28 March 2007

You Know It's a Bad Appointment with the Oncologist When . . .

1. She uses the word hospice.
2. She suggests that now is the time for me to look into taking an extended leave from work.
3. She says, "I'm so sorry" more times than I could count on one hand.
4. By the end, she's crying too.

(We are going to be consulting with a GI cancer specialist at a different hospital as well as looking into clinical trials. Also, if none of those options bear fruit, GH's oncologist is willing to give him a chemo drug he's been on before that has low liver toxicity. But the bottom line is that we need to be prepared for the worst. GH's oncologist has already consulted with many, many other docs and the chemo she's suggesting was helpful, but GH went off of it because it was no longer working. We'll keep trying and keep hoping, but it was a tough, tough day.)

33 comments:

Lisa said...

I'm sure you are sick of hearing this, but I'm so sorry. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I'll be hoping for a clinical trial or a good result from the old chemo drug. Anything to keep you all in the game. Hugs to all of you.

DoctorMama said...

I wish the news was better. I wish your world didn't have such terrible pain in it.

OTRgirl said...

I don't normally curse but O FUCK!!!!!!!!

That sucks.

I haven't had tons of time to check blogs. I've poked into yours now and then in the insanity of the last couple weeks. I was really worried for you and GH and reading this post felt like a punch in the stomach. I'm sure that's nothing compared to what you're feeling.

Shit.

Rev Dr Mom said...

Hugs and prayers for all of you.

Dorcasina said...

Damn. Damn. Damn. I am stunned, horrified, devastated. In some ways, I am *less* ready than I was in my own case, b/c GH has done so well for so long. Still praying there is a miracle out there, even as I know you have to begin thinking there might not be.

Now I know how awful it is to feel so far away, and to know how ineffective I feel. Sending love, and strength. And cursing the universe that puts us all through this.

I just want to howl "Noooooooooooo"--I bet you do, too.

Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

Oh, that's terrible. Thinking of you and praying for your family.

Rachel said...

I feel like words are inadequate right now, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jeralynn said...

Awhile ago, you mentioned people that said they could not deal with "it." And you pondered what "it" was. "It" is the absolute fact that 100 years from now, 99% of us will not be living. "It" is immortality, which we tell ourselves will happen a thousand years from now.

"It," for most of us, doesn't include someone like you--a you who truly loves your husband, a you who, despite it all, doesn't selfishly run for the hills, but instead seaks a morsel of happiness in every day, a you who who wanted your love for your husband by having his child.

You, quite simply, my dear, are a most incredible woman. You began a personal, private blog to express your poignant feelings. Everyday, Snick, when I curse traffic, a spring allergy, a barking dog, or the fact that during an oil change, no oil was put in the car, truly, I think of you. What do the silly, trivialities of life mean? Nothing, nothing.

Those who say they couldn't do "it" are absolutely right. "It" is you, marvelous you.

Prayers and love,

Jeralynn

luolin said...

I'm swearing too.

I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Crap.

I read your blog and enjoy it a lot and GH sounds wonderful. I hope something works.

BethGo said...

I am so sorry.
You are in my thoughts.

Sarah said...

i am so sorry.

Klynn said...

I was there, with my Dad, when we had that same talk with the oncologist. Just me and Dad and the oncologist.

Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK! does not even begin to cover it.

Love and prayers to you both. Time is precious, beg borrow and steal as much of it as you can.

haitch pee said...

at a loss for words, but wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you and your family.

bg's Little Sis said...

Snick-
I too have so little words that you haven't read here already. Let me know how I can help, you all are in my prayers, thoughts, and well wishes...thinking of you all often.

Much love,
lil'sis

halfmama said...

"4. By the end, she's crying too."

I'm crying here as well. I don't know what I can add except that along with many others here, I'm holding your hand in my mind and hoping that things turn around for you. Quickly.

frostine99 said...

Snick, I have been thinking about you all week. I'm so, so sorry.

Leggy said...

Damn, damn, damn. I am so sorry you are at this place. I wish I had something more to offer than my sympathies.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

You're a stranger to me and I'm a stranger to you but across the miles and cyber space, I just want to say how sorry I am to hear of GH's news. He has to try every treatment possible, for himself, for you, for the twins. Do you have a good support network to help you out? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

No words. Just thoughts and prayers.

Christine said...

All I can say is, I'm so sorry. I am still praying for you. And I will continue to. Fuck fuck fuck.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry; I was hoping for better news for you . I hope you are able to get some time away from work and have as much family time as possible. You are all in my prayers. Jill

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry.

kim said...

Words can't convey how sorry I am. You're in our thoughts - please post if there's anything that we can help with...

Yankee T said...

Oh, no, Snick, nonono! Oh, dear. I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I have seen these posts from Badger and Dorcasina and my hearts broke for them and their kids.
I'm shocked, and I know you must be, too. Please, please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do.

Pantheist Mom said...

This is not the direction I was dreaming up for you. I'm checking your blog every day for updates. You don't know me, but I hope you can somehow feel the vibes I'm sending to you and your GH. Hug your sweet babies for me...

Jen

Marie-Baguette said...

I am so very sorry. I hope that you will get access to new treatments. Thinking of you and your family

ShabbyDoll said...

I'm thinking about you constantly. All my best.

art-sweet said...

What an awful awful thing to have to hear. I don't know you, but I am so angry with the universe on your behalf...

susan said...

Oh, so sorry. Hugs and love for all of you.

Kansasienne said...

Snickollet, I am so sorry to hear the news.... I hope there will be something, somewhere, in the trials or drug changes that will help GH.

Je pense bien fort à vous et à votre famille.

Heather said...

Adding another voice of support for you and your family.

Vix said...

I've been thinking of you, praying for better news and dreading an entry like this since I began reading your blog. I am not going to totally ignore that third impulse and devote every bit of energy into the first two. All of my best wishes and thoughts to the Snickollet family!!!!! XO