Recovering

Disclaimer: I'm still sorting out the template. I don't like the format for the archives, for example. And, more troublesome, there are many blogs I read that don't show up on my "I keep tabs on" list despite being present in the template. Work in progress. Slow progress. On to the real entry.

Today is all about recovery. Yesterday was all of my worries about taking care of the babies alone come to life. Everyone cried. Screamed, really. I couldn't console anyone. One would settle, the other would start. No one took a nap. Everyone was overtired and cranky. I cried right along with them. I felt like a terrible mom, like what I was doing at the moment was wrong and that I'd set bad habits in the babies that were exacerbating the problem.

Our Day
1:00 (yes, AM): First nighttime feeding. As usual, but Maddie takes some walking and soothing to go back to bed.
4:30: I get up again with babies, who have been restless and basically sleepless since going back down after 1:00 feeding. I, too, have been restless and sleepless trying to get the babies to sleep. Babies stay up after this feeding. Bad babies.
6:15: I get GH up to take over for an hour or so before he needs to get ready for work.
7:15: I'm up, GH gets ready.
8:00: Babies eat again.
9:00: It's a miracle! Babies are both napping. I take a shower. I pump. I feel like a rockstar.
9:45: Riley wakes up screaming. Riley screams for two hours. Nothing consoles him. Maddie sleeps through it all.
10:20: At one point, I try to give Riley a bottle (he hates bottles and we try to practice every day). He gums it for about five minutes, then gags on the nipple and throws up. Not a success. He continues to scream.
11:45: Babies eat.
12:30: We go on a walk. I call my mom for some consolation. She is not really any help, which is a surprise. Sigh.
14:00: Babies eat. After, we go to visit GH downtown, where he is getting a five-hour chemo treatment. Babies are seriously fussy during the visit, but calm down with the help of a snack of boob.
16:00: Babies fall asleep in car on the way home from chemo.
16:45: Babies wake up when we get home and commence screaming. Both scream at full volume, the red-and-sweaty-and-tense-and-breathless kind of screaming. Again, nothing consoles them.
17:45: GH arrives home to screaming babies and sobbing, wrecked wife. Just what a man needs after chemo.
18:00: Babies eat; GH sends me to bed for a one-hour nap, during which the babies scream again for another 30 minutes before falling into an exhausted sleep.
19:30: Babies get baths, food, bed. The go down easily, exhausted from screaming.

At 1:00 today, it all started again, although they babies slept better during the second half of the night. Clearly, they were overtired yesterday and needed more naptime than they got. Here's where I feel like I messed up: Madeleine and Riley have almost never napped at home in their crib. We usually take them on a walk or an outing to get them to sleep. If they're home, they will really only sleep during the day in a swing or bouncy seat. I feel like I've created a problem here in that they need to learn to nap in a bed; they are outgrowing the soothing of the swings and vibration and don't know how to sleep anywhere else. Gar.

I'm hoping today will be better. We have two outings today: to visit our daycare this morning and drop off some paperwork and to pick up some bottles from another twin mom in the afternoon. I just hope the babies nap. That's what they really need. Sleep begets more sleep in babies, so if they nap, they might do better at night, too. Keep your fingers crossed.