First off: Yes, my running motivational post did work. I got out there, it felt good, that's going great. I'm on personal fire, eating better, working out more, reading more, taking care of personal projects, feeling centered.
All while my job goes to shit.
Yes, my projects are getting more interesting. For that, I am grateful.
But I am the conduit between two people who want very different things from and for the project I work on. They don't know how to talk to each other, so I have to be their interface. One of them is scatterbrained, domineering, and condescending. Let's call her EE. EE holds a position of extreme power within the company. When I can avoid her, I enjoy my job. She butts heads with my other colleague on my main project, who is organized, driven, and enthusiastic. Let's call her MM. MM is less experienced than EE. MM and I work well together, but we get stonewalled by EE, who opposes anything we do on principle and likes to talk down to us about why our ideas are bad. I get shut out by EE because I tend to agree with MM.
It's so awful, so unprofessional, and so high school. I hate it.
I'll go weeks without having to talk to EE, and I'll think, "Hey, this job is not so bad!" Then all of a sudden I have a run-in with her and it's back to my desk, job searching in my cube, not caring if anyone finds me.
I'd quit, but I feel trapped. I'm unhappy, but I'm well paid, I have health insurance, and I have flex time. I have two kids. I can't just walk off the job with no plan.
There's nothing interesting in my field right now that I can find to apply for. I found something that sounded great . . . 1.5 hours away.
I just don't know how long I can do this. I need to find a way out. Part of me doesn't want to give EE the satisfaction of leaving; I think she'll feel like she won some kind of battle of wills if I go. But I can't make myself miserable on principle. I just want to work with nice people. And get paid well enough to make ends meet. If I like the work, it's a bonus, but I can be OK with being bored among nice folk. That's basically what I do now, with the large exception of EE.
I'd love to be independently wealthy with fabulous health care. If anyone has a line on that gig, let me know.
/end rant/
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23 comments:
Oh, god, I can empathize. I've gone through the same thing in the past (except I wasn't paid well, which made things even worse).
At the moment, I'm lucky that I like my job, but if things change, I would also be rather stuck because of the financial issues of having a 7 month old baby. Like you, I can't just "walk away," which is sobering.
I hope EE either goes to therapy or quits. Quitting would probably be quicker! :-)
Hang in there...
Any possibility of you moving to the west coast to be with your family?
I'm sorry about your work, that really sucks!
No advice here. I don't enjoy my job either. I should be working but instead, I'm reading blogs all day long! :)
Is this just today's weather (i.e., will it pass)? Or is it climate pattern that pervades your office (i.e., a permanent, unlikely-to-change condidition of the environment)?
If you know what I mean.
You could always look for openings in towns close to your family. You also know where I live, and I'm in the process of renovating TJ's room. She has the whole upstairs (master-sized) with her own bathroom and closet. If you found the perfect job here, you and the babies could crash up there and kick TJ into the guest room until you could get a place of your own. I know you'll probably never take me up on it, but the offer is there and I really mean it.
Good luck on the job front. A friend once told me that if there's someone in the job place that you can't stand, just tough it out for 4 years. After that amount of time either they'll have left, or you'll have found something else.
You know, I like it when you talk about your job because your situation seems similar to mine, and no, I don't have any smashing ideas about what to do about it other than winning the lottery, I can just sit here nodding my head in agreement.
It sucks that your husband got sick before he could get life insurance. We have a one-year old and just got approved for $750k to cover my husband's life. It would really suck if he died, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with tough financial decisions.
Snick,
First of all, your post yesterday about running made *ME* go out and run myself! So thank you!
Can you talk to someone in HR at your company? If you have good HR staff, they should be able to help you. If you were to give up and quit in disgust because of EE, then HR would say "you should have come and talked to us!"
I had a similar problem once, but stuck it out and finally was able to move to a different part of my company from my nemesis. The problem is, there is always going to be someone. Let's say you moved to a new job - well, maybe there would be a sexist male pig that you'd have to work with, or a control freak, or a micromanager, or something else. Moving jobs to just get away from this one woman might lead to other problems.
So if it really is just this one person EE that is the problem, but you like your job otherwise, then do whatever you can to fix, live with, ignore, etc. EE and focus on the good points.
I'm sorry you feel trapped. That's an awful feeling. I've been there, too.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Amy who used to live in Medford
I wish you were so fabulously wealthy you didn't even need health insurance.
i can sympathize, minus the well paid part. ;-) i got into project management about 5 months ago. i work with the same people i've worked with in the past, since i didn't change companies. we have a few MMs and a few EEs as well. there are always going to be those people out there that are just difficult to work with. hang in there!
KLynn--While I don't know that I'd ever end up in your neck of the woods, I know you're there for me if I need you. Thank you.
Amy--You are so right that there's always *someone*. I have so much turmoil in my personal life that I really have to think twice about giving up a bunch of known bullshit for unknown bullshit. The unknown could be so much better, but it could also be so much worse.
Ugh. 10:00 meeting tomorrow (Wednesday) will be very telling. EE, MM, and me: head to head to head. "Can't wait."
I'm still looking for one of those money trees to solve my problems....
It's known as major triangulation and there' no way really to function well in that sort of a situation other than to get out of the middle. But that is obviously not always an option. Good luck tomorrow.
Shit, sister, if I had a handle on that kind of gig you and I would be sipping iced coffee while someone made sure the kids weren't running in the streets.
I hope EE wakes up tomorrow as a deaf-mute and is summarily whisked off to some sort of asylum for fucktards. How does that sound?
I hate that you and MM are put in the position of having to deal with EE. People like her make good days seem as though they've been sprinkled with shit.
PS
Move your hiney to VA. We're nice down here. *wide grin*
Man, do I know that feeling. I've butted heads with a very similar person for nine years -- yes, the four year proviso doesn't always work. When things go well, the job is great. When not, well....
Alas for me, the problem has been solved by a forced transfer to a different division. Now I'll probably have a good boss but crappy stuff to do all day. I think I might still choose the bad boss with the good job content...
Even if you changed jobs, there's no guarantee that the new one wouldn't have its own EE. At least what you have is known; however, that doesn't make it easier.
I know how it feels to not be happy at work hope it gets better for you.
Ugh. Why is there always at least one EE in every company?
:( Hope you find a new plan that is more rewarding... with BETTER COWORKERS!
Honey, been there, done that. My mom always used to say, "there's always one." And in every job I've had, I've found that to be right. Try to minimize contact with her and remember why you like your job. And keep looking -- it never hurts.
Good luck with your meeting. Being stuck in the triangle is hard.
I'll second (third?) the idea that you should move to Portland!
Not that we don't have just as many crappy bosses here...but you and I could have twin play dates!
But in seriousness, take your time, look around for the right plan for you. You won't give EE the satisfaction if you find a really, really great job to go to that she knows is better than the one you have now.
Well done on running and eating better. I'm so sorry about EE. I never understand why the supervisors of those people can't see what everyone under them deals with. I guess they are usually good with someone they think is their superior?
I wondered before if you'd move back to Oregon, funny to see others mention it, too.
What the ever-wise Rev.Dr. Mom said.
Maybe EE will quit, or, something.
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