Last night was tough. It was hot. We needed to get some stuff done around the house but we really wanted to relax. Something GH had ordered in the mail arrived, but it was defective. We broke a piece of glass when we were framing something for the twins' room (no one was hurt).
Nothing major, but lots of little things didn't seem to go quite right.
Then GH noticed that his right arm, the one that his IV was placed in last week, looked weird. His veins were all dark, like bruises spiderwebbing up his arm. Nothing hurt, nothing felt raised or bumpy, but it sure looked strange. And of course it's 11:00 at night. He had his oncologist paged and she called right back; she seems to think it's some discoloration from one of the drugs he takes. She told him to try not to worry and to call back if it started to hurt or spread a lot further or became raised and bumpy. The discoloration is still there this morning, but no worse.
Anytime we have to call the oncologist at night, it gets the adrenaline pumping. So of course after that neither of us was sleepy, even though both of us were tired. I was packing GH's lunch and thinking about the babies and started to FREAK OUT. Well, OK, so mostly I just started to feel overwhelmed and overtired and that made me cry. I was thinking about GH and his illness, thinking about how I know nothing about taking care of babies, thinking about how I don't know how I'll handle the exhaustion that's headed my way. Suddenly it really hit me how close all of this is. In 48 hours, I'll be wheeled in for surgery. Ohmygosh.
I feel a little better this morning, but still pretty overwhelmed. I'm sure all parents-to-be feel this way. I also know that the unknown is much harder to deal with than the known. Once the babies are here, we will make things work because we'll have to. There will be good days and bad, but I know we'll be fine. The anticipation is just starting to really get me.