19 May 2008

Welcome Home

It's always the same with vacations. It's like you never left.

The kids and I had a great reunion. They clearly had so much fun, and so did I.

But they cried when I put them to bed. I was up twice with a screaming Ri-Man in the middle of the night. They were up for the day at 4:30 a.m. When I went in in give screaming Madeleine her ducky back at 4:45 a.m., my loving comment as I tossed it in her crib was a hissed, "Shut. Up. It's time for SLEEPING." I promised the kids oatmeal for breakfast only to discover that we were all out. Maddie threw a hissy fit at the table because one of the crackers I gave her was broken in half. I let Riley sit in the front seat of the car while I buckled Maddie in, and he honked the horn by accident, which scared the holy living crap out of him. A brand-new sippy cup of milk leaked all over the back of the freshly-cleaned car on the way to daycare. I was leaving for work at the time that I normally arrive.

Holy Monday, Batman.

I know the kids are just readjusting to being back at home after a weekend out of the normal swing of things. I'm sure their crying last night was at least partly related to the tease of Mama finally coming home only to sling them into their cribs and leave them again until morning. I'm sure the troubles this morning were related to the kids being tired from having gotten up so early, and having gotten up so early because of wanting to see Mama sooner rather than later. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for this kind of night and start to the week, but I still feel drained, the Zen of vacation already slipping from my grasp, my teeth clenched, my eyes drooping.

There's a thread on my moms of twins listserv right now, a flood of responses to an overwhelmed mom of newborn twins, telling her how great she is doing and how it really will get easier. I replied to the thread, but in regards to things getting easier, I have to disagree. Overall, it's not really easier, it's just different. The challenges have changed. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this is parenting. Easier? Not so much. Different? All the time.

26 comments:

Giovanna said...

Welcome Back! You sound you could use some Sangria about now.
First day back is always hell! Makes you rethink leaving in the first place....at least it does for me..which is why I haven't been to NY to visit my family in over a month!
It will get easier! 3 is much easier (after the whole potty-training crap) and 4 is a blast!Hang in there! You'll get through it and we'll help you each step of the way.

Anonymous said...

This age really is a hard time.
Soon enough you will have them walking beside you, seeing the same shapes in the clouds that you see. You will look them in the eyes and smile, not remembering ever waking up at 4:30 on a Monday morning, only that their eyes look just like they did when they were two.

B

Madness said...

Welcome Back Snick! Hope the day/week gets easier for you!

Madness said...

Welcome Back Snick! Hope the day/week gets easier for you!

Driving With the Brakes On said...

Welcome back! So glad you had a good time, and sorry to hear the transition back wasn't so great . . . that always seems to be the problem with going away.

I like your parenting logic - it really doesn't get any easier as time goes on; it just becomes different . . . so true!

Deb said...

While I dont have twins I do have two boys who are both grown now (23 and 21) and even to this day there are challenges. It does get better as they get more and more self sufficient but being a parent is never easy. Just keep doing all we can kids - thats all we got.

~lifedramatic~ said...

Welcome back, I hope your trip was relaxing, would love to hear about what you did and where you ate, or if you just holed up in the hotel room all weekend with ice cream, potato chips, and Julia Roberts movies... ok well maybe that's my fantasy!

Anyway, glad you are back! Welcome Home!!!

Charlene

http://lifedramatic.spaces.live.com

hmm... said...

My daughteris about six months older than your kiddos and she gone back and forth between her dad and I since she was about six months old. The transition usually takes about a day. By the second morning things are always back on track in either house.

Hang in there. 4:30 in the morning never does get any easier though, does it? Espicially when you are the only one there to deal with things. Its nice to find another single mother on the internet! Happy Monday!

Kristin.... said...

You're right; it gets different, but not easier. The kids grow and change. The understand things better.

So glad you had a nice weekend.

My twins ALWAYS cry when I walk in the door, even if I've only been gone a couple of hours.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back and I'm so glad the first couple of posts said it does get easier. My twins turn 3 in July and this potty training stuff is, as with all things twins...SO MUCH HARDER THAN WITH ONE and it wasn't exactly a breeze with one. As always, you have my admiration for slogging through this solo.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you comment of it not really getting easier, just different. Both of my sisters had boy/girl twins. One set is 20 and the other is almost 17. My sister was sending her 17 year olds off to the prom last week which meant she and her husband running in 2 different directions to get photos of each of them with there dates (they were in different limos meeting at different houses). The next day - mothers day - she was telling my other sister about the craziness. Her response was "wait til you have to send them both to college..I think it was easier when they were younger".

I am constantly amazed at how well you handle things on your own. You are doing way better than you give yourself credit for!!

beeeeeeeee said...

Thank you so much for that! I remember everyone telling me it would get better. I think it just gets so that you feel it's "normal". (And I don't even have twins...)

I hope you will get some normalcy back this evening.

Anonymous said...

As a fellow mom of twins (2 boys) that are almost three, I have to say the the easy days were as infants. I was lucky with easy babies, good sleepers, but now every day is a challenge not to send them off to boarding school(do they have that for pre schools?), what did save my sanity somewhat is putting them in separate rooms for sleeping. They both sleep a lot better, and if one gets up at the crack of dawn or earlier, its much easier to deal with just the one. I hope to reunite them at some stage, but nothing is worse than a crany sleep deprived toddler. Good Luck!

Caustic Cupcake said...

As flattering as it is that your little ones can't wait to be near you again, it doesn't make up for having to get up at 4:30 in the freaking morning.

Here's wishing you better nights of sleep ahead!

Anonymous said...

Your overall point about parenting getting different rather than easier -- I'm with you, I really am.

But you get more sleep as they get older. And that makes EVERYTHING easier to deal with. Hoping you get a better night tonight!

Shelley

tripsmom said...

When my triplets were born (3.5 years ago) I was told it would get easier - RIGHT! Different, YES, More demanding, YES! EASIER NO-WAY. Many days I wish the girls were back in their cribs, at least then they were not whining, hanging on my trouser legs, fighting for attention, saying NO to everything I ask. But all said and done we do have our fun moments.

Kathryn said...

One day it will...but now is when you need the break! Sorry you were returned to reality with such a loud bump..hope things improve as the week goes on,and that you have time to breathe this evening if not sooner.

DesperateOperawife said...

Hi Snicks,

I've tagged you for a meme if you are interested. Love your blog. Kids are soo cute.

Desperate Operawife :)

Jen said...

Dude, it's National Recalcitrant Toddler Week, didn't anybody tell you? At least, that's how it is here in my house. Lots of "No!" (and his Maryland version, "Naaaohh!) and crankiness and refusal to allow socks to be put on and crying in the middle of the night. Wishing us both strength and peace, my sister.

And hey, So You Think You Can Dance starts this week!!! If you can get a sitter, come on over Thursday. If this week doesn't work (sorry for the short notice, I kept forgetting to call/email sooner), plan for next week or any Thursday. It's a blast!

Love,
Jen

Annagrace said...

It's the same thing with just one child, I'm afraid. I know having two doubles the words/labor/time/frustration/etc. but even with one it's a constant cycle of FINALLY feeling like you've figured out this whole parenting thing and FINALLY figured out this tiny-but-determined-and-very-vocal-child, when, maybe 48 hours later (if you're lucky) it's all new all over again. Again, I can only imagine the twins thing and don't pretend I know a stitch about that. But I can also promise that one is not necessarily less complicated.

Jana said...

I laughed out loud when I read the part about the broken cracker--not because it was funny, but because boy howdy, can I relate. Charlotte refuses to eat anything but "big crackers"--a whole, unbroken graham cracker or nothing. Also, she's just one day younger than your twins. I'm feeling your pain.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back. I am so happy to be able to read your blog again. I work for the State in a state far from you, and somehow I stumbled on your blog one day and got hooked -- read the whole thing from beginning to that day. I am also parenting alone, went through IVF DE hell with no success, and laughed and cried with you. Many times I have wanted to just reach out and give you a hug -- amazing how close you can feel to someone you don't know who certainly doesn't know you at all. Anyway... one day the State in its infinite wisdom decided reading blogs was not a good use of its employees' time (oh, the shock!) and cut off my access. Recently we got new computers and... they forgot to block us, I think. I'm sure it won't last long, but for now I am back in the land of Snickollet. And I just read about your CNN interview -- will have to go check that out. You go, girl. I think of you and John and Mads and Ri-Man all the time and send quiet wishes for peace and happiness for all of you. You are an amazing mom. I am having a hard time lately and wondering why it's getting harder and harder for me to control my temper with my DD. You give me hope I will get to a good place again. Thank you for writing and sharing and being so honest and eloquent. It's greatly appreciated by many people you will never know, especially me. Oh, and thank for sharing where your name comes from -- I've often wondered.
Hugs,
D

Lil Mis said...

The age is hard. I found with both my kids once they turned around 4 things did get much better. And looking back (my daughter is almost 14 now) things were good until around 12. And then, stock up on any good wine you can find!!

maura said...

My twins are 20 months and I agree.
I've exchanged holding bottles and reflux for chasing naked girls peeing on carpet and doing a version of "flash dance" on spilled cheerios.
I find myself adding up the time it will take to "clean that up" after they go to bed...
My sister's twins are 14 and life seems pretty easy for her, despite the sarcastic comments from her own children and arguments about homework. I still she her drinking wine and relaxing with a book.
I'm going to go clean the cheerio dust off my floors.

Julie said...

I got the best piece of advice from someone when I complained about not getting any sleep and begging for someone experienced to tell me it gets easier...my friend said that it doesn't get any easier, but it does get better. I agree with that - the screaming newborn that can't tell you what's wrong changes to the screaming toddler who will ONLY tell you what's wrong. Ahhhh...but they can also tell you they love you and hug you back...better, definitely better.

Katherine said...

I do think parenting gets easier as kids grow older. New challenges, for sure, and different ones, but it gets easier too as they grow more independent.

But if you're talking about single parenting, and parenting after a loss, I totally agree that is gets different rather than better. My husband's been gone two years now, and my kids are older than yours ( a teen and a pre-teen) and our life now is different than it was right after my husband died. . . but it's certainly not better.