My inlaws got here yesterday: MIL, FIL, BIL. I just wrote a long post in which I detailed my every complaint about their stay so far, but I deleted it. It was just too petty and lame. Suffice it to say that it's the same old song and dance. They do so many nice things--clothes for the kids, nice things for me--but they are totally disrespectful of my space and how I do things. I'm tired of thinking about it and writing about it. I don't know how to change it, so my mantra is "It's only a weekend, it's only a weekend . . . "
I could really use a tall, decaf, nonfat, no whip, extra-hot, two-pump Peppermint Mocha right about now.
Moi
- Snickollet
- I'm a mother and a widow, and a whole lot of other things. Here, though, I tend to write about parenting, grief, and their intersection.
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19 comments:
My in-laws do things that drive me absolutely crazy. I never think it is worth the fight either. I just bite my tongue (and my lips and the inside of my mouth) and let it go. I think it is easier in the long run.
You know what helps me? I pretend that they are clients that I happen to love. Just creating a bit of distance and objectifying (sp) things helps. They are like clients because you can never really "win" a fight with them without reprecussions or a price. It's not like your own family where there is built in unconditional love.
It's worked...No matter how great or crazy the in laws are...it's hard to live in total harmony but over time you gain a cadence...Also as the twins get older, they will be able to provide a lot of companionship and enriching experiences for them. The kids always seem to be the bridge...that binds us together.
Good Luck...
Alice
Ugh. Hope the time passes quickly.
It's only a weekend, it's only a weekend, it's only a weekend ...
I have similar issues, except with my mother, so it's my fiance who has the in-law issues except it really doesn't bother him. Mom tends to do things like rearrange my dish cupboards so 'things will be in the right place.' On one memorable occasion we came home to find she'd hit critical mass and REARRANGED OUR LIVING ROOM FURNITURE! And then acted hurt that I didn't !!!squee!! over her lovely surprise.
My fiance just laughs it off but this kind of thing makes me gnash my teeth and plan how I'm going to do the same thing to her next time we stay at her house.
So yeah, I feel your pain. I hope that somewhere deep down, they realize what a great D-I-L they have in you for putting up with this kind of thing!
L
I'm selfish - I LOVE to read ranty posts about in-laws. I really enjoy the righteous indignation, and remembering the Episode of the Plants (yeah, I've been lurking for awhile), I know your in-laws are a great source of it.
I'm lucky though - my most heinous in-laws (who were extremely post-worthy back in the day) have either divorced out of the family or moved to California.
breeeeeeaath breeeeeeeath
i have been rereading my old blog and must confess i am a lucky person to have had a very good mother in law (father in law passed before i married hubby) i do miss mother in law however she was nothing like your MIL as my kids were # 17 and #19 in the line of grand children. in fact there were some great grands right after my son was born. Just chant that mantra and hang in there we are thinking of you!
hugs Peach
How long a weekend can be! This too shall pass...
I always pretend I'm playing "The Korean Game". When I'm playing that game, I go by their rules and don't worry about my version of life. It makes it much easier! Though, the one place I can't play that game is first thing in the morning...
Of course, it really helps not to have kids in the mix, cause I think my 'mother lion' might loom past my sweet Korean DIL persona...
I recall reading about your in-laws in the past. I wish I could hand deliver that coffee.
half way done, half way done, half way done.
Perhaps you should take advantage of the live in adorers of the twins and go get a massage or wine with a friend.
Napping is always good too. As a matter of fact, I am contemplating one for myself today.
Good luck. Keep breathing.
It will soon be over, it will soon be over, rinse and repeat.
If I could somehow get the internet to cyberly give you that Latte though the screen. I so would right now. Take deep breaths and know that this is good for the kids.
argh! On the upside, it's half over already... Good luck with Sunday. There's a Starbucks barista out there somewhere warming up for your Monday morning reward :)
An addendum to my previous post...I'm able to keep my distance because I have many friends and outlets to vent to outside the situation. My friend is a therapist and said with in law issues, always go to someone outside of the family network, air your grievances, expressyour pain and frustration. Without the outlet, it's hard to keep going....without accumulating baggage along the way...or huge confrontations...So vent, cry, scream!
Alice
Family should mean free babysitting. Leave the twins with your family. Take a book, and go get that tall, decaf, nonfat, no whip, extra-hot, two-pump Peppermint Mocha. (I totally copied and pasted that. I'm not some crazy stalker who memorizes your starbucks order.)
I hope this weekend passes VERY quickly for you. Thankfully my in-laws don't stay with us ever but when I do see them, it feels like my MIL goes out of her way to allow the kids things that she knows they are not.
L. I SO think you SHOULD redo the furniture set up next time you are there. What a scream!
Mine drive me nuts. I don't do well with them at all. My baby is their first grandchild, though.
They constantly criticize--the ceiling fan was going to fall from the ceiling on the bassinet and hurt my daughter, the bib was going to choke her, the zipper on the sleeper was going to pinch her, the diapers had a baby powder smell and she might be allergic, the formula gave her gas, the pediatrician was too far away and I could go on and on....
I've tried ignoring, I've tried reasoning, I've been rude. Now I just try to avoid them as much as possible. This is not a very mature way to deal with the problem, I know.
We have our "meltdowns" (for lack of a better word) then they start buying things for her to try to get back "in." There are toys, sleepers and a Christmas dress just waiting to be brought over if we will only invite them to visit. Arghhhhh!
I am sure you were much nicer than I am. I hope it is passing quickly.
go get one girl, you deserve it
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