Feeling very blase about the fact that today is Valentine's Day. I've never been much of a Valentine's person. I don't like being forced to be romantic. And both GH and I consciously devote a lot of time to making sure the other knows how much s/he is appreciated. Our situation has certainly forced us to have a great deal of respect for each day we get together, but even before the cancer diagnosis, saying "I love you" and being romantic were important elements in keeping our relationship healthy.
There is part of me that feels that due to our situation, I should make a bigger deal out of Valentine's Day. What if this is our last one together? But a much bigger part of me feels like every day is Valentine's Day when I'm with GH. Sappy, huh? Kind of makes you want to gag, huh? But it's really true. I honestly did not know it was possible to love someone as much as I love GH. I am a very independent person. I hate to ask for help. I hate to admit that there are things I can't do by myself. I hate to feel like I need someone else's presence in my life.
But somehow GH managed to get through all that and make me realize how much richer my life can be by letting someone help me and doing things as a team. And now that I have that awareness in my life, I can't bear the thought that this disease I can't control is trying to take it all away. And that, too, is part of the reason I downplay Valentine's Day.
So tonight will be like any other night around our house. GH has radiation this afternoon, followed by an acupuncture appointment. I need to work on a paper for my class. It's trash night. We're having leftovers for dinner. We'll probably feed our Winter Olympics addiction for a while. Because really, these are the days I'm going to miss the most. Just these days where I get to come home and spend my evening with the person I love most in the world, in our home, together, just being.
Happy Valentine's Day, GH. And, coincidentally, happy one-and-a-half-years of being married. You are my one and only.