12 September 2008

Indelicate Question

I have a question for you.

But before I ask it, I have this to say: I love you all! (OK, almost all.) Seriously. When I put up that last sexy/slutty  post, I was ready to take some hell. I was totally prepared for some finger-shaking and judgment about how I had no morals and how I barely know Mr. Coffee and how a girl should be more careful and all that kind of hoo-ha.

The lesson for me is this: Do not project your own insecurities on your readers, for they are (almost to a person) a kind, gentle lot who will make you feel even better than you already feel, which you didn't know was possible.

So thank you. I love the comments you leave, I love having something fun to share, I love the idea that more of you are KISSING! (and more) because of my posts. At least I hope that's what's happening. Because really, what I have learned from the past few weeks is that we should all be kissing (and more) more. It's good for one's outlook.

And now, my indelicate question. (Note to my parents: this is another one of those times when you may want to avert your eyes.) My recent, um, escapades have caused me to, after four years of not having to think about it, ponder the question of birth control. The old standby, the condom, has its time and place and disease-preventing goodness, but I really, really, really, REALLY do not want to have any more kids right now and so for the statistical value alone, I want to also be using another method that has better numbers on its side.

Clearly, I am going to discuss this with my doctor. But she's one person with her own agenda and pharmaceutical companies pressuring  her and such. So I'm curious as to what is working for you all out there. What do you use? Why do you like/dislike it?

Historically, I was always a pill girl, myself, but now I'm over 35 and back in the day I felt like the hormones were messing with me a little, so I'm somewhat loathe to go back to it. Plus, I can barely remember to brush my teeth every day these days, much less take a tiny pill at a specified time. So I'm especially curious about options other than the pill.

Feel free to weigh in anonymously. While I seem to feel fine telling you about my feminine hygiene us, my sex life (!), and whatever else my cross my uncensored mind, I understand that some of you may have a little more decorum than I do. 

Bring it on. I know I can count on the Internets for an opinion.

136 comments:

Becky said...

I have a friend who loves The Ring. The idea of it falling out scares me, but supposedly, that's pretty rare. If you go with the pill, you could try setting an alarm on your cell phone to remind you to take the pill every day. That seems to work for a lot of people. I hear you on the hormones, though. I don't really like it, but it's a tried and true method ... Also, you can experiement with different brands. I took one kind about a year ago that seemed to make me really moody, but the newer, low-dose kinds aren't as bad in that regard.

C. said...

There's the ring, and the patch, though they have hormones. However, these days the hormones are very low. There is the very small IUD , the sponge, the cervical cap, the diaphragm and the ole tubes tied.

Personally, I don't like the barrier methods because they are messy and inconvenient. I go with the pill, but the IUD is also an option (not sure about the hormones there).

Jen said...

i'd go with our method.. *chuckle* i didn't go on the pill until AFTER i stopped sleeping with men.. *chuckle* (like there were that many...)

given that you're old (hehe.. j/k), i'd be hesitant about the pill and many other options because of the issues with pulmonary embolisms and blood clots. I had one pulmonary embolism scare too many (just one was enough since I was pregnant at the time!). I have a friend who was a fan of the IUD, but then again.. she got pregnant on it.. so i guess that's not reasonable.

ok.. it's official.. your gay, infertile, friend.. has NO advice. *laff*

Lisa said...

Until I met Mr. Right, I never had sex without a condom and I ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS backed that up with a second method because I was terrified of unintentional pregnancy. In my younger days, it was the pill. After 35, I used either a diaphragm or spermicidal film. Mr. Right and I use either condoms alone or the sponge (when we can find the damn thing) or spermicidal film alone.

Becky said...

I have the Mirena IUD. I love it. Not only do I rarely have aperiod, I don't have to remember to take a pill veryday.

Little Read Hen said...

I have been a pill girl, a diaphram girl, a patch girl, and known a bunch of people who got pregnant on the ring. I have a no hormone (copper) iud and really like it. I've had it for over a year and it is good for ten. (Mirina low hormone iuds are good for 5). No mess, no responiblilty for pills. Good for ten years!

Anonymous said...

I lovelovelove the ring. No worries about it falling out and the hormones didn't bug my delicate system a bit! The patch was ok, but it made me itch like crazy.

Congrats on dipping back into the dating world. I read your blog everyday to the detriment of my work! You are quite amazing!

Mandy said...

I use the Mirena IUD. Its good for 5 years, hardly any hormones, sometimes you dont even have a peroid at all. It's recommended for women that have already had a child and can be eaisly removed if you decide that you want more kids (yikes) Okay I'm starting to sound like the commercial.. :)

But seriously I love it. Good Luck! Cant wait to hear about your next date!!

Anonymous said...

I had the Merina IUD and loved it. It releases a small amount of progesterone and actually got rid of my monthly migraines till I had to have it removed for other reasons. And my periods were like 1 day long.... Fabulous!!!! Once it is in it stays in for 5 years or less if you decide to have more kids. I loved it

Amy in NC said...

Delurking to throw in my 2 cents...

I am on the patch and I LOVE it! Only have to remember to change it once a week. And, it really does stay on through exercise, swimming and everything.

Now back to lurking...

Giovanna Diaries said...

I'm pretty much infertile despite the twins....so I can't help you there. I will admit, reading your posts recently have given me motherly heart palpatations w/a slight cringe b/c we're friends and I love you and wasn't ready for our relationship to get to this level so soon :) ....but b/c we're friends and I love you I'm sooooo totally beyond happy for you.
Talk to your dox....she'll steer you in the right direction...hopefully.

Sara's Satire said...

I am on the Depo shot.....I love it, absolutely LOVE it....you make an appointment with the doctor, and go in every three months to get the next one...nothing to it. Not only that, but I havent had to use a tampon since before I was pregnant which was over two years ago. When you do have your period, which is about once every three months, it is very light and spotty. I also cant remember to take a pill every day at the same time, which is how my son came along, so the shot has worked really well for me! Hope this is helpful!

Lizard said...

I'm a family practitioner and midwife (actually, you're from around here-- I'm a naturopath in Portland, but no one back there knows what the heck it is so I rarely say it).

Anyway...

condoms are not optional. UNtil you both gets all the relevant STD tests done-- both of you, for sure-- and are sure you are monogamous, condoms are simply not optional.

that said, women love love love the IUDs lately. They are safe and easy and with the STD thing out of the way, they are safe. The Mirena is extremely popular and I recommend it often, and the copper T is also popular with women who don't want even the exceptionally low dose of progesterone that you get from the Mirena.

I didn't comment on the last post, but I did squeal a yippee for you. All of the Mr Coffee posts are wonderful. You so deserve some happiness and this kind of happiness is the best. It is beautiful.

Ashlea said...

I have an IUD, it is freaking awesome!!! No more kids for 5 years, you don't have to worry about taking the pill everyday, or the hassle of the ring. I LOVE THE IUD!!!!

mary said...

I haven't been on the Pill for 5 years now, since being a newly wed! Obviously prefoundly infertile, as no babies either. But I knew that. At my age (43), not much point going back on it, though sometimes I think I might just to regulate the mood swings! It always agreed with me - no PMT. Anyhoo, no real advice, just wanted to say that I am SO HAPPY for you! Have fun. (Condoms, used right, would be fine I am sure...)

Anonymous said...

I love the IUD. I have the one that does not have hormones. Insertion was painless and I did not have any side effects. My OB says it is good for 10 years. I like the fact that there are no chemicals.

Also if you change your mind and want to have a little coffee filter (ha ha...the junior high girl in me); all you need to do is remove it and you are fertile again.

Alice

allie o said...

I use just the pill (a low dose), but I am also on the younger and married side. You did mention the disease stopping power of the condom but just remember, if you decide to ever STOP using the condom, plan a date for you and him to get tested. My friend had a recent scare and I feel compelled to remind you! You need to stay healthy for those beautiful kids of yours!

Jamie said...

Looks like everything has been covered here - So I have nothing to add except another "whoot whoot" about Mr. Coffee, the kissing, and the sex.

Holly said...

I love love *loved* my Mirena IUD. I spotted for about a month then had little to no period after that. Nothing else to think about! It was great - I swear these people should pay me I tell everyone who will listen. The only reason I got it out was to try and have a baby. Good luck and I am so happy for your new found butterflies!

Sarah said...

condoms are not optional. UNtil you both gets all the relevant STD tests done-- both of you, for sure-- and are sure you are monogamous, condoms are simply not optional.

Repeating this for the truthiness. I know you don't need anyone to be preaching at you, but this is totes important.

That being said, there are tons of non-hormonal methods out there right now, although they all have their drawbacks. I'm thinking about trying one of those copper inserts, although I hear they may worsen menstrual cramping.

Aimee said...

Nuva Ring! Hands down, I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Sorry for the shouting, but seriously, the Nuva Ring has changed my life.

I felt like crap on the pill and, like you, have 2 kids to run after (although, admittedly, they aren't twins). I would forget, then try to catch up... and was always thinking "what if."

The ring goes in, stays for 3 weeks, take it out and in a week, put in another one. No muss, no fuss, no worries.

I have a friend who uses Mirena, and she LOVES it. I called my Dr. about it and found they can be pricey... around $500... so, depending on your insurance coverage, you may or may not get it paid for in full. (Mine wouldn't, so that's why I use the ring.)

Goddess in Progress said...

I'm clearly not alone here, but I have been quite happy with my Mirena IUD. It was not the most fun thing in the world to get placed, but after that it was just fine.

And, as a pleasant side effect (pardon the TMI), I haven't gotten a period in nearly a year. A touch of cramping and spotting from time to time, but that's it. Yay for that!

I was a pill girl for a long time, too, and was happy with it. But with two kiddos, I don't think I'd be as good about taking it as I used to be. Ah well.

Anonymous said...

I have and LOVE the mirena IUD. I cannot recommend it enough. I've had it for about 9 months now and I only get light spotting for a period. It has not made me gain weight, get zits or act crazy...things that the estrogen based BCPs did. Annnnd it's good for 5 years.

comebacknikki said...

Another vote for NuvaRing. The patch made me break out (ugh, had an extremely nasty rash for months), and IUDs freak me out. The ring is easy to insert... and no horrible side effects!

Jessie said...

I have a paragard IUD, which I really like, although I'm thinking of getting a Mirena instead. If you are really really anti-pregnancy at this point, an IUD would be a great way to go. The mirena is MORE EFFECTIVE than a tubal ligation, no joke. Paragard is only slightly less effective. They are THE most effective type of reversible birth control available. Plus there is little to no chance for user error (unlike the pill) so the typical use stats are quite similar to the perfect use stats.

Crash Course Widow said...

My OB (who was also widowed young) suggested the Mirena IUD way back when, for whatever point we were done having kids. I obviously had no need to get it in the end, but it's certainly one non-Pill option. I can understand not wanting to go back on it; I discovered when I went off it in Dec. 2006 (abt 18 months after Charley died, when I was planning to start trying artificial insemination to have another baby) that I had a LIBIDO...much to my surprise. I'd been on the Pill for so long, ever since I started having sex basically, that I had no idea how much it affected me.

I haven't commented on the last few posts (I don't think), but just wanted to let you know that I'm rooting you on. I remember very well how great it felt to realize I still had a libido and to get to be intimate with someone--cuddling, kissing, sleeping in the same bed, sex. It was amazing, made all the more so by its stark contrast to my widowhood celibacy. And darn you (and my other widow friends who've recently started dating again, started dating someone they really like, or have gotten engaged or married): you're all reminding me again how much I miss all of that. So I have vague/formed plans to give e-dating a whirl again very soon.

I don't know if I think the prospect is exciting or annoying. But I'm tired of being alone, so what else is a widda to do?

Congrats on the fun experience with dating thus far! =)

Candice

Anonymous said...

Another option you could consider is charting your cycles - women are really only fertile a couple days a month and it's helpful to know when that is. It requires taking your temp every day and following some pretty strict rules, but as a back up method it can definitely work. Benefits are that it's cost-free, hormone-free, and I think fascinating to understand how your body works. The best book on the subject is Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler. They also have a good website TCOYF.com.

Thank you for your wonderfully inspring posts and good luck!

BethanyWD said...

Between my two kids, I went back on the pill for a few months, then after number 2 (and we were pretty danr sure we didn't want any additional kids, but not so sure enough to do anything permanent) I got a Mirena IUD (alot of my friends have it, too).

While I DO love it (no periods for me, nothing to remember, check it once a month - and you're done), there are risks (just like every other method of birth control other than abstinence - unless you believe that no sex is a HORRIBLE side effect!). I had mine for 3 years until a trip to the ER for what turned out to be multiple kidney stones - about 3 weeks later I got a call from my GP saying that the radiologist whoe read my CT scan noticed something not right about my IUD. A few doctors visits and a ultrasound showed that the IUD had penitrated my uterine wall - and I had NO IDEA. Not very much - but still! I had it taken out, waiting a few months and then had my doctor put another Mirena IUD in.

Sounds crazy, perhaps, but I felt like it was just a random event, and I LOVED it so much.

So, I guess the moral of my story is - know the risks of all your options.

Also, while you can have the IUD removed (really quite easily) and have your fertility return quickly, I wouldn't recommend it for short term methods (if you think you will want a child in the next year or so). The cost is doable (I just had to pay 10% co-pay) over a longer period of time.

Personally, since you asked, I'd probably go with the pill or IUD and OF COURSE, a condom.

PS. I used "The Shot" (depo) for 9 months (2 shots), while I was a junior in college. IT SUCKED. I gained 25 pounds and went a bit nuts. Plus, it took another year for my period to return. Yikes.

michelle said...

I'm starting the Nuva Ring. My sister loves it and my doctor swears it will affect my moods less than the pill.

Kerrie said...

I used an IUD, not the Mirena as I have a clotting disorder and taking progesterone exacerbates it, causes clots to develop. For that reason the Pill is out for me too. I had a series of short term relationships during this time so condoms were always used, which bugged the crap out of me no end as I already was using one method of contraception.

When it was time to replace it I had not long met my partner and it had become very apparent that we were going to be spending many, many years together. We were both really sure that neither of us wanted more children so I opted for something more permanent. I used the Essure method of permanent sterilisation. Google it for more info but briefly...

Small springs are inserted into your fallopian tubes and skin grows over thus blocking them permanently. The biggest advantage of this is that it can be done without anaesthetic or just light sedation and it isn't an invasive procedure (involves no cutting) like regular tubal ligation. I had mine done under sedation at about 2pm and was home cooking dinner that night. The only disadvantage for us was that for 12 weeks a back up method needed to be used as the tube isn't fully blocked until then. There is a follow-up x-ray done to ensure that the tubes are insitu and then it's freedom after that. To not have to consider contraception is a wonderful thing. I highly recommend it if you decide you don't want more children.

I'm excited for you that you have to even be considering this...more wow...!!!

NanarocksWeen said...

I just want to reiterate what I said in response to your last post...
YOU MAKE US ALL HAPPY with your happiness! I hate all this election crap, I'm scared to death of what's happening in this country, and my job is shit. I need all the good vibes I can get. And, Snick, you rock! Thanks for sharing :-)

Anonymous said...

At the age of 47, I'm back to using condoms. Last year, after 15years of taking the pill, I got a huge blood clot in my leg resulting in a hospital stay and six weeks of bedrest. Apparently the type of pill I was on, Mircette, which a third generation birth control pill, has twice the risk of blood clots as second generation pills. If you do go back on the pill, talk to your doctor about the risk of blood clots, they are horrible things to have.

liz

Anonymous said...

I have the copper IUD, because I'm 37 and didn't want hormonal birth control. I had very light periods before and now they're pretty heavy. For a couple of days, actually, they're REALLY heavy, like I can't walk two steps out of the shower without a tampon without making a mess on the bathroom floor heavy. But aside from that nuisance, it doesn't bother me or affect my life in any way, except that my body isn't making babies. :)

Lucky said...

I love the NuvaRing. The hormone dose is low and steady, so many side effects are avoided. There is no interference with, you know, romance. It never falls out.
I love your ability to move on in the world, and your knowing how it honors your late husband. He wants you to take care of your soul and the well being of your children. Again I say, you are doing a fantastic job, don't doubt that.

Megan said...

I'm a pill girl, through and through. I started out on Sprintec, now I take Mononessa - both are the same though, they are a generic of Ortho-Cyclen. I've been on Mononessa/Sprintec for years now and have had absolutely no complaints... when my period starts can be predicted now down to the hour, same goes for when it stops.. I've had no scares, it's very affordable ($20-something without insurance, $5 with).

thankfully I have no problems remembering to take a pill, but that's partly due to where I keep it - the pack stays next to my toothbrush/deodorant/etc on the counter in the bathroom, so the pill gets taken every morning when I'm getting ready.

Good luck!

What A Card said...

Birth control? What is this magical "some people get pregnant without medical intervention" you're talking about? Some of us are clearly a superior race and have been born with built in birth control :)

Hee, just kidding. Well, not about knowing nothing about birth control...unfortunately I am no help there. Just wanted to say, Yay! Yay! You're Awesome!

mek said...

I am loving the Mr Coffee saga and chiming in here. I am an old lady, too (37), and still a pill girl. I keep them next to my deodorant (cause I'm not going to forget that every day!), and my Advair (the thing I am most likely to forget every day). It has worked well and truly for me - the pill and the location.

Sarah said...

I'm sorry, in reading the comments I just need to say PEOPLE ARE STILL ON THE PATCH?! The risk of stroke and blood clots is TWICE as likely as the pill. There are class action suits. Any Dr. not living under a rock would not renew that prescription.

Sorry, had to throw that out there. All the pills made me feel a little crazy too so I'm no help. Let me know if you find anything better.

Mel said...

Hi! I just wanted to weigh in, since I've tried almost everything.

DO NOT DO THE DEPO!! It is great for a few people, but most people I know, including all of the nurses in my OB-GYNs office, have had severe problems. I gained 50 lbs in 3 mos on Depo, and it seriously fried my hormones to the point where, years later, it is still affecting me.

The Ring was weird for me. I couldn't get it in correctly, and so it kept falling out, and my former SO at the time found it too weird and often pulled it out. Helpful, he was.

Condoms, barriers, spermicides, sponges, etc are fine for the occasional encounter, but if you are going to be doing it regularly, I'd rather use another method.

The patch was my favorite, I think. Except I was allergic to the adhesive, so I'd have an angry red spot where it was. But then again, I'm allergic to band aids, medical tape, etc, so I should have known better.

There are lots of pills these days, including some that only give you a period 4 times a year and some with very very small amounts of hormones. Some are progesterone only. Some help with acne. Your dr would know which was best for you - but you still have to remember to take it.

I personally have not used an IUD, but I have two friends who have and loved it. They have hormonal and non hormonal kinds, and you don't have to think about it. Which is nice. This might be the one I'd choose, if I were you. I never did it, because by the time I thought about it, I wanted to have kids somewhat soonish. I just didn't want to deal with having it put in and then taken out soon after.

Of course - after spending years trying desperately NOT to get pregnant, I've spent the last year trying desperately TO get pregnant. And its next to impossible. Damnit.

Arwen said...

I can't take any form of hormonal birth control any more thanks to the Depo shot. I was told all these amazing things would happen if I got it. The first one, I bled for about 30 days and then it seemed okay. The doctor told me it was normal the first time you had the shot. I get the second shot and I bled constantly EVERY single day for SIX MONTHS! I went from having a blood pressure of 105/55 to a blood pressure of 185/110. Since then any form of hormonal birth control sends my BP from an average 120/70 to outrageous rocket hypertensive levels. Even the low dose and mini-pill varieties. Since then I went from having perfect crystal clear skin that everyone was jealous of to looking like a teenager seriously in need of some Noxzema. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. I've done research and I know lots of women love the Depo shot but MANY have been seriously injured by it. Please be careful.

Condoms just don't work well with DH. I mostly pay attention to when I'm most fertile and avoid having sex at those times. Any other time, I use a spermicidal film which doesn't have the highest protection rate but I'm only using it when there's really little to no chance of getting pregnant anyway. I used this method for four years until I had a "whoops" (i.e., got pregnant) and it's been almost three since my youngest was born with no new "whoopses". Of course, I really don't care if I get pregnant. I can't really afford it but I really want a third child eventually.... maybe. If only day care wasn't so expensive... Eventually, once we decide whether or not to have a third child OR if it just "happens". DH will get a vasectomy and that will be that.

My aunt used diaphragms for years and swore by them. It is something I have considered but I'm just too lazy to go get measured, etc.

I hope you get some great advice!

Anonymous said...

I had depression issues with the hormonal options, though I didn't figure out that the birth control was the cause of it for over a decade. What worked for my husband and I for two years of intentional pregnancy prevention was Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. We watched all three signs - temperature, cervical fluid, and cervical position. My husband would remind every morning when the alarm went off to take my temp, and I'd do the other observations on my own. I kept the chart by my bed, and made sure to fill it out faithfully every night before bed. During the danger zones, we either abstained (not very often, since that's when I was especially interested in sex), or we used condoms. That meant we only had to use condoms about a week a month, though sometimes were were ultra vigilant and chose to be extra cautious with our timing. Yes, it took work and time to get in the habit, but it worked for us until we were ready to conceive, and then it helped us conceive as well.

Granted, you've got more at stake than we did, since this is a dating relationship and it's more important to prevent pregnancy until you both know if this is permanent. In that case, I'd be tempted to do the hormone thing. But you are right...the age factor and the hormonal/emotional connection are two big downsides.

amber said...

i'm a pill girl myself, but i have friends that love nuvaring. looks like a lot of folks have already suggested it, but you sound like you could be a great candidate for an IUD.

also, just a tip, there is a secretary at my office that used to call her second child her "depo baby", so maybe depo-provera isn't the most effective form of BC? and she is not the only one i've heard of who has had this problem :/

i love reading about your adventures with mr. coffee and am so glad that you're finding some happiness in your life these days. i have a friend who is on the tailend of a messy divorce and is slowly getting back into the dating scene herself. needless to say, my heart is bursting with happiness for the both of you :)

Caustic Cupcake said...

I vote Mirena.

Klynn said...

Another vote AGAINST the Depo shot. After TJ, I had norplant (hormone rods, inserted in arm...good for 5 years), then had to have it out when Bob and I started dating. So I decided to go on the depo. I went from a size 12/14 to a size 18 in less than 6 months. Outrageous weight gain. Yuck. And I've never been able to lose those extra pounds, either. Use care if you decide to go with any hormonal route.

After almost dying with Boog, I had the essure procedure done, and I've been fine ever since, but it's irreversible...permanent scarring of almost the full length of the fallopian tubes, so they could not be spliced, even if I wanted to. The only way I could ever get pregnant, now, would be IVF, and considering that pregnancy is near-fatal for me...I think I'll just be happy with the 2 kids I have.

Hope you find something comfortable that works for you. The "and more" is always better when you aren't having to worry about unwanted repercussions.

oiseaurobyn said...

I love love love the NuvaRing. I've turned several of my friends on to it, as well. It has a lower hormone dose than the pill, and is just as effective. I particularly love that I don't have to think about it every day. I have my google calendar email me when it needs to come out and go back in. It's fabulous!

I used to use the patch, and I had a lot of bad reactions--eczema, dry lips, etc.

I'm Still Me said...

My husband and I used a condom only for almost 3 years. I didn't like that the hormones in birth control (which I took for a number of years) could have major complications down the road. We got pregnant when we stopped using it ... immediately. But that was planned so it was ok.

Denise said...

Thank you for this post! I'm 39 years old, engaged, and neither one of us wants kids. I've been on the pill for two years, various different brands, but I've had side effects from each of them, including frequent yeast infections, and the worst one of all that I'm fighting now - VERY low libido (I really don't have any interest at all) and extreme difficulty reaching orgasm. My sweetie is so nice, and wants me to orgasm, so he works really hard, but it takes forever, and there have even been a couple of times when I was physically incapable.

So I've read through your comments eagerly, and now have a list of options to discuss with my doctor.

Also, congratulations - I'm so glad things are going well with Mr. Coffee. I'm glad you're having fun with a nice guy.

tousquireste said...

grrr, I had a comment but teh internets eated it!

bottom line: I love the idea of my copper IUD, but have concerns of late, due to marathon periods (14 days long for the past 4 months).

And, up here, the Mirena was covered by insurance, but not the copper. However, I wanted zero hormones, and was particularly worried about what even a small amount of progesterone would do to my skin, as I'm mighty acne/cyst-prone anyway.

Lastly, I'll chime in with the 'no-to-depo' crew, based on a friend gaining 25 pounds rapidly, and developing horrible acne on the stuff. And losing her libido. Good times!

Bottom line: figure out what's right for you!

Amy in NC said...

To Sarah (at 17:35),

I have been on the patch for over 4 years and talked to my doctor about clotting the issue. Basically, since clotting issues are not in my family history and I had been on the patch for 2 years already, my doctor said I would most likely be fine. Clotting issues tend to show up within the first few months of use. For some of us, the patch is a great option

Sally said...

I've tried just about everything. Here is a brief rundown of my birth control experience:
The patch - itchy, moved around when I got sweaty, left that gross bandaid ring.
The pill - couldn't take it regularly to save my life. I missed three days, now I have twins.
Condoms - This is what I used when I missed those three days. They don't always stay put. See above for results.
The morning after pill - For when condoms don't always work and you forget the pill. Again, not so effective for me.
The ring - I am a bit, um, small (sorry for the TMI) in certain areas, so this was really uncomfortable for me.
I have a Mirena IUD now. I love that I don't have to remember to take anything, but getting it placed was painful and I occasionally get brief, painful menstrual cramps. I haven't had a period since I've been on it, but my kids are 9 months old and I'm still breastfeeding, so I'm not sure I'd be getting periods anyway, though. Also, it has kept me pregnancy-free for 9 whole months now!
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I'd look into the IUD as another method. Very discrete but very good and you don't have to remember to do anything! I love it!

Anonymous said...

Haven't read through all the comments, but I have Mirena and I love it. There was a little bit of discomfort in the beginning, but now, no more periods.

Anonymous said...

I hate the pill and don't think those hormones are good for you. I tried several different types, and wound up with everything from skyrocketed blood pressure to anxiety attacks to hallucinations. Not to mention weight gain and a miscarriage - thanks!

My advice? Cross your fingers...?...haha, just kidding! :)

- A

Kerry Lynn said...

I didn't take the time to read all the comments so I apologize if I repeat.

I would recommend the mirena iud. I got it after my twins were born. I ended up gaining 20 pounds right after that so I had it removed almost a year later. I'm still 20 pounds overweight so I'm guessing that wasn't the problem. I didn't even have a period while I was on it.

Anonymous said...

I am married, but do not want children. We are crazy obsessive about birth control. I am on the pill. (I simply set an alarm to go off on my cell phone every night at 10:00 pm and take it. Everyone who says, "I cannot remember to take it" needs a wake up call. You remember to feed your kids, right? You can remember to take a damn pill.)

BUT, because I understand that we have sex frequently enough that someday the pill's statistics will come and haunt me, we also use condoms.

We both feel better about this in terms of birth control.

Plus, I have to agree with everyone else who is saying that since who knows what coffee guy is doing in his spare time, you should be using condoms anyway. If he's sleeping with you on the third date, chances are he's doing it with other people, too.

Anonymous said...

I have the Mirena IUD! Best ever! I am so grateful it's around. And it's so well liked my doctor and her nurses all use one.

Have fun! I am SOOOO happy for you! Thanks for sharing the *details* with us - it's great fun!

bobbi said...

I just wanted to say that I tried the Depo for 6 or 9 months...and I hated it. Not only did I gain weight, but I was a raving bitch with NO libido (and for me, that is beyond crazy). So I was on a shot so I could have sex without getting pregnant but it made me not want to have sex...

After getting rid of it, all was right again, and I began to hear that I was not the only person that Depo affected this way...

Just wanted to throw that out there. So beyond happy for you and Mr. C (you've been making me cry happy tears lately!!). Good luck!

OTRgirl said...

No advice on birth control, just wanted to say I'm happy for you!

Mel said...

I just realized I never told you all that happened when I was on Depo:

50 lbs wt gain in 3 mos
period for 8 mos solid (fun!), followed by no regular period for the next 2.5 yrs
hideous acne that STILL isn't better
mood swings from hell

I'm sure I've left something out...but people never seem to take it seriously and try the depo anyway, just to find that they have all the same problems.

Katherine said...

Reading your dating posts has been so weird for me. I feel like I wrote them! Two years after losing my husband to pancreatic cancer, and while raising two children (older than yours) on my own, I met someone and start to date--1st date, getting to know him, thought it would be awkward, it wasn't. 2nd date, some good kissing, which I feared would be awkward (or that I'd forgotten how) but it was GREAT. 3rd date, WOW, am I really comfortable doing THIS with this man? Yep. . . and so what should I do for birth control? (We opted for condoms and spermicidal film, but I'm older than you are and getting close to menopause so my risk is less.) Anyway, you put into beautiful, funny words what I went through. Thanks for that. I dated that man for 6 months and though we're no longer together, I am thankful for having that relationship to awaken my senses and jerk me back to the land of the living. I am hoping this will be a wonderful relationship for you and Mr. Coffee.

Jessica said...

I love the ring. I can't remember to take a pill at the same time everyday and the ring is just perfect. Don't have to think about it except once a month.

Amy said...

I guess i am one of the lone voices for the pill. I've been on it since i was 17, went off it and got pregnant in a month, and went back on and off for each pregnancy (3 total). After our last child was born, my husband offered to get a vasectomy but I said no, because i'm not ready to give up on kids altogether and i love being on the pill! i love knowing when i'll get my period and knowing it will be light when i do. Recently (a year ago) i switched to Seasonal, which is 4 months of the pill with no breaks for periods packaged together. So now i only get my period 3 times a year and couldn't be happier.

Snickollet said...

I love how this conversation is bringing out the mother hens.

Rest assured, my friends, that whatever birth control I decide to use is obviously *in addition* to condoms.

Anonymous said...

My advice is to drop the slutfactory alley you seem to be rolling up and raise the kids.

You are aware that John was under the impression you'd be waiting more than a year or two to start dating, if at all? That you'd use some decorum and put the family first instead of letting your new dating life encroach before the kids are even in school?

We're really ashamed of you. You are obviously not the person John or his family thought you were.

zenoma said...

One word. Mirena.

LOVE it. I really can't say enough good things about it. It has the highest efficacy (other than abstinence!), because you can't "use it wrong". I'm not a pills girl either for multiple reasons. Bottom line, Mirena is FAB-U-LOUS!

You go girl!

Melissa said...

Howdy... just chiming in on the birth control question (you have a lot of information to read and absorb here!)... Another poster recommended the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and I second that opinion strongly. It helped me get pregnant with my son (after just 2 cycles of trying at age 35), and it can definitely help you do the reverse as well (avoid pregnancy). It gets easier over time as you practice the fertility observation techniques, and there are no bad side effects like other methods. But, it is quite a bit of work (taking your temperature every morning at the same time, charting and recording, observing cervical mucus, etc.). If, as you say, you're lucky to even remember to brush your teeth, this might be a difficult method to stick with at this point in your life (exhaustion, work, twins, brand new relationship, etc.). But do consider it for the future! It's much more than an old-fashioned "rhythm method" -- it's based on sound science and is a terrific way to learn about your body.

At our age (mid-to-late 30s), I think we should be cautious of all hormonal methods of birth control. There's now evidence that the pill can make women susceptible to heart attacks and arterial blood clots even years after they stop taking the pill (based on a Belgian study released in 2007). I had an unexpected heart attack two years ago when I was 37. It was a shock because I was a very fit non-smoker with no cardiac risk factors whatsoever, so that news report made me wonder whether 15+ years of being on and off the pill may have somehow contributed to my heart attack, even though I hadn't taken it for several years. It simply can't be ruled out. I had to have triple-bypass surgery (yes, at age 37 -- my son wasn't even two years old yet) and the impact on my life has been totally devastating.

So, Snick, please proceed with caution. If you were a close friend of mine and you asked for my advice, I'd suggest getting a good diaphragm fitting from your OB, and continue to use a condom at the same time. Each method can be a back-up for the other -- together they probably provide near-100% protection.

By the way, I'm so very happy for you. Mr. Coffee sounds like a super guy, and I'm glad you're having a good time together. Go forth and have lots of great sex. Enjoy!
Hugs,
Melissa

doctorsquared said...

Just coming off my OB/Gyn rotation, I cannot say enough good things about Mirena, which is the progesterone IUD. It is more effective than the pill, takes LITERALLY 60 seconds to insert in your doctor's office and if you want to have kids in the next five years, you just go and get it taken out. Voila!

Anonymous said...

Whatever else you use, I'd recommend getting a diaphragm, too. If Mr. Coffee--or you--is bothered by messiness during the beginning or end of your period, you can use it and not have to abstain for as long. And as I remember it, when the sex is new and you're raring to do it as often as possible, shaving a day or so off of the time you don't have sex is pretty helpful. Lord, but I'm happy for you.

I have a question of your readers, too, though. What about the disease issue? Do you ask your partner to get tested? How do you handle this? It's never been an issue for me (I'm so damned old), but I'd like to know what women really do about it these days.

Anonymous said...

IUD all the way. I love love love it. There is one with no hormones(called Paraguard around here) which I have, but I think the Mirena is more common. It has a VERY small amount of hormones, but exponentially lower levels than the pill.

L. said...

I don't like taking hormonal birth control, even the low doses. First of all, it doesn't do my libido any good. And--this opinion is not informed by any medical study--I just think our body is made to operate a certain way, and interfering with it can cause trouble. Like, although I would LOVE to have really light or no periods, I just have to think that probably isn't good.

I had a son a year and a half ago and, afterwards, got the Paragard (non-hormonal copper IUD), meaning to take it out in a year or two when I wanted to conceive again. (I had a ridiculously low co-pay, so this was an option.) I ended up not liking it, either: really heavy periods, they lasted longer, the cramping got a lot worse, etc. Man, I was happy to have that thing out. So we just went back to condoms; not a big fan but they're okay, especially since we wanted to try to conceive again relatively soon.

Kind of weird. There's so many options yet a lot of them are really unappealing. I wish they'd come up with something for men! (Besides the condom, I mean.)

If, later, I am looking at a longer-term but non-permanent option for the future, I'm not sure what I'll do. It might just be condoms.

Brainy girl said...

Just a cautionary note on the Mirena IUD...not sure if anyone above has mentioned this yet. I had the Mirena put in a few weeks ago and I was totally psyched about the idea of it. It didn't hurt too much during the placement and everything seemed fine. A little cramping, spotting, yada yada, no biggie. Until the next day, when I started having pain in... my stomach? What was up with that? Then the pain got WAY severe, and seemed to be bouncing all over the place. Long story short - the IUD perforated my uterus and was floating merrily around my pelvis for 2 days, before I had to have emergency surgery to have it removed. It happens. Now I too am wondering what to do about birth control. There is a new thing called Essure that I just learned about: they stick these coils in your fallopian tubes, intra-vaginally, and then over the next few months tissue grows into the coils until your tubes are completely blocked. It's a permanent method, so you have to be positive you don't want more kids.... Good luck with Mr. Coffee guy!!!

Arwen said...

If you are going to call someone names and throw stones at least have the courage to write your name down. This is none of your business. One, my dad's best friend loved his wife of 40+ years ALOT. He was remarried within 6 months of her death. Did it shock me at the time? Yes, but I realized it was because he was a loving man who found someone worthy of love and when you are older you learn to jump when it's the right time. Trolls need to go back in their own cave. It's been a year and a half. Even back in old times, a widow could remarry after a year of mourning. Snick has waited longer than that to DATE and she's been mourning more than the almost year and a half John's been dead, she's been in mourning since they got the news that he was sick. She is young, she deserves happiness for herself as well. She also deserves the right to go on with her life. What if she'd like another child? I haven't really gotten that vibe but it is possible. Not that Snick is old, far from it, but the most effective years of child-bearing are lapsing. Quit judging people and get a life, if you did you'd be happy enough that you didn't need to be an arrogant toe-rag.

Snickollet said...

Anon:

Who is this "we" of which you speak? You won't even put your name on your comment.

-snick

Anonymous said...

I usually never comment, but feel compelled after that last anon comment. What makes you think that's an acceptable way to talk to someone? Who the hell are you? Anyway, I'm happy for you Snick and wish you the best of luck with Mr. Coffee. As for birth control, I've never used anything but condoms, ever. Pills, hormones, inserts, etc. just make me antsy and actually it's what works for us. I've been married for 8 years and had two intentional pregnancies. Even though I'm pretty certain I don't want any more children, sterilization seems so final. Good luck to you. Jess

Anonymous said...

I would just like to add that, too often we over analyze what is appropriate or what is expected, or we do stuff to please others and ignore our own thoughts for fear of disapproval or whatever. We put our children first over ourself. Good for you for allowing yourself to be happy and for allowing yourself to feel and to live. I'm quite certain that given the oppurtunity, you would still be with John. I'm also sure wherever he is right now, he'd want you to be happy and to live and to feel. So you had sex, good for you. That anon can go F-off. Jess

Elizabeth said...

I'm adding my vote for the NuvaRing, it really was amazing when I was on it. Really light periods and few cases of the hormone crazies. I could never feel it after the first few days and my husband didn't notice it either.
Congratulations on your fabulous date and moving forward one step at a time. You're doing a great job!

Anonymous said...

I have the Mirena IUC and I love it. I had it inserted after I gave birth to my daughter. IUD's and IUC's are usually only recommended for women who have had a child and are married or in a monogamous relationship. I am single; however, my doctor was comfortable recommending it for me because of my age (over 35)and "maturity level" (haha - I sure fooled him!). There is a risk of infertility if certain STD's are contracted while the IUD/IUC is in place. He felt comfortable that I would take appropriate measures to avoid STD's as much as possible (using protection, not being completely slutty, etc.)

The Mirena IUC is good for five years. I was 35 when I got it, and my plan was to use this until I either got married and wanted another child or until I turned 40, then I would have my tubes tied. It's now three years later, and the Mirena is still working perfectly for me. I have barely had a period since it was placed, and I can't feel it at all, even during sex.

I have used the pill before, and also used a shot (every three months, I think - in the doctor's office) for a while. This is by far the easiest method I've used.

This is such a personal choice, and only you and your doctor can decide what will work best for you and your situation. But you sound like someone who does plenty of research before making these kinds of decisions. Good luck!

Beth said...

I had the ParaGaurd IUD... and loved it. The Pill... failed to prevent pregnancy but did end a pregnancy. The depo... had the smae issues as everyone else seems to have had. 1st shot 30 days... 2nd shot 5 months. Can't do the ring because I have a retroverted uterus, essentially backwards... I vote for the IUD. Realitively low cost... good for 5 yrs of you choose Mirena, 10 years paraguard... and only till your next period if thats all you want.

nancy in sominn said...

wow, anon, pretty harsh words for someone that won't sign a name to it. it's easy to say terrible things to someone when you don't have to own the words. if you are big enough to say it, you are big enough to own it. take responsibility for yourself first, before you start worrying about others. i'm sure your glass house has a lot of cracks....

Iselyahna said...

I personally like the patch mostly because I'm like you - I'm afraid of having to remember the pill. I haven't tried any other BC, though.

I will say that the first day after I put a new patch on for the month, I used to get very nauseous, but that seems to have died down the longer I've been on it.

kathleen999 said...

Snick-- You realize you can find out a lot about anonymous, right? I'm not sure how it's done, but you can find out the town this person lives in, their internet service and I think more. That might tell you who they are, since they seem to be claiming superior knowledge of your situation and even John's opinions. Either it's a jerk pretending to know you or it's someone you really know who is too cowardly to tell you how they feel to your face. Either way you can get some info on them. Which fact might actually shut them up.

You have a right to be happy. Sadly John is no longer here, but from all you've written it's obvious he would want happiness and companionship for you. He seemed like a very loving person.

As far as birth control is concerned, I am considering the Essure. I was going to get the traditional tubal ligation, but I got sick and couldn't get have anesthesia. So considering the other. But it's permanent so it might not be for you.

Anonymous said...

Another vote for NuvaRing (even though it is a hormonal BC). I've been using it for 2 years now, since I could never remember to take the pill at the same time everyday. I've been really happy with it- periods are much lighter, husband isn't aware of it (sometimes he even helps take it out or put it in!), and really easy and convenient.

I'm so excited to read about Mr. Coffee. :o) You deserve all the happiness in the world!!!!

mlg said...

I switched to sleeping with women and haven't gotten pregnant since! In case we can't lure you over to our side I am glad all the gals here are helping.

Oh, except that one miserable, judgemental, coward. There always is one, isn't there? I like to look at it as a reminder to be thankful for the sane, kind, thoughtful people in my life.

Anonymous said...

Another happy Mirena user-just make a quick check to see if your insurance pays for it-some (even ones that pay for other types of contraception) do not!

Cali said...

I say ask your doc about the NuvaRing. It worked great for me, low hormones, light & short period and you can even remove one and replace it with the next so that you don't get your period if you don't want it (ie:hot date with Mr. Coffee)

I have suffered a devastating loss as yourself and until you are have experience such a loss no one has the right to make any judgements and even then they don't. We are the only one who knows about our own journey.

You are admired and respected by so many as is evident by all the support.

I wish you true happiness and fulfillment in all aspects of your life.

KLS said...

So happy that you're having fun!

I'm another happy Mirena advocate. No reduced sex drive, no crazy mood swings (because little to no period), and nothing to worry about on a daily basis.

The Preschool Teacher said...

The mirena iud and a backup condom worked best for me pre wedding days.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

First of all, to the nasty person who didn't sign her name: Shame on you. If you are so upset by Snick's blog, then you should go elsewhere. There are plenty of hatemongers and holier-than-thou types on the internet who would welcome you. Some of them are even brave enough to leave their names!

Now, about more important things like birth control... I reluctantly used the pill most of my life. I never liked the way it made me feel (or the weight gain) but alas, it was relatively easy. Of course, I was so sick of the hormones that I went off it in April and here I am preggers with #2! (After s/he is born in March I will seriously consider the tips your readers have given about other options.)

I also would like to echo Sarah's point about the patch. It has a Black Box Warning and some public interest groups are lobbying the FDA to pull it off the market. I'd steer clear of it!

Good luck and thanks for sharing your adventures with us!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to tell all you ring users a little secret. You can actually leave it in for FOUR weeks (yes, four, not three), and then remove it as usual. Then, you only end up with your period every five weeks. Double check the package if you don't believe me...

ann ominous said...

oh anon.....slutfactory alley? you should sign your name just to take credit for that ridiculous phrase.

raise the kids? clearly you're not a regular reader. if you were you would not have forgotten that snick is a fantastic mother who sets an example for all of us. even those of us w/o children.

Abbie said...

I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent against the NuvaRing. A good friend of mine loves it to death and I was looking for a lower-hormone thing so I thought I'd give it a try. Sex is always a bit ouchy for me during my period, but the ring extended the ouchy period out for a *week* after I was stopped bleeding. My periods were heavier. I kept thinking "Okay, it's sunday, has it been in for two weeks or three" and having to count back.

Plus, on the TMI side, my husband could *taste* a difference. And sometimes if we did non-missionary positions or were unusually vigorous, it would come out. Frantically searching for a nearly-invisible ring immediately post-coitus is not all that sexy. Although once it ended up around his penis, like a ring-toss, which was funny.

None of these things individually were that bad but after four months of them combined I went back on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen LO, which I've been on for years and love.

Anonymous said...

To the cruel "ANON". This is a America...we are all entitled to our opinion/beliefs. But as a human being...who supposedly cares about John and the kids; you picked such a cowardly and passive/aggressive way to express things. If a true friend was concerned, I think they would proceed with love and discretion.

Please do not "mar" or "diminish" our friend who is healing and growing.

Alice

Anonymous said...

I use the Mirena IUD and it rocks! I have three kids and the thought of getting pregnant again sends shivers down my spine! its really effective and you don't have to remember a thing. Its good for five years too. It would give you that back-up so that it will be virtually impossibe to get pregnant and it is no fuss for you.

Ann said...

I probably shouldn't even comment right now because anonymous just pissed me off to no end. Who the hell does anonymous think he or she is? Who are they to judge? Does anonymous realize that the indian custom of the widow jumping into the funeral pire went out centuries ago?

You're entitled to a life ,including a sex life. Just be careful. I always used contraceptive film in addition to condoms and that worked pretty well, but it can be a little bit messy (not as messy as contraceptive foam though).

And, yes here I go being mother hen, I would definitely wait a good long while before introducing him to the kids. Make sure this is a long-lasting relationship before bringing them into it. You don't want them to get attached to Mr. Coffee if he isn't going to stick around. Same goes for meeting his kids. I was a single mom for 12 years before meeting Mr. Right and he was the first man in all that time that I dated that I brought home to meet my son. It was worth waiting.

One last thing to anonymous, mind your own f-ing business and, if you can't say anything nice, keep your damn fool mouth shut!!

Meredith said...

I am going to be the lone voice of IUD dissent here, I guess. After my first child, I wanted the Mirena originally, but my MD said to try the Paragard first since it was cheaper and longer lasting. Very painful cramps once my period came back, and then low-grade pelvic/back pain that was pretty much constant. I finally gave up after 8 months of this and got a Mirena, but had the same low-grade back pain, only less. I didn't notice much of a change in my periods, or any hormonal symptoms. I gave up on the Mirena within a few months too, which really sucked after shelling out all that money.

Previously I had been on the pill and used a diaphragm and the sponge, but to this day have never found a type of birth control I like. At this point we are "taking our chances", which is good because I want another baby (but he doesn't really), but bad because our fertility is on the low side, and getting pregnant in the past has taken some real planning, so we are essentially using our own natural birth control!

One note: if you get the Paragard (copper) and need to have it removed, make sure your doctor knows what kind you have, as mine didn't realize it was T-shaped and just kept yanking and yanking!

t + j said...

hey fellow HDYDI'er!
my guys are 19 months and about a month ago i realized i better get my act in gear. i've been on the pill before, and like you, didn't dig the whole hormone thing. so this time i went with a paragard IUD. it was a little uncomfortable when they inserted it (but compared to a normal day raising twins, no big deal). my first period was on the heavier side and the cramps were no more then normal. so far i love, love, love it! and the greatest thing is i don't have to ever think about it. yahoo!

kate said...

i'd suggest the old standby...the pill. i used to use the patch, but a friend of mine got a blood clot from it. i'm assuming that you wake up around the same time everyday, why not take it as soon as you wake up?! i set an alarm on my cell phone and that works out great.

good luck on date #4!!!

Julie said...

My favorite thing is the Mirena IUD. It lasts 5 years, causes periods to almost cease (I haven't had one in over 6.5 years now and I'm totally healthy!) and it's a no brainer. You just have to have it replaced at the 5 year mark. No pain, no nothing. Good luck to you....I recently started reading your blog and I applaud you 100%!

Nancy said...

I know you've got a TON of answers already, but I have to talk about the IUD. I thought I loved it when I had it in (took it out to have another kid). When it came out I realized that IT was what was causing ... heaviness? in my abdomen. Kind of like almost always having cramps. Not common, I know - and I should have realized that it was the culprit. So, just something to be aware of if you go that way.

And don't listen to that coward Anon person...you are being super responsible (heck, this post alone reinforces that) and you are a WONDERFUL mom to those two super cute kiddos. (Not that you need to hear this from me, but I thought I'd say it anyway :) )

Jen said...

I love these entries... I don't know if I could do it so I am really cheering you on!
using the ring. I actually feel a lot better on it than I did on the pill. The IUD freaks me out b/c you can't take it out yourself. I use it continuously for 3 months then I take it out for a week. Its been great. I haven't had any issues with it falling out but at first I had a hard time b/c my V-j isn't particularly cavernous so I had an issue with the ring being too big (though my husband or I couldn't feel it) sometimes it would stick out a little but my ob showed me how put it in further around my cervix and no issues ever since. Its nice not to deal or think about it more than one day a month.

Anonymous said...

I'm a big Fan of the IUD. I've had it for 4 years and haven't gotten pregnant with it.

Anonymous said...

I'm a big fan of the ring. I was on the pill for a long time before the ring, and felt much more cranky and emotional when I was on that. With the ring, I never felt moody, and loved that I only had to think about it twice a month. My husband and I didn't use a back up for the two years or so I was on it, and never had a problem with it not working or with it coming out. I can't imagine how it could fall out actually, even during sex. You have to squish it a bit to get it out, and I just don't see that happening accidentally.

I also liked the ring because I felt like it was one of the more natural birth controls. I know there's nothing natural about birth control, but for some reason I feel like it was healthier for my body to still cycle and have a period rather than some of the options that eliminate the period. Not sure if there is any true logic behind that, but it's my personal preference.

Christine said...

Hey anonymous: Eat my ass. Snick, with 100-plus comments, you have only one negative one. Don't let that wanker get you down. We love ya.

That said, good on ya, Snick. I can't speak so much for the BC because I use Trinessa birth control pills, and it sounds like you don't want to go down that road. But just wanted to lend a voice of opinion.

And I vote for using SiteMeter for finding wanker. Jerkoff.

Kristi said...

I don't have an opinion on birth control, except that it's important. :-) I just wanted to tell you how happy your last few posts have made me and how proud I am of you. I've been following your story since before John died, and am so moved by your journey and by your capacity to share it.

Steph said...

I have the Mirena IUD also. It is good for 5 years and locally secretes a very low hormone dose. Prior to that I tried the Nuva ring and it made my breasts rock hard and painful. The IUD is a miracle! I don't ever think about it or feel it or any side effects, except for the absence of periods. Every now and then I have very mild spotting. My breasts grew a tiny bit but that's it. My friend has it too and she loves it.

Emily said...

Hey Snick-

I haven't had time to read the comments, but I have to put in a vote for a diaphragm. I actually love (as much as possible) mine - takes away a bit of the spontenaeity, but that's it for problems. I had a copper-based (no hormones) IUD that I thought I loved, but my periods became really heavy and frequent, and I think that was the cause.

Just a quick note - my OB/GYN scared me once re: take care to avoid sexually-transmitted diseases (scary ones and just annoying ones) ... the condom at least protects against those, and I don't know other ways to do that. Of course you'll talk about it with the lucky guy, but it's just something to think about for a while ...

Have fun!

Anonymous said...

As a nurse. my recommendation would be to stay away from the pill, the ring, and the patch. Being 35, your risk for SERIOUS side effects are much higher.

Have you both been tested for STDs? If not, please do that before ditching the condoms.

I think the Mirena IUD would be a great option to talk about with your doc.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Snick, I'm so sorry that a member of the Widow/er Shame Squad got you in their sights. From unsolicited advice on how to handle ones wedding rings to attempts at pretending to know a mariage better than the two people who were in it, they are just a pathetic bunch.

John chose you to marry, to have children with, to love. The idea that either one of you would be so selfish with the other, would want the other to go without pleasure in this short life, is absurd.

I know you know all this, but I just wanted to say it anyway. Just to make sure that you keep hearing it.

Kathleen

Amy said...

Hubby got snipped when the twins were two months old. With an older child he figured we had had enough.. I kid of resent him for that (whole other story ;)

If I were to have to worry about birth control at this stage of the game I do some intensive research online. And of course consider readers input.

Just been awhile since I have been were you are now ;) So happy for you. You sound happy and ALIVE!

Mama Nabi said...

I used the sponge between "off-pill" and "trying" period (mostly for the ability to say "sponge-worthy" a la Elaine Bennis) but I personally found it to be on the messy side. My OB recommended Mirena IUD - and I've really liked it. As far as birth control efficiency goes...? Have no clue since... well you know why.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I haven't had any children and I've had a Mirena for three years. It hardly hurt when I had it put in and I've never had a period since. It's great!

Anonymous said...

The Mirena is the best invention.. No or very little period, and it lasts for 5 years!!!

Jane said...

I am just seething at Anon's self-righteous, presumptuous, judgemental comments. What an asshat.

You are doing exactly what you should be doing: taking care of your children AND yourself. You have every right to be happy. You rock.

As for me, I'm a pill gal, but seriously considering switching to Mirena. (Especially after reading all the positive comments!)

Jacinda said...

I have the non-hormone version of the IUD - You can take it out at anytime - get pregnant (when you're ready)- or keep it in for 10 years. Whatever your BC decision - Keep up the Kissing!

amy said...

Longtime reader delurking to say I am so happy for you and love your blog. I am another Mirena IUD fan/user. It is awesome, although I did have spotting for about 3 weeks. Good Luck.

Tiffany said...

I used the pill for years and never had a problem with it - even with skipping a day here and there. But I have been on the pill for 10 years so I decided to to try the Mirena IUD. I did not do the ring because I am sure that once I stick it in I will forget to change it out. I am getting the Mirena in on thursday and I will let you know how it goes.

Anonymous said...

Check out the Mirena. I'll enclose a brief PDF with info.

http://www.fpq.com.au/factsheets_brochures/Fs_Mirena.pdf

Good luck with whichever method you choose!

Julia said...

I am sensitive to hormones. Everything that was ever written about the pill suppressing libido is absolutely true. I have been on about 4 different types of BC pill and only now that I am off it do I see how true this is. I am currently on the copper IUD (non-hormonal). I love it. The only time I remember that it is there is when I get my period which is quite heavy for about 2 days or so. I was going to go for Mirena (which my doctor simply loves. She says that it is the rolls-royce of IUD contraceptives, so much so that they will pay you out if you get pg) but am afraid of how the hormones will affect me. Also, mirena takes away your period and I prefer to get it. Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous said...

Me again! just read the comments and I have to say PLEASE ignore the stupid poster who assumes to know what John is thinking!
Maybe ban the anonymous function? I don't mind registering for a google account if it helps reduce morons in your life!!

Katherine said...

Just had a thought--does Mr. Coffee know you blog? If so, this must be an interesting discussion for him!

Sandi said...

The sponge is back. In college I used that with condoms. Is he sponge-worthy (I loved that Seinfeld episode).

Rachel said...

After ten years of pill-popping, I traded my hormonal birth control in for a hormone-free IUD (Paragard in the states). It CHANGED MY LIFE. I hated the side effects of the pill (moodiness, weight gain, and - most horrifyingly - decreased libido) and was happy to see them disappear as my body adjusted to the IUD. Some insurances cover it, some do not...but Paragard offers an easy payment plan for those of us who are too broke to pony up the $500 immediately. Bonus: It's good for ten years and much more cost-effective than the pill.

bg's Little Sis said...

Hey Snick, looks like you got lots of good advice and one idiot, not bad for over 100 comments :)

I had to stop the hormonal stuff at 30, too many issues, after our last baby had my tubes tied. So far so good...I tried the patch, not for me either, heard good stuff about the IUD...good luck.
-lil'sis

Anonymous said...

Cooper IUD for me! Love it. Don't have to remember a thing. Good for up to 10 years! Once removed can get preg immediately...if I wanted too (long shot, but just in case).

tracy

Kelly said...

Date #4 ?

s_ivan said...

G-d, these comments make me glad to be a lesbian. Straight people have to work a lot harder to avoid unwanted pregnancy. It's hard for me to imagine that sex with men is worth all that work... but I'm biased {grin}.

Keep on..

Anonymous said...

my friends with kids used iuds between their pregnancies -- and loved their iuds.

the pill depressed me. i know it has suppossedly made progess, but i won't try again. i should probably use something in addition to condoms, but i guess i'm not as responsible as i should be. or something.

FingKASIL said...

Chalk up another one for the Mirena IUD. Love it! I essentially never have a period or PMS. I don't have to remember to do anything. It's as effectively, statistically, as a tubal ligation, but totally reversible, and it lasts for 5 years. I've heard that getting it placed can be tough, though I was 8 weeks post-partum when I had it put in, so it was still a hamburger situation down there.

Anonymous said...

I have used NuvaRing for years, and it is great. As for Becky's fear of it falling out, that's not a big deal... I had mine come out once during *ahem*, and I just put it back in. It was actually kinda funny -- he thought he should get a prize for getting it around his... you know...

And an unrelated question. I'd love to see you address how you'll talk to Mr. Coffee about your website if things continue to progress. Considering he's already starred on it, do you tell him? Do you want him reading about your past in as much detail as you posted? As someone that met her hubby online, and I already had a website with 4 years of my personal history, it was a big deal when I revealed my site to him.

Mary Ellen said...

Wow. I can not read 129 comments (can you??) so it's more than likely that somebody has already mentioned this (at least 27 times...) But I really really like the Mirena. For five long years, there's nothing to remember to take, swallow, insert, etc., and no periods, to boot! Of course, it does not protect you from STDs.

Anonymous said...

Delurking (been reading since the CNN article, and wow Snick you are amazing) to say:

1) Yay for you for giving yourself permission to move forward and be happy.
2) Why do people read blogs and leave nasty comments? Seriously, if you don't like what they have to say, stop reading. End of story. Why is that hard?
3) Don't take this the wrong way, but please be careful. In a getting too emotionally attached too fast way. You posted the profile mostly on a whim and weren't sure why and things seem to be moving quickly. I'm so so so happy for you that you found a good one so fast, but you've suffered so much heartache already. I just worry.

Aimee said...

I was thinking about "the" Anonymous post... perhaps one of John's relatives found your blog? If so, they might be surprised, shocked or hurt to read about your newfound guy and intimacy. Just a thought. I found out the hard way that talking about something seemingly innocent can piss off the family, -especially- the in-laws.

I had to laugh at another anon's post RE: forgetting pills and feeding children. Um, obviously that person doesn't have kids and a busy life. I'm just saying....

Anonymous said...

Mirena. It is wonderful, just a tiny bit of hormone and my AF only comes around for short visits these days.

Anonymous said...

Very late to this post but wanted to strongly recommed the ring. (Nuva Ring). Pop it in for three weeks, it happily sits there secreting hormones while you don't feel a thing (and neither will he) and when you take it out on the fourth week, auntie flo shows up. No side effects, a light period, easy-peasy. Good luck! Love your blog and wish you all the best.
Robin

Anonymous said...

Here's some info on the birth control patch:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aF4mNJmhlpSI&refer=home

I guess it's better NOT TO USE IT!!

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