18 October 2005

Watching, Waiting

I'm really trying not to be obsessed with signs that I might be pregnant. But it's so hard! To wit:

1. Sore boobs, specifically nipples.
2. Exhaustion for no good reason.
3. Vague, premenstrual-esque crampiness.
4. Dizziness when going from seated or laying down to standing.

Of course, any of this could be caused by the progesterone. Or any of it could be just random. Who knows! I need to just CHILL THE FUCK OUT until Sunday.

Today I'm obsessed with the fact that I have a kind of sharp, though hardly debilitating, pain in an area that I would consider to be my left ovary. So now I'm convinced that I have an ectopic pregnancy. OK, not convinced, but I fear it. Again, there's nothing I can do right now but wait for Sunday.

My obsessions are fueled by the fact that work is dead boring right now. There's nothing I HAVE to have done, so I've been doing little. Except being obsessed. And sending lots of social e-mail. That's been fun, at least.

Looking forward to a quiet evening at home with GH. He has a CT scan next Monday. Frankly, I'm more nervous for that than I am for the pregnancy test. If the pregnancy test is negative, we try again. If GH's CT scan shows rampant cancer growth, well, that's a trickier matter. Given how well he's been feeling, I fail to think that's the result we'll get. But I don't want to be cavalier.

OK. Working. Yeah, working.

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