You get a good day, then a bad day. That seems to be the way it goes.
It's 3:23am. You can guess what kind of day yesterday (moving right on into today . . . ) was. Today is. Whatever.
It's been hot where I live. Madeleine appears to hate the heat. She shows this by crying. She cried all. Day. Long. I'm not exaggerating when I say that during the day yesterday, she slept for about three hours. That's not much for a newborn. When she was not sleeping or nursing, he was crying. I walked with her, sang to her, rocked her, fed her, you name it. We tried the swing, taking a drive, taking a walk. Nothing worked.
Thank goodness Riley is a trooper and was calm all day. Of course, now he's wide awake at 3:00am, but at least he doesn't scream when he's wide awake.
It's so hard. I'm exhausted and cranky. I take the crankies out on GH, which isn't fair.
To add insult to injury, my mom left yesterday. Less help now, and her departure was an additional emotional blow for me.
Today was the first time I seriously thought, "I don't think I can do this." In my heart, I know I can. Hell, I don't have a choice. But I feel fragile and exposed and scared and rough around the edges. Mostly I feel scared. Wait, no. Mostly I feel tired. Then scared.