I should be calling Comcast right now, to try to figure out why my home Internet is out. Or I should be calling Social Security to figure out why they can't get the address changed on Maddie and Riley's survivor's benefit checks. Or perhaps I should call to make a long-overdue doctor's appointment for myself, or schedule all three of us to go to the dentist. I should look for flights to Michigan for Thanksgiving, I should look up a cupcake recipe for the treats I'm bringing to the office on Thursday.
But I've had a rough bit at work; I've managed to incur the wrath of my boss (even though she's on leave--I'm just that good) and the wrath of a faculty member, and between those two events, my work laptop was stolen. I suppose the theft of my laptop is not my fault, exactly, but then again I could have kept the key to the cable lock in a more discreet place . . . in any case, I'm feeling stretched a bit thin at work, and I find that once I start feeling low about one area in my life, I'm more apt to dwell on other things that bring me down: my unsold condo, the ensuing financial woes, the fact that John is dead.
One of the things I miss most about having a spouse is having an adult close at hand with whom to discuss the tough stuff. This job I have now sometimes requires me to navigate some rough water, and while overall it's a great job and a great place, the going can get pretty tough. Yes, it would be unspeakably nice to go home to someone who could help me with the logistics of our evening routine, it would be even better to have someone to debrief with after the kids were in bed. "Debriefing" for me these days involves ignoring the housework and other sundry chores, pouring a glass of wine, and watching 30 Rock on DVD. It's not unpleasant, but it doesn't do much to keep my house in order and it doesn't do much to help me process the challenges I face at work and at home. I miss that. A lot.