09 March 2009

Erk Moment

Years ago, my best friend, Erk, told me a hilarious story. Here's how I remember it. (Erk, you can correct me if I get it wrong.) Erk was in a meeting at work. Something about the leg of her pants, down by the ankle, felt wrong, so she reached down under the table to adjust her cuff. What does she discover, lingering in the leg of her pants, the pants she had also worn the day before? YESTERDAY'S UNDERWEAR! So there she is, sitting in a meeting, surrounded by her coworkers at an industrial packaging company that could have been used as a model for the sitcom The Office, holding her dirty underwear in her hand.

Interestingly, I don't remember what Erk did at that point. Hopefully she'll let us know. And maybe she'll also share with us the story of Mr. Bear.

Anyway.

I just took a midmorning bathroom break during which I made two discoveries. One: the jeans I am wearing have three big stains on the left thigh that look like French's Yellow Mustard. This is odd, and it's rather unsettling that it took me until nearly 11:00 to notice. Two: as I was pulling my pants back on, something about the right thigh felt a little . . . tight. Yup, you guessed it. Yesterday's underwear was lodged in there.

Sigh. At least I wasn't in a meeting.

46 comments:

Karen said...

I have had that discovery with a dryer sheet. That's as scandalous as my life has been. ;-)

Kerrie said...

Oh dear...oops...!!! I did something similar a week or so ago. Went to the pharmacy and forgot to put my knickers on...!!

My teenage daughter was mortified, even more mortified that I blogged about it.

Thanks for that smile...

eba said...

Wasn't there a story about the Queen Mum who was marching in a parade one day when the elastic on her underthings gave out? As the story went, she stepped out of them, and continued in the parade as if nothing had happened. Might be apocryphal, but it's still a good story.

Mommy, Esq. said...

This happens to me but usually only on the weekends thank god.

Sarah said...

I had that happen to me IN HIGH SCHOOL!! Awful

Badger said...

At work on Friday I was fiddling with one of those almost-holes in the knee of my jeans. I thought to myself that this would probably be the last time I would be able to wear these jeans to work since they were on the cusp of being too ratty. When I undressed Friday evening, I realized that there was, in fact, a rather substantial tear in the butt of the jeans. I have no idea if it'd appeared after hours or if I'd spent the day like that. :/

Anonymous said...

Yikes. Years ago, I was in Tahoe with a couple women friends. It was a cool evening and we all had on heavy sweaters. When we walked into one of the big casinos, the first thing we did was to remove the sweaters - mine was a pullover, and apparently there was a pair of undies stuck in the arm (static cling), and of course as I pulled off the sweater, the nylon panties stuck to my head. What's worse is that I had no idea, and it wasn't until my shrill-voiced friend cried out (in her high pitched English accent), "Oh my gawd - you've got UNDAH-WEAR on your head!!!" that I (and everyone within 25 feet of me) noticed.
Talk about cringeworthy.

Leslie

Cari said...

That happened to me once ... I was with my boyfriend's mom.

You can't make this stuff up sometimes.

Wendy said...

I came out of the bathroom at work with my skirt caught in the back of my pantyhose - this was about 9 am - walked around work most of the day with my bare butt showing - wasn't wereing panties under the "panty hose"....

Heather said...

I walked out of the bathroom at a party in college with toilet paper hanging out of the tops of my pants. Used toilet paper.

Lala said...

If, BIG IF, that happened to me I would shove the undies back up the leg of my pants.....

L. said...

Oh dear. Erk's story is great and some of the comments here are equally priceless. I've had the underwear thing happen but only at home THANK GOD. Please, Erk, come forward and tell us what you did with the underwear.

Jen said...

AWESOME!

i once had the thigh of my pants rip from seam to seam about as far up the inseam as it could happen.. while getting out of a taxi heading into a client's office to give a lecture to about 150 folks.. 8 inches of thigh completely exposed..

Sotorrific Twins said...

Ha! I'm not sure which is worse - that or have your skirt tucked into your underwear. Both embarrassing, I guess :)

Caustic Cupcake said...

Some of these comments were great!

One night at closing time, I sat on the edge of the bar without realizing that there was still some bleach there from cleaning up. No big deal; there was a big white spot on the seat of my black pants, but it was three in the morning and I was going straight home.

I folded them up neatly and put them on an end table to remember to cut them up for quilt scraps.

You can guess what happened One morning, rushing to get out of the house, when I hadn't done laundry in a while... I spotted a perfectly good pair of pants, neatly folded as if they'd just been washed.

And I walked around school all day with a big white bleach spot right in the middle of my crack. It's a good thing I didn't realize what I'd done until I got home; otherwise I would have thrown myself in front of traffic to avoid the embarrassment.

Susan said...

Hahahahaha....both stores make me laugh...I can honestly say I haven't had the underwear scare but definitely a stain or rip scare :) Happy Monday right!?

Leah said...

At least you changed your underwear! :)

OTRgirl said...

Catching up on blogs.

This post is so funny! Glad you found it in the bathroom.

How were the in-laws! I still dread the thought of ever having to deal with that drama without my husband around to deflect some of the attention and pressure.

Watercolor said...

No extra panties stories.... Did have my period start three days early with no monster cramps warning.... our secretary quietly pulled me aside to tell me of the scarlet stain on my pale tan linen skirt. Loverly. Weirdly enough, I had ordered a skirt and it came in that day so I pulled the stained one off, dealt with the issue, put the new skirt on, and continued the day. Sent her flowers the next day. :)

Little Read Hen said...

i want to wear jeans to work...

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

That happened to me once, too.

I did also find a substantial rip in a pair of pants about a half hour after it happened (fortunately AFTER I got to work!).

And one day I left my wallet on the roof of my car and drove off. Was surprised to see a nice man show up at my office with it when I didn't even know it was missing. Was more surprised to hear my coworker tell it a few days later, as "Oh my god, I heard the funniest story! This FLAKY woman left her wallet...."

erk said...

Dude, I was NOT in a meeting. I didn't do meetings at that job. What I WAS doing was walking with my boss to meet a client past the reception desk when they FELL OUT of my pants and I didn't see that that had happened until I noticed them on the FLOOR after we had retrieved the client and had to PICK THEM UP.

Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

I was once quite surprised to find a pair of my underpants on the sidewalk in front of my house. I mean, really, how the hell did that happen. I later figured out I must've done the accidental pants trick the day before on the way to the car. What must the neighbors think? Maybe I should follow up with some boxers, or maybe a bra. I've also been line behind a woman who had a distinctive bulge on the back of her thigh. I didn't dare say anything.

Melissa in Grafton said...

OMG... laughing so hard tears are coming to my eyes... your post on Erk is funny... and other readers' stories too! :) LOL!

Snickollet said...

Erk--

Well, guess I totally misremembered that! The real story is even better than my remembered version!

-snick

Anonymous said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

The elastic on a half-slip gave out as I was walking across the lobby of a very fancy-schmancy hotel. I was trying so hard to be stylin' but there's just no way to fix that without looking like a complete freak.

Do women even wear half-slips anymore? This was 20+ years ago and I know for a fact I haven't worn one since.

Aimee said...

lol. Erk, thanks for sharing "the rest of the story." That was great. Sounds completely humiliating.

Elaine said...

I'm a journalist, and ended up rushing out to cover an earthquake for two days. Since I hadn't expected to be doing this, I had to borrow a co-worker's "emergency kit" of extra clothes etc, which included a pair of jeans. I was very, very proud of myself for being able to wear them at all since she's extremely skinny, and while it was tight for me it was possible.

So imagine my horror at the end of the weekend to come home, take off the jeans and realize there was a huge hole right on one of the butt cheeks. I'd been running around a conservative part of Japan, talking to people whose lives had been devastated, with a hole on my butt!

The PS to this was spending the next two days worrying about how to handle having torn a hole in my colleague's jeans -- do I buy a patch to cover? do I sew something on? Eventually I decided to do nothing and apologized profusely...

To be told the hole had been there all along!! GAAAA

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

very funny post and comments - ROFL here I have done it at home only thank goodness !

3TinLids said...

These are great - haven't laughed so hard in ages. Have tears rolling down my face!! I had a close call as a bridesmaid years ago. I had been to the toilet and was heading back out to the wedding party when a very kind lady pulled me aside and informed me that the back of my bridesmaid dress was caught in my pantyhose!!! I was horrified and so glad that she had stopped me just in time!!

Rebecca

Kendra's mom said...

A friend of mine once also got her skirt stuck in her underwear at a wedding. She walked right across the entire dancefloor with her butt showing before someone told her!

I also had the period stain thing happen as I was going to a client. Luckily I felt it happen and went straight to the bathroom. However the damage was irreparable. Luckily I was wearing a jacket so I tied it around my waist so noone could see anything from the back and spent the rest of the day walking with my legs very close together!

Just Me said...

I ripped my crotch of my pants out once. I worked far too many miles away to go change, I had to get my patients seen, so I did the best I could with safety pins and tape.

Too bad a huge # of my patients were sexual offenders who got a lot of happiness that day.

cv said...

I took my cousin's son to his karate class and went to sit down on the floor to watch and my pants split... I made the poor kid walk out with me at the end, skootched up right against my back side. we were both mortified.

Kris said...

If it makes you feel any better, this happens to my mom... in a crowded restaurant... and everyone saw it.

In fact, my uncle later bought her a cake with thongs on it.

Bella's Mommy said...

One time I was giving a tour at a historic site in a time period costume when my drawsting petti coat came undone and fell down around my feet. I finished my explaination and asked the tour group to exit and while they were outside the building I quickly repositioned everything and continued the tour of the other buildings. I don't even think the tour group noticed.

Lil Sis said...

Just all so funny, thank you everyone for sharing...laughing out loud at work causing a disturbance is a great way to break the monotony of my day:)

tinshee said...

I have to contribute...

Anon- some of us NEED to wear a half slip.

I had a black linen dress I used to wear on the first day of school (I teach eighth grade). One year I made the brilliant decision to use an overhead projector.

Apparently when I walked in front of it, you could SEE RIGHT THROUGH MY DRESS. The entire eighth grade class that day was aware I was wearing thong underwear. :-o I found out when 2 of my (female) students came up to tell me.

I haven't worn that dress since...

Sandy said...

Your second story has happened to me. And - gulp - mine slithered out the bottom and trailed off as I walked down the hall. A minute later, a woman came around the corner and shrieked, "Whose ARE these???"

buddha_girl said...

I love this post! You and Erk are my heroes today!!!

Mandy said...

I've been lucky enough to discover any underwear in the pant leg issues before leaving the house, and I know it can happen even with a clean pair. Unfortunately, one time we were at a family function on my husband's side and I slipped into another room to nurse my daughter.

I got her to sleep, put the girls back where they were supposed to be and went back to living room. Only to later have my BIL say "what in the world is THAT?"

One of my breast pads had slipped out of my bra and was stuck to my thigh. I hadn't even noticed.

Luckily he thought it was a shoulder pad.

masteroftheuniverse said...

Snickollet:

I the reader who lost his wife exactly a year ago Thursday. Since then, I haven't done any dating except for one disastrous date a couple of months ago. This all changed last week when I met a girl that totally entranced me. Needless to say, we both like each other a lot. Am I jumping the gun after only a year?

My family is giving me grief, as they think that she's not even cold in the ground and I'm out catting around. However, my family dynamics are such that I'm the one that's expected to be miserable all the time.

How soon after your husband died did you date?

Jeff

Keen said...

I was at Ross Dress for Less one day recently, and after I'd left and walked about a block, I realized a pair of Grandma panties had attached itself to my big handbag by the hanger. I ran back and returned them, embarrassed, but the whole time I was remembering that the EXACT SAME THING had happened to Erk in Boston. Except as I remember it, when she returned the pair of hideous underwear, she was accused of STEALING them.

Just chiming in with another Erk story. Hope she doesn't mind.

erk said...

Man, I totally forgot about being accused of granny-pantage thievery at that freakin' Boylston St. Marshall's. Why do they have to put them on such big hangers anyways??? Who hangs their underwear? Especially their granny pants? Just put them in a big ol' bin and get over it.

Steph said...

Funny stories!

My fiance once discovered one of my thongs inside his pant leg. Fortunately this happened before he left for work!

I have had many dryer sheets reveal themselves from beneath my clothing in my lifetime.
Also I've done my share of leaving the sticky size strip on pants/shirts, only to have some kind soul rip it off a time or two.

A home ec teacher of mine in junior high once walked into class with her shirt entirely unbuttoned. Fortunately she was wearing a camisole, but I whispered in her ear while everyone else just giggled. A room full of 13 year olds is a tough crowd!

Ok! Enough of my ramblings!

Steph said...

One more - we were on vacation once in Italy when my fiance bent over and the entire butt of his pants split wide open!
Too much pasta you think?

Anonymous said...

Oh, good. I'm NOT the only person that happens to. Doesn't mean I'm not still too embarrassed to sign my name to this comment, though.