14 March 2007

From the Cancer Front

Just off the phone with GH who was giving me his weekly update from the chemo trenches.

The news was not good. It was not terrible, but it was not good.

He's been on a new chemo regimen for a little while, maybe two months. He gets a weekly dose of Erbitux. It's been working pretty well, with tumor marker numbers dropping steadily if not dramatically.

Until this week.

Tumor marker numbers are up. Liver function numbers are up. He's been itchy and tired. Bah.

Why is it that something good always seems to be balanced out by something bad? I've been feeling so upbeat lately with the change in the weather, the twins making the transition to sleeping in their own cribs, cooking, running, spending time with GH in the evenings, etc. Things felt normal there for a week or two. Blissfully, wonderfully normal. We had such an awesome day with the babies yesterday, one of those perfect days where they were happy, funny, laughing, all day. I didn't want to put them to bed they were so much fun.

Now this.

I know it's not the worst news we could get, but it's so incredibly emotionally draining to change treatments and watch and wait for things to get better. I'm just getting my emotional energy back after so many weeks of someone in the house being sick and after the tempestuous dealings with my mother-in-law. I want to devote this returned energy to fun times with GH and the babies. To sunny springtime walks. To day trips to the North Shore like we took this past Saturday. I don't want to spend this newfound energy on bolstering myself through the stress of a treatment change. The treatments are just a postponing of the inevitable. One of these times, things aren't going to get better, and then what?

If GH's oncologist does recommend a change in treatment plans, we're probably looking at clinical trials. GH has already been through the standard treatments--and then some--for pancreatic cancer. His elevated liver function could disqualify him for trials, as could his low platelets. We'll cross those bridges when we come to them.

I try not to live my life too far in the future. I try to stay grounded in the day-to-day. News like this makes it hard not to be ruled by the fear of what the future could bring.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Snick, I'm sorry. Cancer just sucks. I hope you are able to keep enjoying time together, in spite of the news. Jill

DoctorMama said...

Oh, man. I wish you'd gotten better news.

I know you don't particularly want to be an inspiration, but you really are.

Leggy said...

Damn, damn, damn. I'm really sorry...

Rev Dr Mom said...

Oh, Snickollet, I'm sorry. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

OTRgirl said...

I loved your recent posts. The ordinary joys of life were saturating each one. What a frustrating blow in the middle of all that.

I know I've never met him, but give GH a hug for me. This sucks. I remember the 'fun' of bad liver + chemo with my Mom. Very different medical cases, but you both have my sympathy.

Pantheist Mom said...

Yeah, this sucks. I love your description of the "normal life" things you've been feeling good about. I hope you can hang on to some of those feelings while going through this new dip. I can't imagine how exhausting it would be to so constantly be going through your ups and downs... ((hugs))

Jen

kim said...

Wish there was something I could do to help... Hubby worked with GI cancer trials at Georgetown's Lombardi Cancer Center for a while so I got lots of updates on them. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you - hope GH qualifies for them!

Christine said...

Snick, I'm sorry. I was thinking about you just this morning and how amazing and crappy your life is, all at once. Sorry the crappy has temporarily taken over the happy. I have faith you'll find a way to persevere. Taking it one day at a time is the way to go. You and GH are in my thoughts and prayers.

lct said...

I'm so sorry. I had been so grateful and happy for you and GH when the treatments were showing progress. Here's hoping the oncologist can track down some new options. You're all in my thoughts.

bg's Little Sis said...

Thinking of you all and hoping for better news soon on improvement or a new treatment that does wonders...like OTR I've so loved your joys of life posts lately...I'm sorry you all have to contend with this.

Yankee, Transferred said...

Yuck. Sorry, Snick. So sorry.

Angela said...

Snickollet, I'm so sorry the news was not good. Hoping and praying that GH qualifies for the clinical trials. Sending you good thoughts and a really big hug. So happy that the babies are such a joy to be with. Keep going with the running and taking some time for yourself, please take care of yourself.

laura said...

I'm so sorry for this news. You may feel full of fear, but you certainly sound like a very strong person.

halfmama said...

Nothing new to add except... I'm sorry as well. I hope the next treatment works smoothly. The roller coaster of emotions you have to go through... it must be draining at times. Best of luck to you and your family.