15 April 2007

Secret Journey

Yesterday morning, the twins and I got up a little early along with my mom. We all got dressed and had our breakfast, then packed ourselves up into the car.

It was a gorgeous day, sunny and breezy, not too cold. We drove just a few miles, to the most beautiful cemetery I've ever seen. It's like a garden.

At the cemetery, the funeral director led us to a small chapel. Maddie and Riley rode patiently in the stroller, enjoying the lovely spring day and the fresh air. In the basket of their stroller was a sage green pillar candle and a clear glass plate for it to rest on. The matches were in my purse.

We met GH at the chapel. In his simple box, he was wheeled into the crematory. We all followed quietly behind. The funeral director closed the door and left us alone.

We lit the candle and wished GH a safe journey. Mom and I told Maddie and Riley to say goodbye. Maddie obliged by waving and saying, "Bye bye bye bye bye bye," but Riley preferred to chew on his bagel.

Mom stepped out to give the four of us some time together. I told GH to be on the lookout for Dorcasina's husband. I told GH that he would be looking for him, too. I think they will be fast friends, and that is some small comfort.

Love you, Goose. Hope you had a safe trip.

61 comments:

AMH said...

A most beautiful and peaceful ending... or should I say beginning... to GH's life. Hugs to you and your little ones.

Maggie said...

I love the idea that your GH will find your friend's husband in heaven. One of the things that gave me comfort when my nearly year old daughter died was that she was with my grandfather and my husband's grandmother in heaven.

Please know that someone out there is praying for you all.

DavenHeather said...

you encourage me to see life and beauty... in and around all things. thank you for sharing your love and your pain. thinking of all of you.

BrooklynGirl said...

Traveling mercies to all of you.

susan said...

(o)

Brianna said...

A sweet goodbye. We are thinking of you.

thrice said...

Your writing is very touching. Peace be with you and GH.

Olivia said...

a beautiful farewell. as davenheather said, thank you so very much for sharing this loving and painful time in your life. it's had an amazing impact on me and my own life. your family remains in my thoughts.

jo(e) said...

How simple and beautiful.

Thinking of you today.

kathy a said...

(((( snickollet ))))

Menita said...

My heart is heavy for you, dear S.
Yet what a beautiful place, and what a beautiful way to say farewell.

Isabel said...

I posted a candle to express my sympathy for your family. You are in our thoughts.

Angela said...

Snickollet, what a beautiful and perfect goodbye. I love your words to GH about Dorcasina's husband, I truly believe they will meet.

OTRgirl said...

I can imagine Maddie asking to hear that story over and over again. "Tell me again how I said goodbye to Daddy?"

Thank you for sharing your private moment. I've been thinking of you all weekend.

yatima said...

I thought about you all weekend. I am so, so sorry.

Jane Dark said...

(o)

Kathryn said...

Godspeed, GH and lots of strength and courage for those you have left behind.
Snickollet, we are privileged that you allow us to share in some of these moments as you are walking on the most holy of holy grounds. Love and blessings

Serina said...

I'm here via Tertia's blog.
Just letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
My best wishes to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Here's a little story I hope will give you comfort (has less calories too)
I had a friend who lost her daughter and mom in a car accident when she was three months old. 3 years later she dreamt that she saw her daughter, then 3, run into the arms of a good friend of hers. At the time she questioned why it wasn't her husbands arms her little girl ran into. A few days later, her friend dies. She had a little vision of her friend in heaven and her daughter running full tilt into his arms. It gave her enormous comfort. You remain in my heart and prayers.
Sister Mel (Tertia's sis)

Julia said...

I have been out of town and checked on you as soon as I had a computer again.

I am so very deeply sorry, Snick.

Good to see that you are staying busy, feeling peaceful.

Wishing you many inexpressable things.

Christine said...

So beautiful, Snick. Thank you for sharing. Glad to see you're doing well.

soralis said...

I am behind... I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish you and the little ones all the best during this difficult time

Becks said...

I don't feel I have the right to comment on your blog as I only come across it today from someone else's, but just wanted to send you my thoughts. Take care.

laura said...

Beautiful.

Amy said...

That cemetery is so beautiful -- it reminds me of Greenwood in Brooklyn, which was one of my favorite places to walk.

Still thinking of you, all the time.

Leggy said...

So, so hard. I'm sorry you have to go through it.

Caminante said...

A dear friend's husband is buried at Mount Auburn. They had been married for seven weeks when he died. So surely he has also greeted your GH. As hard as it was, it was good that you could be there to send your husband off.

Tertia said...

sending you all my love

Klynn said...

It's never easy to say goodbye, and everyone has their own way to do it. It seems like you have found some beautiful ways to say farewell to your beloved. For now, you have two precious little ones to raise into beautiful people (like their mom and dad). But, one day, you'll all be together again. Hope you are finding peace and comfort. Thinking of you...

lct said...

That story is simply beautiful.

The grace with which you are moving through this time is astonishing.

binkytown said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm inspired by your courage and your love. Sending you many good vibes, you and your babes.

Jenn said...

I just discoverd your blog and I just want to extend my sympathies. My heart is breaking for you and your little ones.

I lost my MIL 3 years ago to cancer (she and I were very, very close). I just had my first child in Dec and now that she's here I mourn for all the "Grandma moments" she's missing out on. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you.

I'm truly sorry for your loss. Life is unfair.

summerbreeze03@msn.com

Galen said...

You're a beautiful, admirable person, someone who taught us, to take time to smell the roses even in the midst of tragedy, someone who taught us to remember to focus on what's really important.

Yankee T said...

I know that cemetery well, and it is so lovely. What a perfect way for you, your mom, and the babies to help him move toward the next step. I feel certain he is with D's husband. You both deserve that peace. Thinking of you and your family, daily. Thank god for your mom.

:: jozjozjoz :: said...

*hugs*

Don't forget to spend time taking care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I lost it at Riley preferred to chew his bagel. How lovely and peaceful a goodbye.

I lost my father when I was five. I remember his wake and funeral. I was old enough to understand what was going on, but not really. I remember running and playing with my cousins, and feeling like I shouldn't be laughing. I remember it was very cold at the cemetery (it was January). I don't remember much else. It is nice that your children will be able to read your words some day, and although they won't remember these days, they will know they were part of it.

kabbage said...

(o)

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

I've been away without access to a computer. I'm so sorry to hear about GH's passing, but how peaceful. I hope you take GH with you on your travels wherever you go. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the twins.

luolin said...

I have been to that cemetery. It is beautiful. So is your post. I have been thinking of you. I'm glad your mother is there to help and that the in-laws are not causing undue stress.

Julia said...

I am so glad you got the one nice day in the middle of the northeasters to say your goodbye. I am so sorry you had to say it at all.

Sarah said...

Wishing you strength and peace

Jodi said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that seems so trite and empty, there is just nothing else to say.

DoctorMama said...

That is a beautiful place. I don't know why these things matter, but they do.

Janice said...

I viewed the Cemetery online and it looks so peaceful and serene. What a lovely place to be able to take your babies to in the future. I am sure my Mother was there when GH entered his Holy resting place. Peace be with you and your Little ones.

Sarah B said...

What a tribute to GH. I am sure he was honored.

You are amazingly strong.

Thinking of you often,
Sarah

laughing mommy said...

I just want to send prayers, love, hope, peace, comfort, and every good thing to you and your kids. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Pam said...

Your family continues to be in my thoughts. I hope GH finds many friends. I'm sure he can always feel your love and I hope you always feel him shining down on you.

Jolene said...

I just caught up...I started from the beginning. I must say that you are an incredibly strong human being. I don't quite know what to say...I know there is nothing I can say that will bring you comfort right now but I hope that you are able to find peace knowing that your husband will be watching over you and your babies every single moment of every day. God bless. You are in my prayers...

Miriam said...

I'm a first-time commenter, but I just wanted to say that I think someday your children will be very grateful that you have written all of this down so eloquently -- perhaps it can help them feel a bit more a part of it all.

You are in my thoughts...

stayathomemotherdom said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am amazed by your strength. Sending prayers your way when you feel those low moments in your grief.

Take care of yourself and your babies.

Rev Dr Mom said...

What a lovely goodbye.

Hugs and good thoughts coming your way.

winecat said...

ooooo Such a beautiful goodbye Snick. It sent tears rolling down my checks. I hope you're finding some peace in your heart that GH will be among friends watching over you and the babies.

cc said...

What a beautiful way to send off GH, and the location most certainly did look so beautiful. I am in awe of your strength.

Hugs to you and your kids from a fellow mom of b/g twins.

parodie said...

Prayers and thoughts for your family.

Erin said...

Sweetheart.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.
My thoughts are with you and your family during this very hard time.

I wish you peace

Sadie said...

tonight a stranger in wisconsin is weeping over your words, having read your entire blog straight through from the beginning in a few hours(once i started I found I couldn't stop). it is beautiful, honest, funny, sassy, touching... and most of all WHOLE. my chest and throat are literally aching with the very idea of what this is like for you right now(and as you say, esp. what it will be when everyone has gone home and "day-to-day" must begin again), but my heart is also full with a beautiful, beautiful love story. the picture that stays in my mind is the one in March of father and son. Their smiles, that moment of communion between the two of them was something I stared at for a long, long time.

Lisa said...

That sounds as lovely as that kind of journey can be. The secret journey aspect of it sounds very intimate and appropriate for the love you and GH had for each other and the twins. Hope you are doing ok.

margalit said...

Mt Auburn is such a beautiful and calming place. It's the kind of place you can visit over and over again as your kids grow older, and talk about their dad's final time on earth. There are gorgeous trees, a plethora of birds, and great paths for walking. I hope you take advantage of the parklike area and visit often.

Buchiko said...

Hi. I came over here from RTTGuapa's blog and I just can't seem to stop the tears. What you have is bittersweet and beautiful. From across the world, I'm sending you hugs and prayers.

halfmama said...

What a beautiful sendoff. You are an inspiration in how you find small comforts all around you.

I wish we could have met before I left Boston, but you and your family are constantly on my mind. Much love and hugs to all of you.

mom to three great kids said...

I can't seem to find the rights words to say, but know, that you and your babies are being thought of. My heart goes out to all of you.