25 March 2008

Lessons for the Day

I need to learn to manage my perfectionism.

I need to trust my instincts about my kids even if what I need to do with and for them is not what outside forces are telling me is right.

I need to remember that I will not spoil the twins (or instill bad habits) by giving them what they need.

Before I leave work every day, I am to envision shedding my shell of perfectionism, unzipping that casing and leaving it in my office. I am allowed to put it back on when I get to work in the morning. But at home, I am to focus on creating a space where the kids and I can just be and can get what we need from each other without worrying about doing it right or perfectly or the way we are supposed to do it.

This is hard work.

14 comments:

Andria said...

Perfectionism- that one gets to me too.

moo said...

try being a perfectionist who is also a procrastinator. UGH.

Motherhood is hard. You can cut yourself some slack and it will be OK. Your kids love you because you are YOU.

OTRgirl said...

I love that imagery. It's a great way to think about it.

Heather said...

Someone's met with the social worker. And now the hard part begins. Good luck to you!

Anonymous said...

beautifully said!

What A Card said...

Perfectionism is the biggest thorn in my side. I think I've managed to step down to control-freak. In my mind, that is an improvement...I allow things to be imperfect if I feel it was my decision to allow it to be imperfect. Maybe you can aim for "control-freak" as your next step :)

I hope you can leave it all at work, but don't be too hard on yourself if you can't. Remember, you don't have to be perfect in your quest to leave behind the perfectionism!

Anonymous said...

This is your best blog ever.
You have so much on you right now.
It seems like it will never end when the little ones wake you during the night or break down for what seems to be no reason,
especially when you are doing it all on your own.
Mine are teenagers now and the middle of the night wake ups are less, yes, but they are still there. Text messages from other continents,telling of the best waffle ever in Belgium or the most amazing museum they've stepped foot inside.
Sometimes to read a paper they just finished at two in the morning and just wanted to know what I thought.
Breathe...enjoy them while they are here. Laugh, cry,and hold each other. You are the most amazing person they know.

Sadie said...

the fear of spoiling/over-indulging is in me big-time as well, along with conflicted feelings on flexibility vs. easy-way-out(easier in the now, harder in the future).... you get it. For what it's worth, GOOD FOR YOU for working with it.

And you know, I don't think there's much "wrong" with your parenting style that a little sleep wouldn't cure. i appreciate you not wanting to yell(doesn't make anyone feel good or solve anything), yet I don't think you will realize just how sleep-deprived you are and have been for a long time until later.

For now, you are doing a wonderful job. Period. ANd I love reading the blog of an honest mama who puts it all out there.

The Guider said...

Hello, I like to read your blog, your fortitude and honesty are both amazing. I gave you an award on my blog today.

Mama Nabi said...

I found that it's hard being a perfectionist AND a mommy at the same time. I, too, have to learn to let the former go so that I can be a better latter. :-)

caramama said...

This was perfect. So well said. I may have to re-read this post every week. Who am I kidding... every day!

Annagrace said...

It is REALLY hard work. But it's also freeing...

Jamie said...

Perfectionism... I hear you. Alice Domar has a new book out "How to Be Happy without Being Perfect". I'm thinking about getting it -- but I'm not sure when I will read it. But it looks interesting and I loved her "Conquering Infertility" book when I was in the IVF trenches.

Totally off topic...

I was given a Senso coffeemaker -- and it seems like it gets water everywhere and I have a hard time getting it to lock. Have you had any issues with yours?

Julia said...

wow-- this is a lot to accomplish. Especially when it's your kids, and all you want to do is make things perfect for them and to make up for what you think they are missing.
Sounds like you got those coffee machines at just the right time. :)