Spent the day in New Hampshire at a wedding reception for the daughter of some good friends of John's. It was a very fun day. The twins had a great time and were the life of the party. After a day of lugging them around, though, I'm pooped.
I was talking to the bride's mother during the reception, and out of nowhere I found myself saying, "John is so sorry he couldn't be here." I mean, I'm sure he is sorry. He would have loved to be there. I don't feel like I got a direct communication from John at that moment, but it wasn't like I had planned to tell her that. It just flew out of my mouth.
I really feel like John sent me that message, although writing that makes me sound like a nutjob. I have wondered if I would feel John's presence at some point, and maybe this was it. It's not what I thought it would be. I thought it would feel more physical; this was more like John had put a thought in my brain. I totally don't know how to describe it.
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Last night, I had dinner with a long-lost grad school colleague. He and I were not close when we were in school, but we reconnected through a long set of boring circumstances, and since he was in town on an interpreting assignment and my dad was visiting (read: available to babysit), we met up for dinner.
It was really fun. He's kind of an odd guy, but very nice, and it was fun to go downtown and eat a fancy meal at a fancy restaurant. It was just the kind of date I have been wanting: good company, great meal, a glass of wine, and no romance at all. That's the kind of dating I could get behind.
Moi
- Snickollet
- I'm a mother and a widow, and a whole lot of other things. Here, though, I tend to write about parenting, grief, and their intersection.
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8 comments:
I always think that there is so much in a person's soul that it must go somewhere. Nothing in the universe just disappears. I believe that people who have left can leave parts of themselves behind.
Very interesting how that just popped out, very interesting. And no doubt the truth. I have to wonder how much of John is in you at this point, guiding you through.
Glad you had a good time at the wedding and the evening out with your old friend. So very important for you to keep living and laughing.
I don't think you sound at all like a nut job. Not even a little bit.
Definitely not a not job.
Not nuts at all. Very reasonable thing to say... also, I am glad you had fun on your non-date date.
hey snick-
thinking of you & the bebes at month seven...
Sounds like you had a good time. I'm with Jen, I agree that people absolutely leave parts of themselves behind.
My Dad pops into my head at random times and he's been gone from the planet for almost 10 years. Just recently he chastised me for almost running out of gas before filling up my tank (one of his pet peeves) I felt his voice in my brain. I know I did.
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