26 July 2006

Are we crazy?

Twins are sleeping! Must make as many posts as possible! This is the last one for today.

Are GH and I crazy? It's not a rhetorical question. This is why I ask.

GH's family lives in Detroit, a 13 hour drive or two-hour flight from our home in Boston. His parents have been begging us to bring the twins out to see them so that they can see them and we can show them off at the Korean church that is the hub of their community. I'm on maternity leave, of course, and GH is on summer vacation from school, so our schedule is wiiiiiiiide open.

So we're considering driving out to Detroit next week. We'd take two days for the drive, spend a few days with his parents, and spend two days driving back. The advantages are having the space for a ton of baby stuff, having our own car with carseat bases already installed, and knowing that the twins do well in the car. The disadvantages are that it's a long drive, it's a long drive, and it's a long drive.

Part of me is excited about a road trip. Part of me thinks we're nuts. If we go, we'll leave next Tuesday and come back the following Monday, so we'll be gone during Week 6 of the twins life, the week that is reputed to be their crankiest. Maybe traveling then is a really awful idea. Maybe they will be cranky no matter what we do, so why not travel?

Gosh, I just don't know. Thoughts?


OTRgirl said...

It's like Christmas in July to get so many posts! Glad you got a chance to write.

1. You're nuts!! But why not? I'm sure it'll be fine.
2. You seem like you're handling this transition with astonishing grace. All those resentments and fears sound so 'valid'. Sigh. You're right that if you knew you could really lean on your husband this would feel really different. It seems like you can't even lean on him at all cause you don't want to get used to that and then lose it? At least, that's how I'd be functioning, I think.
3. I'm glad that GH's treatments are going well and that overall he's doing great (all things considered). He's already a statistical miracle, right?

weigook saram said...

I don't think you're crazy, but honestly, I wouldn't do it. We traveled with K to see my inlaws when she was six weeks old and it was a nightmare. Can the inlaws come see you instead?

snickollet said...

The inlaws are oddly resistant to coming out here despite our constant encouragement. They really want us to come to Detroit so they can show the babies off. I wish they'd come here, but we just can't seem to convince them.

heather said...

I say this is the best time you are going to get. They still sleep most of the day and night, the car is soothing, and lastly, they don't need entertainment like older babies or toddlers do. At most, the breaks you would need to take would be for feeding, diapering and a little cuddle.

Good luck and congratulations.

Rev Dr Mom said...

At least they are too young to say, "Are we there yet?"

A two day car trip would be exhausting for me anyway, but I don't know that it would be a lot hard than flying with two infants, unless having to stop to feed them would turn it into a three day trip.

soralis said...

One word FLY! If you can make the trip as short as possible, maybe your parents can borrow some extra stuff... I am not sure about the US, but in canada you can take a playpen and carseat for each baby (or a stroller)

Remember you need time to sleep and relax too I would tell them to come out your way if at all possible. You just had 2 babies remember (in case you forgot! lol!)

Personally I would just stay at home!! :)

Julia S. said...

Actually, I think it will be fine. You are giving yourself plenty of time to stop and nurse and newborns love the car anyway. It might actually be relaxing for you. No laundry/dishes/email you could be doing in the car. Just sitting.

It certainly will not get any easier to bring the babies out to them any time soon (like, four years); it is important to his parents; it might suck horribly, sure, but in the long run you will not regret it, I think.

Beret said...

We travel 22 hours west every summer and I will agree with the idea that it's not going to get any easier than this..until they are 4-5 years old. Travelling when our daughter was 1 and 2 years old was very trying. She wanted out of the carseat, she didn't sleep as much, it was hard to keep her entertained, etc. Our son is now 16 months old and we decided to skip the trip this year.

I say go for it. 13 hours isn't *that* bad and the babies are young.

Good luck!

Yankee T said...

I would give this advice: start out, with the caveat that if the first day is murderous, you'll turn around. You should know well into the first day how it's going.

otr sister said...

I would recommend having a portable DVD player or something for you to watch while you're breastfeeding in the parked car (or park or wherever you have stopped for a feeding). Otherwise it gets very boring.

It bugged me that T could go off for a walk and I was stuck in the car. I usually would try and read but I don't know if that is possible with twins.

Anonymous said...

i wouldn't worry about the babies at this age all they need is you. i'd worry about GH, the trip sounds incredibly draining.

Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

Hi there. Please forgive me for posting this here, but I couldn't find an e-mail address on your site. I get lots of Google hits every week, as well as regular e-mails, from moms who are considering, having difficulty, or about to give up breastfeeding their (often preemie) multiples. Perhaps you do as well. My own experience is just one experience, and what we did will not work for everyone, but I’d like to contribute to the information (an type of information) available by starting a “breastfeeding multiples stories” repository on my blog. I would greatly appreciate some help.
Could you possibly: add the permalink to your blogroll (http://allthis.typepad.com/allthis/2006/07/please_help_enc.html) and call it something like “Breastfeeding Multiples Stories”, contribute a story yourself, or perhaps even mention the idea on your site? I think there’s a need and I’d like to use our experiences to help other breastfeeding moms of multiples. Whatever you’re comfortable with would be great.

Thanks much!

About the trip: they're more portable now than they are later in some ways. It sounds exhausting to me, but not crazy, especially if they're good in the car so far. I think a major factor is how well you sleep in the car. Good luck!

Emmie (Better Make It A Double)

Anonymous said...

Hi Snickollet,

I am a lurker who doesn't have a blog. I am also the mother of two sets of twins all under the age of 5. Like you, I have a boy & girl (4 yrs old), and then we adopted identical twin girls. To be honest, I had a very difficult pregnancy, delivery, and recovery period with my son & daughter. It was extremely exhausting and they were so *needy*. When they were 6 weeks old, I could never have imagined traveling with them in a car for 13 hours. However, everyone's experiences are different, and it sounds like you don't have the postpartum depression that I had, and maybe your babies are easier to handle. Also, I can understand in your situation that you may feel pressure to visit your husband's family given his illness and all, they must be eager to see him. If you do go, maybe breaking up the trip will make it more tolerable, and who knows, maybe the ride will soothe them. It's unfortunate though that the in-laws can't come to you guys, considering the young age of the twins and your husband's illness. In any case, best of luck with whatever choice you make, and I'm so sorry for the situation with your husband. My thoughts are with you.


Dorcasina said...

I'm feeling weirdly resentful about the in-laws' reluctance to come to you--how, exactly, is it conceivably harder for them to make the trip than for you?

I'd suggest flying first class, myself.

That said, I know my husband really wanted to do "normal" stuff at various times, and loved car trips. If you LOVE car trips, have lots of good music and snacks, it could be fun...I have to say, it sounds like a hard haul to me.

I have so much I want to say about all your adjustments, fears, etc.--mainly, that I share(d) so many of them, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish none of us did. And that I know you are doing a great job with your babies, and that it is healthy to feel some resentment at all the things and people--regardless of how much you love them!--that have stripped away nearly all of your "you-time" and energy. But my words feel particularly inadequate, lately; hence my general blog silence. Although I am here, lurking, almost daily, and thinking of you 4 constantly.

L said...

Hmmm, sounds like a challenge. However, I have to agree that this is probably a good time to take them since you know they will sleep most of the way.

Also, I agree with otrgirl - you are handling mothering twins very well!