10 August 2007

Broken Record, Redux

Picked up the kids from daycare. They were cranky. Nothing new.
Got home, played a bit, went in the kitchen for dinner.
I sat them in their high chairs, and the whining began. The food flinging began. It was all exacerbated by the arrival of two friends who came to babysit so that I could go to the movies with other friends. Tired, cranky Maddie and Riley gave my friends nervous, shifty looks between tosses of food onto the floor.
I sent my friends to the living room and managed to coax both kids into eating some fruit. I went to get a rag to wipe hands and let the kids out of their high chairs when bllargh, Riley barfed up his whole dinner.
This scared him. Who can blame him? So he started to scream.
Which scared Maddie. So she started to scream.
My friends came in to help. I'd set Riley down so that I could pull Maddie out of her chair. I got her out. Riley was clinging to my leg. Bllarrgh, Maddie barfed what seems like days worth of food all over me. It dripped onto Riley's head.
I got us all into the bathroom. Clothes off, into the tub with the babies. Barf all over the bathroom. Babies still screaming.
My friends cleaned up the kitchen. Thank goodness for friends.
I got the babies "clean." Cleaner, at least, and diapered, and into their pajamas.
They ate some Cheerios. And drank some milk. And went right to bed.
Poor babies, poor us. It was really quite awful.

**************************************

I was supposed to go see Bourne Ultimatum tonight. That did not work out. I did meet my friends out for dinner instead, which was nice, although I had to do a lot of crying before I could go into the restaurant.

I hope the babies sleep OK tonight. I'm now physically as well as mentally tired. I don't think the babies are actually sick; maybe Riley is teething? And Maddie just cried so hard she threw up. Poor thing.

Things are hard right now. I keep trying to figure out what I'm learning from this. So far, I just don't know. If my lesson is that sometimes life deals you a bad hand, I get it. If the lesson is that I am strong, I get it. If it's that no matter what, I'll get through this, check, got it. If it's that babies will be babies and it's just a phase, I get that, too. But I hope this phase is over soon.

17 comments:

Cari said...

I am so sorry for the babies and you. I really hope that they are feeling better in the morning.

I hope your cry helped you feel better. I know it sounds insane but sometimes it's the only thing that gives me a chance to recharge. Just crying it out. Maybe being a baby and a mom aren't always so different. :)

Thinking of you.

buddha_girl said...

You and your life are anything but a broken record.

More aptly, you've broken more records in survival than anyone I know.

I hear you loud and clear on the whole, "I've already LEARNED that I'm a survivor!" thing.

Like you, I have no idea why you're burdened with so many trials. Hopefully, the smoke will clear soon, and you'll be able to take a breather and just try to live in the moment for a small time and enjoy happy snippets without having yet another proverbial shoe drop into your life again!

Much love to you, Riley, and Mads! Buddha sends goopy hugs and kisses as well!

Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. Don't worry about being a broken record - this hard stuff - the day-to-day stuff and the grieving is your reality right now, and that's OK. I wish I could actually help somehow, but all I can think to do is say that I'm listening, and I care. Complain, grieve, whine, cry, all you want.
Wishing you a little peace and respite amongst all the sadness and frustration.

Yankee T said...

What you're learning is so exhausting and a lesson nobody should have to learn. I'm sorry.
Sending big hugs.

Amy said...

Sorry to hear you are so exhausted. As a mom of twins I understand that part of the equation but you have so much more on your plate.

Whine, bitch, moan and complain all you want. We are listening. And wishing we could help.

Glad to hear you have dear friends who are willing to help. Reach out to them when necessary, I have a feeling they would love to help you out.

Hoping things calm soon as far as baby crankiness goes. Maybe that is the reason for the change in mood? A bug going around?

Anonymous said...

I don't know you in "real" life, but please know that I am thinking of you, praying for you and extending the largest hug possible. You can do this. You will do this. Crying is a part of it, so let yourself cry.

You mentioned John was a counselor, and so as another counselor, let me say that I think he likely would have said the same thing. It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel hopeless, and it's okay to question everything around you. You are allowed to mourn, and allowed to have bad days. Joining a support group might be a good option for you, particularly if there are others who are a few steps ahead of you and can coach through experience.

Whatever the case, just be you. It is better to be real than to bottle it up and pretend nothing is wrong.

- A

Suz said...

Parenting twins is hard. Parenting twins as a single parent, especially one mourning your spouse is just harder. There is no lesson here other than one that you already know all too well - sometimes life can be like a bad high school teacher, boring, condescending, and a bit repetitive. I hope that you're in a better place soon.

BrooklynGirl said...

I'm sorry. You deserve easier times.

halfmama said...

I'm so sorry about the twins and the vomiting. How exhausting. :(

I have nothing new to add, other than to paraphrase what others have already said: you deserve some easier times right about now.

Hope the twins (and you) start to feel better.

Kimberly said...

I am so glad to read that you still went out, despite vomiting and crying. Having a break, even a little one, is a good thing.

I wish I could help...

Rachel said...

That sounds so hard. Hugs. I am thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

I imagine you are in the midst of the hardest year of your life being the only caretaker/parent to young twins and mourning your life partner. As a mother of now 9 year old boy girl twins, I empathize with the sheer amount of energy it takes to just keep things almost on an even keel at the age your babies are. I really can't imagine adding onto that the death of my husband. There will be a time in the future when you will tell your children the story of missing the movie because of their vomiting dinner routine and the three of you will laugh. Right now none of it is funny but in the years ahead those two will become much more independent spirits and you will not be so stretched and tired. You will even miss these baby-toddler-hood times. It's hard when your home does not include reciprocal relationships. Even when your husband was weakened by cancer and could not help as much physically, he loved you and the children and was there for you. Now, there is just you to do the giving. Keep yourself healthy in mind and body so you can give and give to your two special children. Later, they will be able to give back and you will be recharged. I am glad that your friends were there for you that night and I hope you get to see the Bourne Ultimatum soon. I really enjoyed it.
God Bless,
Rebecca

uberimma said...

My baby (who is a month older than your babies) threw up all over everything this week too. Then screamed a lot, and has had a fever for a few days. I think it's teething too. It's not fun at all, and it must be even less fun in stereo.

amy said...

So sorry the babies aren't feeling the greatest.

There always looks like there's more barf than there *really* is.

Ugh. I hate barf.

OTRgirl said...

Just catching up after a busy week. I'm sorry, Snick. Life lessons with no end in sight are sucky. But you've already got that figured out.

Sigh.

Anonymous said...

How are you doing Snick? Check you faithfully and hope all is going smoother this weekend.

Menita said...

Yuck.
Double-yuck.
Or, as Polly would say: "reeeeeeallyy yucky yucky yucky oh man!"
Hope things are better.