came along for that, too.

Now we're home, mom's cooking dinner, my stepdad is doing some chores around the house. We're about to go get the twins. The evening holds a Sox/Yankees game on TV. John wasn't a baseball fan, but he would have indulged me.

Thank you, internets, for all you've done for me in this past year and all that you did for me during John's illness. You can't begin to understand how much blogging has brought to my life. I certainly never would have imagined it. John must be happy indeed to know how loved Maddie, Riley, and I are. Thank you.

102 comments:

Anonymous said...

so glad you have had a gentle day. Take care.

Hairline Fracture said...

That sounds like a beautiful print. Have a good evening.

Wabi said...

Thinking of you, the kids, and John.

BethanyWD said...

Thinking of you and your family today - hope it's a peaceful one.

Chorus said...

Thinking of you.

Lala said...

crappy anniversary.
yes, you are loved.

Anonymous said...

De-lurking (after exactly 1 year) to say how glad I am that you are having a nice day. I think you are an amazing person. I honestly don't know how you do it!

Sounds like a beautiful and meaningful piece of art you got!

tousquireste said...

and thanks for sharing yourself and your life with those of us here on the interwebs. I'll certainly be thinking of you and the twins a lot today and throughout the weekend. I hope it continues well - and the print sounds beautifully perfect.

Anonymous said...

Much love.

Driving With the Brakes On said...

I too am thinking of you and your family today. The pictures sound beautiful and sound like the perfect choice to mark your year.

Becky said...

*hugs, Snick*

Sending you and yours light and love today.

Jboo said...

Thinking of you and your family today. Take care.

Janet

Bremily said...

Hi. I'm delurking to tell you I'm thinking about you and your family today. I love your blog and it's started to be the first one I read. Thanks for sharing your journey with me. Take care.

Vacant Uterus said...

Holding you and the twins in my thoughts. Take care, dear...

xo
Flicka

MJ said...

I'm glad that you had (and will continue to have) a good day. I know how hard these anniversaries can be.

Thinking of you and your lovely children.

yatima said...

The tree of life. Just right for a resting goose.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like a perfect way to spend this day. I'm glad you were able to spend one more day with your Goose. And the trees sound like a wonderful piece of art.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you have done it, but I follow your blog every once in a while. You really deserve a pat on the back, and much more. you are truely amazing. So young, so hard working and so dedicated to continue to make your husband happy. You can be certain of that.. he is really proud of what you have accomplished thus far.
hugs.

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say you and your family have been in my thoughts all day today. Your day sounds very peaceful, and the prints perfect.

jane said...

with love to you all .I like Jungs word 'synchronicity-meaningful coincidences in time' the prints sound just that and just right !

Beth said...

Also de-lurking for the first time to tell you I'm thinking about you today. But also that I was doing so yesterday, and will be tomorrow also. Today is an important day, yes, but the strength you have shown - and the strength I know you will continue to show - will sustain you. As will all of us. Peace, and be well.

Jolene said...

One of the first thoughts that entered my mind this morning was you and the twins. I remembered at the beginning of the month that the anniversary was quickly approaching. I'm so happy to hear you had an enjoyable day....well, as enjoyable as it could be. My thoughts and prayers have been with you all year, but especially today. Hard to believe it's been one year already. *sigh*

Melissa said...

You're all in my thoughts today.

Ann said...

I am a lurker - I followed your story last year. I haven't been back in several months but thought of you today. I had thought you lost your dear hubbie in April - but hadn't realized it was today, April 11.

Thinking of you - you have done so well with your little ones, and deserve a huge hug.

Love the idea of the prints - I have always wanted to get that series because that circle of life amazes me

Rachel said...

{{{{{Hugs}}}}. I am thinking of you. It sounds like you spent this day in the perfect way.

Lil Mis said...

So glad your day is going peaceful and my thoughts are with you and the twins.

Julia said...

The day indeed sounds perfect so far. I am glad you stumbled onto the prints-- a very serendipitous thing, and so right on for you.

Anonymous said...

thinking of you today, and wishing you a peaceful heart.

RenovationGirl said...

You've been on my mind all day today. Glad that is has been a serene day. You continue to amaze me with your strength.

Kerry Lynn said...

Sounds like a wonderful day. I think the print sounds perfect.

What state park did you go to?? We're always looking for places to go. You can email me if you don't want to get that specific here.

klg221 at gmail.com

smallcloughs said...

Thinking of you all today.

debangel said...

You may not think you give that love back, but you do. I've been thinking of you all day (I wrote you on Yahoo this morning but I'm not sure if you check that one as much as gmail) and hoping you were having a peaceful day of remembrance.

In my blessedly limited experience with grief from losing my mom, the first year's anniversary is the very worst..sometimes that day (or the day after) can be worse than days before. Please be gentle with yourself.

We all love you =)

Nina said...

How beautiful and fitting. I'm a new reader, but I've been moved by your story and your resilience and determination to raise your babies and remember your husband and live your life day by day.

The prints really do sound beautiful and it's so nice that John was with you, in a sense.

Kier said...

The prints sound lovely, and your day seems to have been everything you wanted/needed it to be (at least I hope it was). I read you regularly and think of you and the twins often. You were most certainly in my thoughts and heart today, but you are there often, no matter what the day.

*kier*

Rev Dr Mom said...

Hugs for all of you.

Elle said...

We love you, Snick, and so does John.

twingles said...

I'm glad you have your family with you and were able to find some peace today.

Tamar said...

S -
Thinking of you today.

Anonymous said...

thinking of you

halfmama said...

Thinking of you and Maddie and Riley today...

Ragtop Day said...

Your day sounds about as perfect as it could be, and the print sounds gorgeous. I hope it makes you feel good whenever you look at it.

Go Sox!

sappho said...

thinking of you - get lots of hugs from the twins. take care.

Lunatic Mapmaker said...

I'm so glad you have so much love around you and the kids on this day. We're thinking about you, too.

MrsPfeiff said...

Hi there,

I am a lurker of your blog (hope you don't mind) and wanted to say I have been thinking of you and the kids, and of course John too.

Thank you for sharing all that you do.

Karen

buddha_girl said...

What a beautiful way to share the day with the love of your life.

I feel so very grateful that you decided to share John, Mads, and Ri-Man with us.

Buddha said to tell the twins that he'll share when we all meet.

Amy said...

I love the fact you bought the prints. Perfect. And signed on this date.

You are an amazing woman Snick.

Emily said...

Sounds like a day spent in a very nice way. Thinking of you lots.

Keen said...

It sounds like a wonderful day. The ocean, your meaningful purchase and even a Sox-Yankees game.

Thinking of all of you today.

NotBitterYet said...

The picture sounds beautiful. I'm glad you were surrounded by people who love you on what must have been a difficult day.

I think I first stumbled upon your blog right around a year ago. . .

Thinking of you, your babies and your husband.

Kady said...

Many many blessings to you and your loves.

rdavism said...

The symbolism of the tree print series is beautiful. That was a perfect way to mark the day and many years in the future you may want to give R. and M. a print each, keeping the other two for you and John.

Anonymous said...

The way you spent today sounds beautiful. I'm so glad it has been peaceful for you. I"ve been thinking of you today.

moo said...

I've been thinking about you today.

I'm glad it was peaceful and exactly what you wanted to do.

Karyn said...

I'm thinking of you, John, and your kids today. Much love to you all. Peace be with you.

Heather said...

Thinking of you today and every day.

olivia said...

ditto to what heather said -- thinking of you today and every day. congrats on your art purchase -- i love those kinds of pieces.

Gina said...

Thinking of you!

Karen said...

said a quick prayer for all of you today.

Twinmommy2boys said...

What a nice tribute. Thinking of you all today.

Becca said...

What a wonderful and meaningful tribute to John!

Robin J. said...

Hugs to you and the twins. So glad that you found the tree prints to mark this one year anniversary. I hope that with each passing season, you'll find continued comfort in your life.

tree town gal said...

Snick - Thought about you all day on John's anniversary. You truly did many spectacular "somethings". Very glad you had time to wander places of beauty and meaning with John in spirit (as always) and in ashes (v. sweet). The tree prints sound perfect, poignant. Your spirit and survival skills are remarkable. Hope the rest of the weekend is peaceful and relaxing. Thinking of you all.

Strawberry_Lamb said...

Thinking of you and hope that you will continue to have peaceful days. Thanks for sharing this past year, it's been tough for you and the twins but in some small way I hope that you have also found comfort from your friends in the computer. I've been following this blog for just over a year, was introduced to you via So Close (Tertia).
I wish you happiness.
Regards, from Karen, Cape Town South Africa

Boulder said...

I thought about you a lot today, and I think it is remarkable how you have come through this year. I realize you haven't had much choice but to put one foot in front of the other and do it, but you've done it with honesty and grace in the ups and downs.

I love that John was with you today and that you found a selection at a gallery where you'd both been which seems so reflective of your past and present seasons of change.

Karly said...

(((hugs)))

Sara said...

What a perfect way to honor today's meaning. I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how things were going. Not that I knew your hubs but I am sure that is exactly how he would have wanted you to spend today. LOVE that you bought those pictures. Very symbolic. HUGS!!

Menita said...

Lovely man, lovely tribute, lovely you.

Mama Nabi said...

It does sound like a very nice day of tribute and company... *hugs*

Anya said...

Thinking of you and your family and wish you peace. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us.

Anonymous said...

Another lurker delurks herself to say how often I check in, how often I enjoy reading of your twins, and honestly how often I think how can I be proud of someone I have never met and yet I am, over and over again. You inspire.

What a lovely tribute your day was.

supermom said...

I think those prints are perfect. I'm thinking of you especially much these days.

Mamallama said...

My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful way to spend the day. The artwork sounds lovely.

- A

soralis said...

Thinking of you.

Lynnette said...

Thinking of you and the twins. The artwork sounds like a wonderful way to honor John.

bobbi said...

Glad to hear you honored him in ways that were important to you. I was thinking of you and your family a lot yesterday...

mlg said...

What a lovely day. The tree prints are the most perfect things ever. I can picture them now.

It is the 12th now. You made it. One year. You are right. There are so many of us who hold you three in our thoughts (and appreciate the fact that we are in yours!)

MoMo said...

Hi delurking(for a while now) and I just wanted to say that I was thinking of you, John and the twins today. It sounds like you had a lovely day.

Clover said...

Thinking of you...

Taffy said...

thinking of you all, all day.
take care of yourself.
we're all here with you.

take care.
t

sarah said...

I've been thinking of you and the twins this week. warm blessings to the three of you, and to John.

Charlotte said...

God Bless you today and always.

Anonymous said...

You and the twins are in my thoughts.

Alison C said...

Thinking of you.

Take care

silene said...

Thought of you on Friday while far from my computer. I'm glad you had a peaceful day. You are indeed loved - all of you!

Mel said...

It is true indeed, we do love you and your little critters. Thanks for sharing your life with us and always adding your unique humour even in the darkest of times.

Jennifer F. said...

I am so glad that you had a peaceful day on the anniversary of such a tragic loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Christine said...

Can't believe it's been a year. I remember reading your blog the day you posted he was gone and going into the bathroom at work and crying my eyes out. Please have a good night and know many are thinking of you.

BrooklynGirl said...

I've been thinking of you all this weekend. (And trying not to begrudge you a Red Sox victory.)

Angela said...

I'm so glad the day was so special and meaningful and you were with your Mom and Stepdad. Sending you hugs.

winecat said...

Snick,
First, Gasp, one year. And what a year you've had. You are so brave and wonderful. John must be so proud of you

It sounds as if you had a beautiful day. I'm so glad.

love and hugs to you and the babes.
Cathy
usually winecat but I wanted my name on this one.

Angela said...

time passes so quickly

Anonymous said...

Dear Snick,
Thanks for sharing with us. Wish I could give you a hug.

Erin said...

Thinking of you, and John, and hoping that the memories of him bring you all peace and happiness--he sounds like he was a wonderful, wonderful man.

stacey said...

Was thinking of you on Friday, glad that it was a good day with the support of family. Here's to hoping that the turning of the year brings you closer to the point of being able to think of John and only feeling happy, never sad.
Much love to you and the twins.

Michelle said...

Glad to hear it was a meaningful day. Keep on keepin on.

django's mommy said...

you're an inspiration, Snick. Much love to you, John, Maddie & Riley.

Anne said...

You were thought of this weekend. Love to the Snick family.

babybound said...

Wow. I am so glad that you got to have a fabulous day. I am sure John helped out with that. He was with you. And I'm sure it feels at least a little good knowing that you made it. You made it 1 full year.

OTRgirl said...

I've been thinking of you.

I know it's not the tone of the overall comments, but it really made me smile to picture you carrying John with you all day. Something in that is really cool as well as really quirky.

Did I ever tell you that when they gave us Mom back, they'd wrapped her in some horrible floral wrapping paper. It was like getting a birthday brick. Weird.

Val said...

'Always thinking of you and yours, Snick. Thank you for sharing your story--stories--with all of us.

Kathryn said...

I've been away from the blog (house move, new job etc etc) but you have been in my thoughts and prayers as the anniversary came up...
We, your blog friends, are privileged to travel with you however remotely and we're here cheering you on as another year begins.
Blessings