The Results Are In

Appointment yesterday was a mixed bag. Tumor marker results from Tuesday were not available yet, so not sure what they will show. The results from the Tuesday before showed an increase to 5100 from 4900, which is statistically pretty insignificant, and that is promising. If the rate of rise is slowing, the hope is that the treatment is taking effect. We should have Tuesday's number today or tomorrow and are hoping of course for stability or even a drop in numbers. We got down under 2000 for a while and I'd like to get even lower this time.

The oncologist is pleased with how John is tolerating the treatment and even contemplated upping his dose, but then decided to wait through one more round at the current level and reevaluate in the new year. That's fine with us. The oncologist is very genuniely excited for me and GH re: the twins and at this point asks me almost as many questions as she asks him. I don't think oncologists get news like babies on the way very often, especially with patients as advanced as GH is, so it's extra nice for them to get to experience the beginning of a life (two lives!) rather than the end.

I was awake most of the night last night; lots on my mind. First I thought I was sick, but then I realized I was just hungry. Duh. Had a snack, calmed the tummy, then the mind got going. I had myself in knots about daycare. I crunched some numbers yesterday based on an admittedly brief Internet search for prices for various types of daycare options (corporate, home-based, someone coming to our home). I found some affordable options . . . if you only have one kid. I didn't find any options under $2,500/month for two infants. Um, hi. If that's what it's going to cost, I should just quit my job and start clipping coupons, because after taxes (well, and 401k contributions, and paying for health care), I'm not bringing home much more than that. Fuck! We need to really start exploring our options there. We talked about GH taking a year-long leave to look after the babies, but if he should get really, really sick while on leave, he would not be eligible for long-term disability as he would if he got sick while working, and that seems dicey. But I make more money than he does, so having me stay home isn't the best idea either. And in any case, we pay the mortgage with one salary and eat and pay for our cars, etc. with the other. Boston, you are a financial drain!

I'm trying to give myself until the New Year to worry about many of these things; I feel like I need and deserve some down time over the holidays. But it's hard to quiet the mind sometimes. I have a calm weekend ahead, and I'm hoping that helps me get back on track a bit. So glad tomorrow's Friday.