People often ask me if I'm excited for the babies' arrival, or say things like, "You must be getting so excited!" when I tell them when I'm due. I generally glibly reply, "Oh, yes, of course!" without thinking about it much. I'm having twins, for crying out loud. Of course it's exciting!
But at the same time, when I really stop to think about it, excitement isn't necessarily the first thing that I'm feeling. Frankly, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. There is some excitement in there. There's some apprehension. Fear. Joy. But overall what I'm feeling is . . . well . . . nothing. I find it incomprehensible that in two weeks (exactly! from today!) I will be the mother of two tiny babies. I'm sure I'll experience all kinds of intense emotions as I go to the hospital for the c-section, during the surgery, when I see them and hold them for the first time. But for now, I almost don't believe it's happening. It's too much for me to wrap my mind around. When I try to get a sense for how my life it going to change, it seems futile. I don't think I can understand it until it happens.
So yeah, excited in the abstract. I've been waiting a long time for this. The real excitement, though, is yet to come.