For right now, grief and eating seem to be synonyms. I am in serious comfort eating mode.
I am all too painfully aware that this time right now, while difficult and sad, is not the most difficult nor the most sad part. Thanks to my mom's presence, I'm holding myself together for now. Once she has to leave, I think I'm going to fall apart.
I talk to GH all the time, but it feels like a moot point. He always knew what I was thinking before; why wouldn't he know now? Still, I'm keeping up the chatter.
My in-laws have, surprisingly, not been too terribly annoying, and they didn't really push the issue of where to have GH cremated.
I'm clearly in "do" mode. I think that's OK for now. There's a lot of stuff to do, so why not do it right now before the emotional tsunami comes ashore?
All day, I wander around my house throwing away cancer-related stuff. As I move from room to room, if I see something that reminds me of cancer, into the trash it goes. I want GH's presence to remain in the house, but I don't want any reminder of cancer. Books, pills, teas, Ensure . . . away it goes. It can't be out of the house fast enough.
I'm surprised by how much I'm able to enjoy things: dinner with friends on Friday night, a trip to the north shore with my in-laws yesterday, a walk to the store with the twins.
Retail therapy continues. I bought four pair of pants and top at the mall on Friday, plus an outfit for Maddie for her first birthday party. Planning ahead. Couldn't find anything I liked for Riley.
I'm not surprised by how much I appreciate the outpouring of support from the Internets. Thank you.
I'm really, really, really tired. I'm sleeping OK, but I feel like lead all the time.
I miss GH. No surprise there.