I actually said the words "Right now, GH is dying" aloud this weekend. To real people. In a restaurant. Not just any restaurant: IHOP. As we ate pancakes.
I was out with friends, catching up after not seeing each other over the holidays and into the new year. They asked about GH's treatment. And, because I'm tired and it's been a rough few weeks, I was really, really honest. Let's face it: he's not getting treatment right now, the cancer is growing, and for all intents and purposes, he's dying.
People have a tendency to assume that because GH is still working, looks and feels pretty well overall, and that we're having twins, he must be "better." He lost his hair for a while, but it came back, so he must be cured. Ha ha! I wish. But no. We never made it clear to people when he was diagnosed that this is a terminal disease, partially because we weren't ready to admit that (and often I'm still not), partially to protect people, and partially because it's just so fucking deomoralzing and we wanted to keep all of our spirits up.
Overall, I don't regret that decision. You never know what might happen, and a part of me continues to believe that there is a way we can beat this. But there are times when I wish that I'd been more clear with people so that when the going is tough and I need to work out feelings on death and dying and loss, people weren't so taken aback.
In better news, we had a great weekend with my mom and stepdad. It was amazingly beautiful weather. We ate lobster, took a long walk, watched football, and my mom and I cooked a lot, which we always enjoy. It was fantastic. Wish I was still doing that instead of being here at work. Only two hours 'til quittin' time. I can probably makke it.