On the other hand, I've been able to take care of a lot of personal projects at work, which has been really nice, and has freed up my time in the evenings to take care of even more. In the past couple of weeks I have (in no particular order):
1. Started to sort out the last remaining retirement account of John's that needs to be transfered to my name, which means that I am one step closer to consolidating those accounts with the help of a financial planner.
1a. Had the services of a financial planner basically land in my lap through a friend; he's very busy with tax season right now, but it's on the radar that I will talk to him about my financial situation and how to best get it under control.
2. Made an appointment with the oncology social worker that I met with right before John died. I'm seeing her today and I also have an appointment set up with her for next Tuesday.
3. Organized all my digital photos of the twins to date and assembled the mini photo books through the current month. (Now I need to order prints and update the physical albums; I am ashamed to admit how far behind I am there.)
4. Started tagging stuff for my moms of twins club upcoming yard sale.
5. Sorted through a bunch of toys to determine what could get sold at the sale.
6. Found online retailers for the twins' cloth diapering needs and their preferred sippy cups; both retailers offer free shipping and have great prices.
7. Given away a box of cloth diapering stuff that was given to me by another twin mom but was already too small for M&R.
8. Continued to throw out or donate some stuff in my basement that has been hanging on for way too long.
9. Looked into upgrading my cell phone and straightened out the billing/name on the account.
10. Set up direct billing for my long-term care insurance.
I've gotten to the point where my evenings have really been my own for the past few nights. A lot of the items had been hanging over me for some time, and while some (like the photos and the financial stuff and the tagging for the sale) are ongoing, I feel like I'm making inroads and that I can breathe a little easier.
As a result, I've been going to bed earlier and getting more sleep, which is great. I've also been thinking of what I can do with my new-found time. Exercise is one thing. Still working on the motivation for that. I think I'm going to pull out my knitting needles and get to work on a knitting project. Not sure what yet, but I'll feel better about my somewhat pathetic reality TV habit if I'm making a sweater while I watch.
Speaking of reality TV, IDOL TONIGHT. More Beatles, which I'm lukewarm about even though I love the Beatles. Idol is one show during which there will be no knitting. And no talking. Only watching.
Not sure what the ultimate decision will be on the coffee maker, but thanks for all the input. I did go ahead and order the Senseo with the $15 promotion. I mean, for $15, I can hardly go wrong, which is the whole idea behind the promo, right? If it doesn't work for me, I'm sure I can find someone who would like to have it for free, so I'm just going to give that a try for now and see what happens. Four to six weeks for delivery, bah.
UPDATE: I just got an e-mail saying that my machine has shipped via DHL! So much for a four-to-six week wait. Yahoo!
I feel like I need to brainstorm a bit before my session with the social worker this afternoon. I was going to pen-and-paper brainstorm, but I'm sitting here typing already, so I figured I'd just share my brain dump with the Internet. You already know that I have old, yucky boobies, so really, we have no secrets.
- how to stop being The Mom Who Yells
- feelings of resentment, anger, frustration: where to put them
- those feelings as related to John and the twins
- guilt about resentment I felt towards John at the end of his life
- not enjoying my life
- not enjoying my kids
- feeling like I'm doing the right thing--getting help from friends, getting out, finding time for myself, being kind to myself--but still feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and unhappy
- learning to live in the moment
- parenting issues: not sweating the small stuff, being more patient, letting loose and having fun