08 October 2005

The Beginning

Figuring out what to say first is difficult.

There's no sense in playing catch-up. If I tried to put all the background information in the first post, I'd have to write a novel, and I don't have a novel's worth of time right now. But I suppose that just in case someone stumbles across this blog, I'll at least give the Snickollet Numbered List (tm) version of Big Things on My Mind Right Now That Are Bound to Be Common Blogging Topics:

1. My 32-year-old husband has pancreatic cancer that is considered incurable. He got is diagnosis about 13 months ago, and he's going strong. He's currently on a 1-month break from chemo. I think about how much I love him and how scared I am of losing him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, although, in the ultimate oxymoron, I try not to let his disease run my life.

2. My husband and I are currently undergoing infertility treatments (chemo isn't kind to sperm) in an attempt for my husband to get to know his own child. Of course, we hope that he'll spend years and years and years knowing his own child. But we also, frankly, just hope that he gets to meet said potential child.

Not much of a list, but I'd have to say that cancer and fertility treatments are the two things in my life right now about which I need to sort out my thoughts. That's not to say that I don't have tons of other interests and activities and such. I'll certainly post about goings-on in my life outside of cancer and infertility. But most of the other things in my life--work, orchestra, reading, knitting, cooking, eating, running, etc.--just hum along and sort themselves out without much deep thought from me. And this blog is a place I hope to think "aloud," as I've realized that I just don't get to the pen and paper journal anymore.

So! There you have it. Clearly I need some kind of moniker for my husband as for now, I'm all about anonymity. Henceforth my husband will be known as GH. Those are not his initials, but rather the initials for one of the many names I have for him.

Let the blogging begin. Wait, I guess it's already begun.


Christopher Largen said...

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers. May you find joy in the journey!

cheesemeister said...

I wish you luck with this. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's illness. I hope he far outlives expectations and not only has a child, but gets to see it grow up! Best wishes and all positive thoughts to you and your future offspring.
Big C,
p.s. Just a blogging hint--save yourself the pain of getting callous Spam posts and turn on Word Verification in your settings. I made a post on my blog regarding the death of my friend's son in a motorcycle accident and got some soul-less comment about selling something or other. Spammers can't post if there's word verification. Just hoping I can save someone else similar pain/annoyance.