11 September 2008

Date #3: A Story in Two Parts

Part 1: Sexy*

Mr. Coffee was right on time. I had told him that I would be done putting the kids to bed and dealing with the mundane details of prep for the next day by 7:30 p.m. When I asked him what time he wanted to come over, he said, "I'll be there at 7:35." He was not kidding. I appreciate that. Promptness is a good thing. Eagerness to see me is also a good thing.

As promised, he brought sushi and wine. As a surprise, he brought flowers.

We ate dinner. We drank wine. We talked a lot. I felt totally comfortable having him in the house; I'd been worried about that, that it might feel awkward, but it didn't. A fear of awkwardness about all things has groundlessly worried me all along. I need to let it go.

I was, of course, thinking a lot about kissing during dinner. I am certain that I was not alone, because as soon as we were done eating, there was kissing! Yay. He is a good kisser. I am a good kisser. We kiss well together.

And lo! There was much kissing interspersed with talking and proclamations of how surprising it was that this was going so well, etc. and it was lovely. 

Thus endeth Date #3, Part the First.

Part 2: Slutty

Yes, it's true, Part 2 of Date #3 ventures into the territory of slutty despite the fact that I was wearing a totally non-slutty outfit. It wasn't even particularly sexy! It was jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt! 

But anyway. Internets, I'm now going to talk about SEX. If this is a problem for you, STOP READING NOW. If, for example, you are my mom or dad and you don't want to think about the fact that your grown daughter is involved in sexual activity, now is the time to move on to your next URL. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The last time John and I had sex was over two years ago. When I got the all-clear at my six-week post-birth appointment, there was one brief night of passion and that was that. Late-stage pancreatic cancer does not exactly bring out the tiger in you. Nor does the presence of two newborns in your life. And it's not like we were having lots of sex before that, what with me being four feet around and John on chemo that made him feel like barfing all the time and such. Our life, while it had lots of lovely and even romantic moments, was not what I'd term sexy. 

To be honest, I really didn't remember what it was like to have sex, didn't miss it, and just didn't think about it much at all. That part of my life vanished with cancer and pregnancy and C-sections and dying husbands. Gone. Poof! Archived along with the ability to get butterflies and enjoy kissing.

Well. Once the butterflies and the kissing were reactivated, so, too was the sex drive. And lo! After enough sexy kissing, things turned slutty. Good slutty, mind you. Not trampy, streetwalker slutty, but "Wow, this is our third date and I feel OK doing this?" slutty.

And that's the thing. I did feel OK. I felt better than OK. Frankly, I felt fantastic. And I still do. No regrets, no matter what happens next.

Although speaking of that, looks like Date #4 will be on Sunday . . .

*Remember for Date #2 how I had to ask my babysitter if my shirt was sexy or slutty? Well. You can see where this is going.

117 comments:

bg's Little Sis said...

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess that says it all, good for you Snick, so damned happy for ya!

I was having a crap morning, and you just gave me the HUGEST smile!

Love that there are no regrets, love that you're happy regardless of whatever may come, love that there is date #4!

Legally Brunette said...

SO happy for you. You are taking life (and maybe some other things) by the balls!

jenn said...

WOOHOO! Yeah Snickollet!

I'm glad that you two have hit it off. I am glad that you are enjoying the ride no matter where it leads. :)

amber said...

love it! love it! love it!

:D

jill said...

Woohoooooo!!!!!!! I am a lurker, but must delurk to express my happiness at this development in your life. Good for you--you deserve it, damn it!

Sally said...

I don't think I've ever commented here before, but I just wanted to let you know that your blog is my favorite thing on the internet right now. I'm happy for you and I love remembering what new love is like through your posts. Keep having fun!

NanarocksWeen said...

Chills. Good chills. So happy for you - and what a way to lift my dreary spirits. Yay, Snick!

Anonymous said...

what a happy ending! (no pun intended, lol)
i do have a question though .... with putting this story out there, do you care if mr.coffee sees it? i'm assuming you're fairly google-able, from the cnn exposure. i'm just wondering if that factors in to any of this at all .....

Megan said...

Yahooo!!!! You so deserve to feel some joy, happiness, sexiness, etc.

Snickollet said...

Anon:

Re: Mr. Coffee finding my blog, he knows that I have a blog, and it's true that it does not take much to Google me. I asked him last night if he had looked for the blog and he said no.

As I've written my posts about our dates, I've been careful to only write things that I would feel comfortable with him reading, mostly things that I've said to him or we've talked about. As things progress (I suppose that should be *if* things progress), I will need to talk to him about how much he is comfortable with me sharing with my wonderful community of readers, since it's his personal life, too, even if he does so far remain anonymous.

-snick

Kerrie said...

Oh my...WOW...!!!

Go For It...enjoy, enjoy, enjoy...!!!

yatima said...

I want a t-shirt that says "Invisible Friends On The Internet For Mr Coffee!"

Kathryn said...

Happy days and daze! That is just wonderful :-)

Giovanna Diaries said...

Home Run!
I have to admit, as one of your real life friends, I read with one hand over my eyes. But I survived!
Phew!
Happy for you! Really happy! And so can't wait til Monday Night at book club!

Forever In School said...

Snickollet,
I don't know you, but I enjoy reading your posts. It's like a true story of life. It has everything, happiness, sadness, grief, love,... and everything that life has to offer.

I wish you the best, with the kids and dating and all.

mom to three great kids said...

I'm soooo happy for you.....Glad to hear there is hope for all of us even after such tragedy as you have had. Good luck and keep us posted, i'm checking everyday :)

Anne said...

Hooray for you - and Mr. Coffee too! Can't wait to hear more. So happy for you.

E said...

I am loving reading these posts. I'm so glad you're finding this happiness. You deserve it!

Tiffi33 said...

YAY!!!
THAT is an awesome date..
and recovering your sexuality..even more awesome

moo said...

I love it! I'm glad you are assessing how you feel about things, but not OBSESSING how you feel about things.

You sound healthy, and normal.

Annie said...

Flowers, Kissing and Whatever Else Occured ! This is wonderful, and I am glad you feel wonderful about it. John DID teach you how to love, and he is smiling.
Can't wait for Monday morning post ! It's the next chapter in the romance novel.
Annie

Anna said...

i am so glad things are going well for you! Yay!

zenoma said...

Wow. I'm beaming ear to ear...I can't imagine how YOU are feeling! I'm looking forward to reading on Monday ;)

BethanyWD said...

Yes! The no regrets, whatever happens next is okay - is a great way to live your life!

Anonymous said...

You go girlfriend! :)

Tamar

Anonymous said...

Hey Snick... I too had wondered how Mr. Coffee would feel to know you had a veritable fan club of people now following your love life. But I trust your instincts to know what your comfortable sharing... and of course am beyond thrilled for you personally. Who knows what comes of this, no pun intended, but happiness is where and when you find it.

How on earth are you getting any work done today??

Snickollet said...

Anon #2:

Re: getting work done today, I'm not. Getting any work done. I'm too busy glowing :).

-snick

Goddess in Progress said...

I'm blushing on your behalf.

Enjoy the butterflies.

Lyndsay said...

Yah-HOOOOO!!

I said something in your last post about you missing an important Red Sox game last night, but don't worry about it - they couldn't get past second base....

...unlike others... teehee

Nancy said...

YOU GO GIRL. I hope he keeps knockin' your socks (and whatever else ;) ) off!

And a punctual man bringing flowers is definitely one to keep around for a while.

LA said...

I read your blog religiously but have never really responded but my gosh - know that you have totally made my day!! I went home and had a beer in your honor last night - all the while wondering how the wine and sushi dinner was going with you and Mr. C.
Thanks and CHEERS to you and Mr. C.
*I find myself wanting to cuddle more with my man these days because of you! You are truly an inspiration!!

All the best!
LA in NC

Rachel said...

Woo! I can't help, but grin when I read your blog these days.

Nicely done, madame...nicely done, indeed!

Rev Dr Mom said...

Good for you! As I said the other day, it is really wonderful to see you so happy!

Christine said...

Good for you, Snick! Two years is a long, long time. I'm proud of you!

Anonymous said...

snick, you are awesome. we were all waiting for this post today, BTW! :-)

Laura said...

Thank you for sharing with us! I love love love hearing about how well this dating thing is working out for you. It's so exciting, and I'm glad we can share in your happiness as well as your other emotions. We're all rooting for you!

Watercolor said...

:) Excellent. And sometimes, dating is MUCH fun. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, out with John in a flash and in with dating guy, huh?

Guess you didn't waste much time moving on.

Sad to think that it didn't seem to take you long to move so quickly, eh?

LadyBug said...

I am so excited for you! :) Here is to many happy future dates!

Pam said...

Seriously Anon, could you be any more rude!???
Not that Snick needs me to defend her, but do you have any idea what she has been through? How can you say it's too soon for her to move on with her life?
You go Snick!!!!
Pam

Snickollet said...

Anon #3:

Sad? Sad how? It's not as though I've forgotten John. I don't get it.

-snick

Lisa said...

So, anonymous ... a year and a half is too short a mourning period? What *is* the accepted minimum period of time?

Look, jackass, wherever John is I'm sure he's looking out for Snick, making sure that she's happy. I never had the pleasure of knowing him in life, but I'm pretty sure he'd want her to be happy.

And I'm pretty sure that if it's at all possible, he'd arranged for you to leave your lights on and drain your battery for such a snarky comment. I mean, that's what I'm wishing for you :)

Snick, you slut, I'm so happy for you!

Beth in CA said...

I've read for about a year and a half but I think only commented once. I simply had to chime in LOUDLY to drown out any other voices (hopefully only 1, Anon #3...) that don't understand the beauty and wonder and delight of this development for you. I don't think Mr. Coffee could possibly understand that by romancing you, he is, in fact, romancing heaps of us Internets who are having a post-date swoon ourselves, giddy with happiness for you. I'm thrilled for you, impressed in your ability to cope and keep moving forward, and awed by your ability to find joy (and to share it eloquently with all of us). You rock. Keep on having a marvelous time, and please, keep on letting us know about it -- we're absolutely over the moon for you!

Lisa Sipka said...

Way to go Snick!!! I'm happy for ya. Enjoy it - you deserve some butterflies!

Tretorn Girl said...

Like Jill, I am a lurker, but I just had to let you know how thrilled I am for you. That today, this week, next month...whenever....you are happy.
Good for you!

Elspeth said...

YES

I am so happy for you.

*huge grin here*

Mar said...

Wow! Yay for brightness, and good vibes, and feeling better than ok -- and for date #4!!

S_ivan said...

Anonymous person is probably just an internet troll. let's not give him/her another thought. They're just there to try to get everyone all in a snit. That's how trolls get their jollies and it's best not even to encourage it by responding.

see the NY times article for more info:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/magazine/03trolls-t.html

The fact is you're awesome and deserve all the happiness in the world.

Dana said...

I don't believe I've ever commented but I just had to say that I'm so happy for you!!! I've been reading for awhile and I know it took some time before you were ready to go down this road but I'm so glad you did. No regrets...whatever happens!!! You are SOOOO AWESOME!!!

d-

PS: Pay no attention to the anonym-ASS behind the curtain!!!

django's mommy said...

hey anon: STFU!

hey Snick: YAY!!!!

Anonymous said...

When you feel comfortable or ready, I'd love to hear more about this Mr. Coffee. Right now, in my imagination he is a tall shadow, steaming like a cup of coffee. LOL

- A

Lisa said...

Wow! This is getting better than a steamy novel!! So glad you are happy, smiling nad kissing! I love my husband but I miss those early-date-awkward kisses and the smiles afterwards. You go girl!! You DESERVE this!

Anonymous said...

Snick,
You've gone through hell and kept going. I'm so impressed and inspired that you listened to your inner voice and when you were ready, you took a step and got out there. It is a gift of grace that this is happening like it is, and that you are so in the moment with it. John is happy for you!

Tiffany said...

Ignore the bad comment from Anonymous - I am so glad for you and it is time to start exploring the world of dating. John will ALWAYS be a part of you and will ALWAYS be with you but he would be happy to know that you have moved on. I am sure that John never wanted you to morne his passing for the rest of your life.

Congrats on the whole dating thing - and who knows what will happen next but you can be sure I will be reading to find out !!!

Anonymous said...

you sound really healthy

Anonymous said...

Ha, fun fun fun.....you go girl is right. Anon #3 is just looking for some blogging attention :) Or else just having a bad day :) What does Mr. C look like.....

SEC

Kate said...

anon-how DARE you tell someone when the right time is, or isn't, to start dating again! if i knew who you were, i'd slap you!

snick-i think you're great for putting yourself out there! i'm giddy just ready this!

Pink said...

You go. Am delighted with your happiness and joy. It is just shining through. Life is for living. Even as you remember your husband, and honour him through your children, celebrate your life and your happiness too. Pink

Mary Ellen said...

Woohoo!
You get the kids to bed by 7:30!!!??
(And good job on all the rest of it too ;)

Kate said...

***reading*** this

SO happy its almost friday!

BrooklynGirl said...

Sounds like a fabulous evening--so, so glad for you.

Mandy said...

Im am coming out of 'Lurker land' to say congrats! I love reading your blog and am now addicted to this Mr. Coffee stuff! ;)

P.S. I have a twin brother and love reading about all of the funny stuff that your kids say. It reminds me alot of how he and I used to act.

Kirsten said...

Go, Snick! Happiness good!

Mr. Coffee sounds excellent and worthy of your fabulousness.

I've never met you IRL, but I can't tell you how happy I am for you.

--married (+two kids) to my Internet Mr. Coffee

Betty M said...

That sounds great. He sounds great. You sound happy. Its all great!

Donn24g said...

Happiness is self-created; those who find it and seek it will be able to enjoy it in its fullest. That anon commenter #3 cannot be a judge of where and when you might find happiness.

I am thrilled all the news and look forward to every post. Your blog has become a fairy tale. You deserve the best. Whether Mr. Coffee is another Mr. Forever or Mr. Right Now, He is sure making you happy and that's all that matters.

Kady said...

Honey, you're funny. And beaming right through the computer (if such a thing is possible).

Tiffanie said...

Awwwwwww.....

What a sweet, lovely, thing that is happening in your life right now. Congratulations!

Carrie said...

Delurking to say that you are one of my favorite bloggers. Your honesty, insight, and adorable kid stories keep me coming back for more. It's strange that I don't know you, yet was wondering all day how your date went. Glad you are finding happiness. You certainly deserve good things. Keep up the wonderful writing.

Anonymous said...

Well you have inspired me.... I have not dated or at least anything you can call serious in 22 years (I am in my 40's). After some pretty horrific events, I shut down. I thought I was trying to have relationships, but as soon as they got remotely close I moved on. I have been reading your blog since before John died. I have cried with your loss, laughed with you about your precious children and the things they do and say, and I think now grown with you as you have so selflessly shared your process with so many. I actually paid for an online dating service today

Jill said...

Oh Snick, That is the best news. Now I am anxious for my husband to get home.

Anonymous said...

Snick,

Mr. Coffee is a lucky man.

Keep living in the moment and keep sharing the details! ;)

Anonymous said...

So very, very, very happy for you!

... leslie

baggage said...

Shut up Anon #3.

Now that I got that out of my system, HELL YEAH. This post made me grin from ear to ear. Hell yeah for the slutty stuff that you don't regret. I'm really happy for you.

tousquireste said...

yeeeeehaaaawww!! I'm so happy for you!
I also feel like you're reminding me of how awesome romance and sexy time is, so thanks!

Kerrie said...

Your not getting any work done comment made me laugh...how on earth could you possibly concentrate ?? I bet your mind is wandering and bits of you are reminding you how exquisite new romance is.

As for anon #3...who the hell are you to judge..?? At least have the courage to put your name to your post. Very gutless.

doctorsquared said...

Just to add to the crowd, congratulations! I'm glad that you are so happy and giddy and excited right now. After everything that you've been through, you deserve to feel happy and light-hearted and SEXY!

Meggan said...

Reading your blog lately just fills me with glee. Yay!

twingles said...

Holy cow, this blog is starting to read like a novel. A really good novel!

I'm really very happy for you.

thienan said...

I never thought I'd feel this happy for a complete stranger on the internet, but I AM SO HAPPY for you and glad that you are sharing your life with the rest of us readers.

Anonymous said...

Holy freakin crap!!!!!!!!!!11

My eyes are popping out of my head and my husband keeps asking me what I am reading!!

Oh WOW!

Karyn said...

Wow!!! Good for you, Snick! Again, I had to rush over to the computer when Adam asked if I had read your blog yet today... Woo Hoo!

nancy in sominn said...

so, so, happy for you.


one passing thought...birth control?

Emily said...

hey hey hey, snick! I'm shamed to say how many times I checked your blog for your update this morning ... and then I read it and cheered. way to go ...

Lauren said...

I am so excited for you- what wonderful posts to read!!!

Anonymous said...

I am happy for you, too, but I want to offer one bit of food for thought. The first time I went out with someone, a year after my divorce and several years after I'd quit even thinking about sex, he swept me completely off my feet. I had completely forgotten what it felt like to want--really want--physical contact, and I was stunned by how forcefully my hormones reared their heads (can hormones have heads?). He said all the right things, and I slept with him without checking them out. The sex was incredible, but sadly, he was not at all he portrayed himself to be. I say YEA for you for getting out there again. I agree that you deserve to feel happy and sexy and have all the fun you so richly deserve, but I'd urge you to be cautious, too. Make sure you know this man--not just who he seems to be, but who he really is. Because if he hurts you, all of your readers are going to have to come after him. All the best to you, dear Snick.

Kristin said...

LOVING THIS. Read this today at work... then came home and read it again :)

So happy for you & hope you and Mr. Coffee have many more nights just like it!!!!!

Heather said...

How magical it is that your happiness is creating so much happiness all around the blogosphere! Thank you for sharing your story and spreading your joy. You deserve it and we are just thankful to be along for the ride!

lizzie said...

I literally squealed and bounced up and down in my chair while I read this... I am so so so happy for you (and so envious too, there's nothing like new love!)! Thanks for letting us share this with you~

Anonymous said...

Eeeeek! I read your blog, and I have commented maybe once before, but I had to tell you how THRILLED I am for you....that you are putting yourself out there, that you are going with what feels right, that you are finding happiness and joy, that you have butterflies, that you have met someone to make you smile.

Like someone else said, your blog is so compelling because it is such a reflection of ALL that life has to offer: the good, the bad, the rewarding, the deflating, the everything. You are so real, and I am so thankful that you are willing to share your raw emotions and feelings with so many.

Just from reading, I feel like you have really good judgment....and that you will make intelligent decisions that feel right and are sound.

For what it's worth, not that YOU need affirmation, but I have a friend who is my age (27) and lost her husband last Christmas. She has already hopped on the dating wagon again. Only YOU know what feels right: the what, the where, the who, the when.

Follow your heart, live life, and continue making us all smile!

CA said...

Awesome.

Ali said...

I said OMG with a huge smile on my face. This is the best story!! I love what the one comment said about the best life story. Happy, sad, greif, love...I love your writing and that you can't concentrate for all the right reasons.

Amy said...

WHOOOO HOOO! So happy for you :)
And those that 'worry' about her, try not to, Snick is a big girl now.
Don't feed the trolls!

And totally what Beth in CA said, all of us loving this vicariously. Mr. Coffee has NO idea ;)

kathleen999 said...

I wish you the best! Your timeline is your own. Ignore those who question it.

Just proves to me that John is up there looking out for you! Enjoy and be happy. You deserve it.

Keen said...

There are so many responses I could leave to this post, but they all boil down to: I'm so glad things continue to feel so right.

And I don't feed trolls, but I feel compelled to share the following story: A few years ago, I dumped a good friend who left me a nasty voice mail telling me I should be done mourning an incident in my life. Not a day goes by that I'm not happy I lost the friendship, and I learned three very valuable lessons to boot:

1. You never know how long it's going to take for you.

2. You ESPECIALLY don't know how long it's going to take for someone else.

3. Fuck anyone who tries to tell you how long it should take.

Just sharing because they've all been very useful lessons.

So, so glad there's a fourth date on Sunday!

Lots of love to you, Snick. You wouldn't believe how happy I am for you.

lindsey said...

hoooray! i couldn't wait to get up and read your post this morning. so very happy for your that your wine + sushi + more date was so good. much, much deserved. thank you so much for sharing your story with us, snick!

lindsey

Caustic Cupcake said...

YOU GO GIRL WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The McMommy said...

You go, girl.
Seriously though...More details would be nice. :)
I am happy for you...

Silver said...

So glad you are putting some lovin into your life! Enjoy and take care

Anita said...

You are brave and aspiring....alot more than I can say for myself (too scared to date again :( ).

Can't wait for the next instalment...

Julia said...

I have been following your blog for ages and this is my first time commenting. Let me start by saying that I am so very happy for you. It is great that you are making the decision to move forward and that you are rediscovering your sexuality in the process. All the best to you. You deserve a break!

Tripsmom said...

I also want a T-Shirt that says "I love Mr. Coffee"!!!!!! Wow - your blog is too short, you should write a book.

Anonymous said...

Snick, I agree with the last comment...You should write a book. Your blog is about healing and love. Your honesty and journey have caused me to consider painful things honestly. That is a critical part of healing. And you teach this lesson so well through your personal life stories.

Thank you for sharing your life. Because you have been so transparent, it's not hard to view you as a friend who we care about, who has touched us and who we wish the best for!

Alice

Anonymous said...

as a daily lurker....keep the dates coming! i want updated! So happy for you and your Mr. Coffee!

Pantheist Mom said...

You're making all this up, aren't you?

:-)

Glad you're having fun.

DEBRA said...

Snick
I think you can see that we all want your happiness, and I believe you can see we all (well almost all) support your decisions and actions. I am so happy to hear the happiness in your 'voice'. John would be the happiest of all I believe. It's funny because just yesterday my husband told me that if something were to happen to him my future happiness meant the uptmost to him ... John would want you to go on and be happy and raise two happy children.

Debra

Michelle said...

We're all rootin' for ya! It's all part of the process. Don't let that rotten anon. comment get to you, some people have the need to judge others when it's not their place to judge. Best of luck on date #4!!!

Sara said...

Yay! So happy things are going well - I remember my leap back into "things" after my daughter's dad basically ditched us (before she was born) and it was so rejuvinating - I remember feeling so happy to be wanted(in a semi slutty way)! Go on girlie!!

BethGo said...

Yea!

I'm glad it's going well.

Your posts make me smile.

shmo said...

Whenever I mention your blog to someone else, I always start out by saying, "This friend of mine has a blog that I read daily..." So like it or not, we're already friends. And like it or not, I'm insanely happy for you! Congrats on what I'm assuming is a perma-grin on your face right about now!

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, let me rephrase that, double WOOHOO!!!!!!

June said...

Snickollet I'm soooo happy for you & wish you all the very best in days to come. Last night I made the comment to my daughter that I'm SURE John would be so happy knowing that YOU are happy. To anyone who is of the opinion the length of 'mourning' one's husband is a certain period of time -- rats!!!!to whoever you are! It's NOT ours to make a judgment on... Snick, you are DESERVING of having a happy life - you AND your children AND Mr. C!!!!! I haven't been a regular reading your blog but something led me to it this morning. You have made my day!!! God bless you, Mattie & Riley...and MR.C!!!

silene said...

Wooohooo!! I am thrilled to know that life is raining some happiness down on you!

Karen said...

wow - i don't check in for a couple of days and i miss all the fun! well, hopefully, there will be lots more "fun" in your immediate future but, still, i'm a little late in chiming in with my 2 cents:

You! Go! Girl!

~ Jolene said...

YOU GO SNICK!!! so happy that you're feeling happiness again.

Anonymous said...

Yea for you!! You blog is my favorite thing to read and gives me courage to live again after my fiance died. Way to take the bull by the horns!!!!!

Olga said...

I'm a regular lurker who just had to say - WOOHOO!! You deserve some happiness after everything you've been through. Enjoy every minute. And thank you for sharing your life with us.

Jackie said...

I only found this today...I want to thank you. I am a widow as well. A recent widow. But I just want to tell you that knowing that life does continue whether we like it or not and that it is okay to feel again makes a small difference. Your love of John and dating again are two completely seperate things. There is an infinite amount of room in our hearts for love. I am cheering you on...and feeling comforted by all you express....that life after losing the love of your life is not only for mourning.