23 July 2007

On My Mind

Last night, I got up with Riley at around 2:30. He just couldn't get comfortable, and while he was not crying, I could hear on the monitor that he was futzing around and was restless. He had cried so hard at dinner that he threw up most of what he ate (poor overtired, sick man), so I thought he might be hungry. I put some milk in a bottle, got him up, and settled down in the glider in the living room.

When I pulled him out of his crib, he still had his frog lovey and his blankie with him. He was not happy about being awake, and clung to me for dear life. We settled into the rocker and he took the bottle easily, snuggling as close to me as he could, holding his frog and blanket, letting me hold the bottle for him. When the bottle was done, I put him up on my shoulder and he sighed. I wrapped his blankie around him and rocked him for a few minutes, stroking his head and his back, telling him I loved him and that I was sorry he was sick.

He didn't fall asleep, but he was very relaxed. I laid him back down in his crib, kissed him, and closed his door. He ended up talking to himself for almost an hour. "A-ba!" he would call out (his version of agua). "Eh-mo!" (his version of Elmo). "Ba ba ba, da ta pa." He was totally happy, mellowed out, hanging around. He finally fell asleep around 3:45. I was wide awake, too, unaccustomed anymore to being up and around in the night. I ended up getting a snack, reading for a while, and listening to the Ri-Man.

I don't miss regular middle-of-the-night feedings, but it was nice to snuggle the man for a while and help him feel better. It was nice, too, to know that I could put him to bed awake and that he'd keep himself company until he was ready to sleep. There were many days when Riley was an infant that I never thought he'd sleep through the night or allow me to put him down in his crib awake without screams of protest.

I miss him (and Maddie, too, of course) so much today. Maddie was such a good companion to me yesterday. I spent a lot of time tending to the sick boy, and she was patient and did a great job of playing by herself when she needed to. She and I got an hour of "girl time" while Riley took an extra nap. I did some cooking while Maddie had some graham crackers and milk at the kitchen table in her clip-on chair. She was excellent company. She played with zucchini slices and narrated the whole experience in Maddie-chatter.

They are good babies. They are my babies. I can't wait to see them in a few hours.

17 comments:

lct said...

So sweet!

Jolene said...

*in teary eyes* I'm sure they are very good babies. Gosh, your story made me wantto hold Maddie and Riley myself right now! I can't imagine having to be away from them all day long when you work. But I know I'll have to do the same thing when it's my turn to be a mommy. Don't worry, Mondays usually go by in a jiffy...don't they? You'll be home in no time with them again.

Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

Sweeties. I get guilty pleasure out of rocking my boys at night when they are sick. I know it's because they're sick, so I'm not worried that it'll set a bad precedent or something, and it never lasts more than a night or two, but it is heavenly rocking them in the darkness, the weight of them, knowing they need me.

halfmama said...

As much as I hate witnessing my kids' discomfort when they are sick, it brings out the sweetest moments. If one twin is sick, the other is so inherently patient. It warms my heart. The healthy one will say, "We have to be quiet. _____ is not feeling well. He/She is sad."

Also, watching the sick one try and grin and bear it, is so sweet, it's almost painful! I just want to make them all better and there they are, trying to smile and be tough.

Love this. I hope you get home to them soon!

Alli said...

How sweet. I just found out that I'm pregnant last week and your story brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait to hold my little one as you described next March. :) Thanks for sharing!

Tiffany said...

It is amazing you are so ready to see them "grow up" ie fall asleep on their own, sleep through the night, walk, talk, etc... But when Mikayla gets sick I kinda enjoy it - I know that sounds awful - but I enjoy the extra love and attention that I get and I really enjoy the fact that I get to mommy her and baby her more and she wants it. They grow up WAY too fast and sometimes I want to hold onto the one year old just a little bit longer.

amy said...

So precious!

Rachel said...

So sweet.

Anonymous said...

Lovely, and it's great to hear that I'm not the only mom who feels this way. My kids are older. When they're sick they put aside their teenage snottiness, call me Mommy again, and just want to be loved. It's hard not to enjoy it.

Sharon

laura said...

Isn't it a warm, warm feeling? I felt the same way last night when MyGirl, who is getting a molar, kept waking up earlier in the night. When she sighed and put her head on my shoulder, I just melted. Same as you, I didn't think I'd ever want to wake up in the middle of the night. It's nice to be the mommy, isn't it?

Hope your day went quickly and your evening was fulfilling with the babes.

Anonymous said...

I remember such a moment in a recent summer, when one of my big guys woke up with a nosebleed. He eventually fell asleep on the sofa with me and I heard the birds wake up at 4 am. They are sweet in sleep, even when they're big. Take photos (B&W) of them asleep. I still do every once in a while and they are among my favorites.

Amy said...

What Sharon said :) When they get older and more independent the nursing gets even more precious.

Hoping you find your get up and go soon (although it would seem to me you do plenty already under the circumstances).

Hoping things at work get better. Or you find a new (well paying) position you love..

OTRgirl said...

Your whole post evoked quiet, velvety middle of the night silent activity. It's such a soothing image, you and Riley together in that moment.

I just caught up with these last two posts. Sorry about your lack of motivation...if I find it, I'll get some out to you right away!

bg's Little Sis said...

Ditto, what a great visual, and wonderful feelings it brought to me of my own experiences...so glad you could relish the moment, some nights I feel so tired when the kids are sick I have to relax and think to find it as opposed to just feeling like UGH, not another all nighter.

Thanks for sharing it in such glorious detail, the sigh, ah, I love the sigh.

kady said...

I have two girls, and neither of them are snugglers, even when they are sick. They look for comfort for a milli-second, then there is always something more interesting that gets them squirming away. *sigh* I would love to have a snuggler.

Kristin said...

That is so precious! I'm going through my first IVF cycle and will find out on Friday if it worked. After reading this post, I want more than ever to experience the kind of love you so eloquently describe.

I just recently found your blog. I think you're an amazing woman.

amber said...

don't know why, but i'm totally tearing up right now. sigh. i guess i'll blame it on hormones, but that last sentence is really threatening to bring on the waterworks.