5:15 a.m.: Riley's up. He wakes me up. He wakes Maddie up. I try to sleep a bit more, but he and Maddie proceed to argue about anything and everything until I give up, give in, get up, and lecture them both about being respectful of people who are sleeping.
6:15 a.m.: I take a shower.
6:30 a.m.: I lecture M&R more.
7 a.m.: Breakfast. More lecturing. I can't stand to listen to myself even as the words come out of my mouth, yet I seem unable to stop myself. The kids excuse themselves and I actually fall asleep with my head on the table.
8:15 a.m.: Riley does something so minor that I can't even recall what it was, but it's enough to cause me to have a Total Parenting Meltdown that includes yelling. I close myself in my room for a bit.
8:30 a.m.: We do some chores, get ready to go to church. I apologize for my behavior and we agree to restart our day. I warn the kids that I'm exhausted and having a hard time today. I think they've already noticed that.
9 a.m.: We head for church. Riley runs around in the sanctuary, nearly knocking over a few elderly members of the congregation. Then it turns out the kids have chosen seats that had been reserved by someone else, so we had to shuffle around a bit to make things work. Not a big deal except on a day when everything felt like a Big Deal to me.
9:30 a.m.: Church turns out to be just what I needed. The sermon is awesome, about Ralph Waldo Emerson and our place in the world and what we learn from loss and about being true to ourselves. I feel more in control of a decision to be positive about things, more open to yes instead of no, etc. etc. etc.
11:15 a.m.: We head out for a few glorious hours of fun. We see Phantom Meanace in 3D, we eat frozen yogurt, we play at a park. This part of the day is truly great.
5 p.m.: I decide to stop for sushi on the way home. Uh-oh: restaurant's closed. We go to Mexican across the street instead where Riley knocks over a display of soda cans at the register ("Riley, please don't touch those. Riley, please keep your hands off the soda cans. Riley, I've asked you twice now to please not touch those cans." [as I study the menu: CRASH! Sigh.]), Maddie spills a huge glass of water and nearly topples our entire table, and both children complain bitterly about the food. I feel myself getting progressively more annoyed.
5:45 p.m.: We get in the car. I've lectured them the whole way from the restaurant to the car about good restaurant behavior (again, cringing the whole time but yet NOT STOPPING.) Once we're in the car, I yell again for good measure.
5:50 p.m.: I have closed myself in my room to blog and calm down.
I suppose if you average the goodness of yesterday with the mix of good and not-so-good from today, we're still ahead, but the bad of today has just been so very bad that I'm having a hard time not letting it drag me down.
Deep breath. Time to go hug and apologize. Time to read some Harry Potter 4. Time to think back on church this morning and the good things I heard there. I don't like to think the lecturing and the yelling are my true self. Time to go be true.
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12 comments:
UGH. I hate days like that. I totally know what you mean about hating the words and the tone as they're coming out of my mouth, but being totally unable to stop.
Hope tomorrow's better.
We seems to have had a twin Sunday - in fact our weekend was like this, children up early moaning crying screaming and fighting from too early in the morning. the entire day was noisy and there was a lot of mama yelling back. I dont understand why children of this age just dont 'get' things like restuarant behaviour and church behaviour when you go over it again and again. I just wished I could have a weekend free of kids but thats not going to happen I just have to hope that we can all be more forgiving and understanding next weekend...good luck!
@Mizasiwa:
I am so with you on not understanding how the kids seem unable to implement expected restaurant/church/other public place behavior when we talk about it all the time, role play, review right before the event, etc. I have decided again and again that they must not be developmentally able to handle it, but I'm surprised that at age 5.5, those situations continue to be really challenging for all of us.
In general, I see the same pattern in myself and the twins over and over again: I have expectations that they seem to understand and agree to; they fail to do so because the expectations are too high (even though they seem reasonable to all of us in the abstract). I need to learn to re-evaluate when the same situations yield the same (poor) results more than two or three times. I mean, really.
May we both have better Sundays next week and good days between now and then.
-snick
I couldn't be held responsible for anything I did on a day when I was woken up at 5:15 a.m. Best you can do on a day like that is give yourself a break, go to bed early and try again the next day.
Sounds like a typical mix in the real world. I'm definitely not my best after an early wake up. Your Saturday sounds wonderful though.
Oh no! I'm so sorry that the day was somewhat overpowered by the bad parts. I hate days like that, too, and hope that your week started out on a better, and hopefully later note!
Another one who really should carry a sock at all times, to pop in my mouth when sheer force of will fails me.
I think the lack of self-control is my true self, but so is the self who knows better and sometimes does better.
Sounds like PMS to me. It always seems to be PMS when I can't seem to control my mouth.
I've read studies that say most people do not fully and completely develop the ability to understand consequences of actions prior to the action until they are in their 20's.
I'm a perpetual lecturer. I bore myself.
I am sorry, but if I told my kids repeatedly not to touch something and they kept doing it, then they would get punished! I do not allow disrespect at my house. If I tell my kids not to do something, I expect them to listen to me. You do not mention reprimanding them at all, just you apologizing... Apologizing to them for what? What did YOU do wrong? Why are YOU apologizing? Give me a break... and please, don't think I am being harsh, heavens no. I just hate seeing parents run around like lunatics chasing kids that are acting horrible, then the parent says "So sorry...I am really sorry" UGH! I hate that! You sound like a great parent and I enjoy reading your blog. I just had to comment on this one because you sound like you are beating yourself up. I have read all the comments and evidently I am the only one that thinks this behavior is ridiculous. And yes, I have kids, and yes, they have misbehaved PLENTY, but, by God, they know that if I tell them to do something they better do it or there will be consequences. I hope this did not sound harsh, that is not my intent at all. I just wish parents would realize it's okay to punish a child that does wrong. I am not my children's friend at this stage in their life. Hear me out. I am their protector, provider, nourisher, caregiver, and educator. When they become old enough to make decisions that will not harm them or hurt others, I will gladly be the parent that they come to for loving words of encouragement and advice. Right now, my job is to teach them right from wrong, respect other people's property and space, and be honorable. Hope you have a better tomorrow.
I just read my own comment, and I sounded like a jack***.. I am sorry. I guess I should have just kept my mouth shut!
Please accept my apology. I would delete my comment if I could, I should have never even said anything. I promise, I am not a jerk in real life. I just appear as one online!!
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