10 August 2007

Broken Record

I haven't posted for a few days because every time I go to post, I realize it's just the same ol', same ol' yet again.

The kids seem to be in a cranky phase and are worse than ever about eating.
I'm tired.
Work has actually been OK, but it's still work.
Planning John's memorial is taking a lot out of me.
Riley said dog the other day. He also put two words together and said, "Bye bye, baby!" when we were leaving daycare.
Maddie has an awful diaper rash. The only thing that is helping is oatmeal baths in the kitchen sink. She finds the novelty of being in the sink very entertaining.

See? Not so interesting. Well, the kid stuff is interesting to me, but I'm not sure how interesting it is to the outside world. I'm tired of not feeling interesting. I'm tired of feeling like a downer. I'm tired, damn it. Mentally tired. Physically, I actually feel fine.

I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch today. It's overcast and cool today, only in the mid-60s, so something warm sounded good. When I was pregnant, I ate a lot of grilled cheese. John made great grilled cheese. At the end of grilling, he would sprinkle a bit of grated cheese in the pan that would make a toasty, caramelized, cheesy crust on one side of the bread MMM. Delicious. My sandwich was good, but his would have been better.


Rachel said...

Sorry things have been difficult lately.

How cool that Riley is putting words together. That's impressive for his age. Language development is so much fun.

Sometimes diaper rash can be a food allergy. Acidic foods seemed to set Bella off.


Anonymous said...

i don't know how you do it but you should be really proud of yourself.. Not that this was a choice for you, but your doing an awesome job being a single mom to 2 little kids.. I am 100% sure your husband is very proud of you.. keep up the good work.. you are still so young, wow..

Suz said...

I read this and all I could think of way, omg, it's in the mid-60's! It's 102 down here and sapping the energy from everyone and everything. Cool or not, it seems like you're done a great job with the little ones.

halfmama said...

I'll echo: you should be really proud of yourself.

Of course, that doesn't help with the crankies, the fatigue, the planning of John's memorial...

I'm sorry.

I hope things get better and you find some time for mental rest. And by the way, you are always interesting. That's why we always come back and check in on you. We want to know how you are doing and what you are up to.

PS. Have you tried Triple Paste? That stuff is a miracle cream for diaper rash. A little pricey, but so worth it.

Blue Momma said...

Have you ever tried Resinol for the diaper rash? I use it with my son and it is wonderful. My sister's husband has even used it successfully (funny story, but don't ask!)

It is kept behind the counter at the pharmacy, but is not prescription and is pretty cheap.

I haven't been reading you blog long, but from what I can tell you seem to be doing an extraordinary job handling things. Kudos to you. I wish I could only be as strong with my problems which really aren't problems at all.

Can you say "my hero"?

Sarah said...

Hang in there. Your blog buddies are here for you. To vent, to mourn, to rejoice. We hear you.

Yankee T said...

Right now it sucks. I'm sorry.

Julia said...

I'm sorry things are so difficult now. I live near you, and have this great butt cream that is very good at quickly clearing out diaper rashes. If you want to, email me, and I will be glad to get it to you.

Melodie said...

I'm slowly making my way through your blog, sometimes chronologically and sometimes through your categories.

I made it through the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy (in between when Greg died and Reece was born) on grilled cheese sandwiches. My mom made the best ones. Comfort food.

I also really appreciated your post on the memorial service. I felt very similar at Greg's... I just loved spending the day talking about him. On that day, I could have sworn he was there. I kept turning to look.

Greg's birthday is in a few days (he would be 37), and I'll be looking for a way to honor him. Your Dec 07 post is beautiful.