08 March 2008

Speechless

I got one of those meme e-mails from a friend today. It's a variation
on a meme I've seen at other people's blogs: four places you've lived,
four jobs you've had, etc. This time, it was threes instead of fours,
but same idea.

As any of you who have tagged me for memes know, I'm really bad about
doing them. I enjoy reading them, but I rarely get around to doing
them, I'm afraid. This one, though, I decided to reply to right away.
It was quick until I got to the last item: Three things I'm looking
forward to this year.

I had no answer.

Not a single one.

I have no idea what I'm looking forward to this year. Surviving?

My day-to-day life is what it is. But what I see coming up in the next
year is more of the same. While I'm not unhappy overall, life is hard.
I am looking forward to seeing the twins learn and grow, to spending
time with family and friends, to (hopefully) learning more at my job.
OK, there are three things. I guess I just want to have a different
answer, an answer that is beyond
something that's a part of my daily life. As usual, the answer here
rests with me. If I want those things to look forward to, I need to
create the opportunity for them to happen.

That seems like so much work. Can't the universe just hand me something
on a silver platter? Just once? Please?

16 comments:

moo said...

I totally hear you. 2003 kicked my butt in every way, shape, and size imaginable and I remember feeling just like you do ... what is there to look forward to and how can I get out of this funk?

Time heals, but it comes slowly. Perhaps making a more manageable goal ... such as _____ by December will make it seem easier.

I'm also dreading the time change ;)

OTRgirl said...

I asked Jrex today if he felt like his life had become utilitarian rather than philisophical. He thought it had. He added, "When life gets rough, it becomes much more about survival rather than philosophy. You get up, think about what you have to do that day, and then go to sleep. You can't handle thinking about the bigger picture, you just have to keep going in the hope that at some point something might shift or change."

Reading your post brought that to mind. It's just a season. It might feel endless, and it might be long, but it's just a season.

cheryl said...

i really wish you'd get paypal because i'd love to buy you a bottle of wine to drink while you write upir blog posts, and i live in australia which makes that impossible.

cheryl said...

ok, i was drinking too much wine while i wrote that... upir?? your...

Anonymous said...

From being several months ahead of your two - it really, really does get sharply easier very soon now. Probably that comment does not help much but I guess my thought is that I hope in a year, then you will be able to come up with something.

Sometimes surviving is enough, to get to the next phase.

-SL

niobe said...

Word. There are a lot of things I'm hoping won't happen, but not a lot that I feel that I can realistically look forward to.

NanarocksWeen said...

Oh, man, I hear you. At almost 60 years old, what three things am I looking forward to? Hmmm... maybe the stock market will stop falling and my retirement funds will stop disappearing. Maybe my bionic knee will stop hurting so much. Maybe I'll survive another year. Watching my own three grandsons grow - that I'll enjoy. But I, too, wish there was something more. I'm on the other side of the hill than most of you, and all I can seem to see is more aches and pains, more of the same work/job, more hoping to find enough cash to someday retire to.... what? I'm searching as well, Snick. Here's to all of us finding those three (or more) things...

Rachel said...

My situation isn't even close to what yours is, but I frequently find myself at a loss for things to look forward too also.
It helps a little if I try to look forward to little mundane things, like a secret trip to Starbucks without a car full of kids, or the awesome dinner I'm going to have on Tuesday, or whatever. It kind of helps me to look ahead and not feel overwhelmed by my lack of prospects for the future.

Allan said...

I'm looking forward to having a new president!

Keen said...

Snick,

I hope many wonderful things come your way this year, and I hope they're things you wouldn't even have thought to look forward to when you wrote this post. I was so relieved for your sake that 2007 was over that I hadn't really given much thought to 2008.

As soon as I get home, there will be wine and good Costa Rican coffee on its way to you--that's something to look forward to, even though it's not much, in the near future.

Lots of love to you, lady.

Jennifer F. said...

I wish I could write some brilliant comment that would make it all better. Unfortunately all I can offer is to say that I'm so sorry that things are so difficult right now. I sincerely hope that things get better for you.

C. said...

One day at a time. Look forward to watching a show, or dinner with friends. Makes for a bit of an easier time.

Julia said...

A vacation? A gift from parents, complete with childcare. I say that's what the universe wants to whisper into your parents' ears. Right?

erica said...

Looking forward to dinner at a nice restaurant helps me trudge through the week, but sometimes all I have to look forward to is buying new shampoo at Whole Foods.

I hope the sleeping situation gets better soon. I have no experience in these things, so I can't advise.

At least it's getting a little warmer, right? And the extra hour of daylight is wonderful...

Nitesister said...

I wish I could reach out and just hug you.
Smile, even if its just for the littlies.

Angela said...

Yes, you definitely deserve something on a silver platter wrapped in a bright red bow, with no work on your part, but because you deserve something nice to just fall into your lap. I wish I had words of wisdom to get you through. One thing I've learned from your writing, you are one tough lady and you are a survivor. You have inner peace and strength that most people can only dream about having. Your positive energy and generosity of spirit shines through, you will attract all that is good in the universe, I am sure about that.