02 November 2005

All's Well, So Far As We Know

Holy cow, it's been a while.

Last week was crazy busy. And I was tired all the time. And I actually had to do work at work! The Indignity.

But the good news is this: Dr. Best called me, and was chagrined and apologized for causing me any worry and assured me that all was well, as far as we know. Ultrasound this Tuesday will reveal more. One baby or two, for starters. Baby/babies in uterus? We sure hope so. Everything progressing? We'll know more soon.

For now, I continue to feel quite well. Running is a bitch. I am slower and my breathing is harder and I just don't have the same stamina. The baby, affectionately referred to right now as Ramona O'Ryley, is smaller than a grain of rice! How can she be compromising my workouts? I'm trying to listen to my body, stay active, but not overdo. I did four miles this morning and it felt good, just SLOW.

Otherwise, my main symptom is The Hunger That Won't Stop. Yesterday in a meeting I said, "Are we going to be wrapping this up soon, because I can't concentrate anymore until I get something to eat." I wake up in the middle of the night, ravenous. I have a Snack Bucket next to my bed. And what do I want to eat? Still lots of salt, mostly in the form of cheese. At 3:30 yesterday I had to go to the grocery store next to my work and buy some mac'n'cheese at the deli. It was truly awful stuff, but it got me through the afternoon. This morning I had eggs and cheese for breakfast, followed by toast and cheese. I'm all about the cheese.

We go back to chemo today. GH's oncologist called early in the week to say that the CT scan looks "stable." That's fine, I guess. Although I know it's not realistic, what I want her to say is, "Damn, no more cancer!" But I'll take "stable" as opposed to "taking over all internal organs." We'll get more from her today when we see her. And a new chemo regimen will start today. No idea what that will bring. Platelet counts don't allow for GH to go back to the Gemzar, which is the gold standard for pancreatic cancer. So he might get Xeloda, which comes in pill form (intriguing), and will likely go back on the Avasitn since that particular drug does not have any adverse effects on blood cell counts. We set small goals all the time: we want GH to be feeling well for our Thanksgiving trip, for example. But obviously now the big goal is for GH and Ramona O'Ryley to meet each other.

I have no desire to go to the clinic. I have not missed it one bit. I'm not really nervous about our appointment. I'm just ambivalent. I'd rather be at work, and the horrible Wednesday Acquistions meeting, being lectured and talked down to. I know it's good to get back to the killing of cancer cells, I just wish we didn't have to do this at all.

I think I will go prepare for our departure by eating more cheese.

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