03 October 2011

Upswing

After my latest series of posts in which Everyone Was Out of Sorts, I'm pleased to report that we're all on the upswing.

Maddie is settling into school. It's clearly still tiring for her, both physically and mentally, but she seems more like herself, more settled. She gives positive reports about her days and hasn't asked to bring her lovey to school. She did completely lose her mind on Friday night, falling apart about something tiny and absurd, and she is still seeking control over any and everything in her sphere. But I can see the shift happening, and I'm glad for her (and, selfishly, for me).

My work is evening out. As many kind commenters picked up on and offered suggestions for, the issues at work run deeper than just things being busy right now. Much of the deeper issues are not appropriate blog fodder, but I'm working on them now that I have time to think about something beyond staunching the flow so that no one bleeds out. I think my job is fundamentally good for me, but it's the most difficult job I've ever had and I can find it hard to put the effort into it that it needs. Also, I've learned from this job that management does not come naturally to me, nor does leadership. I'm a slow learner about a lot of things, and those areas seem to be no exception. The growing pains are difficult, and I'm far from hitting my stride, but I want to give it more time. I love many things about my job, and I'm an optimist, an optimist who finally has a few minutes to catch her breath during the work day.

I don't know at what point you say that you're dating someone, but over the past couple of months I have gone out on a number of dates with someone and we plan to keep going out on dates, so maybe we're dating? I don't know. We are certainly enjoying getting to know each other. Past experience would indicate that blogging about dates is often a death knell, so I hesitate to say much, but I'll say this: he is a smart, thoughtful, interesting, and kind person. Being around him makes me feel good about myself and about my life, and it makes me happy. So I'm enjoying that, although we both have busy, complicated lives and so we don't see each other all that much. But when we can, it's nice, and unhurried, and just positive.

In other positive (if totally random) news: Spotify is genius; I've been running more often, faster, and with more enjoyment; I continue to love, love, love my house; I'm not ready for the transition to fall and winter; I'm hoping the recent, more regular blogging settles back into a trend. I don't know that I'll ever have as much need or desire to write as I did during my more intense periods of grief, but I miss the regular practice of writing. May it be so.

And now: gratuitous kid pics! M&R got haircuts over the weekend. Here they are, in all of their five-year-old glory. Riley looks kind of surly, but the notoriously hard-to-photograph Maddie is looking quite sweet and lovely, if I do say so myself.


24 comments:

Claudia said...

Wow, your kids are beautiful. I don't think Riley looks surly, I think he's winking!

Good to hear you're feeling back in the groove on some fronts. Best wishes for continued good stuff.

Meg said...

They look like kids. Not toddlers. Not little kids. They look like pre-pre-teenage-years KIDS.

And, of course, still adorable. Congratulations on getting them to photograph!

Sandy said...

So glad to hear, Snick! Life sure has its ups and downs.

These adorable pictures made me smile!

BiancaW said...

Awesome that you are all feeling better.

I hope it lasts!

PS. (**Very quietly, so no one hears**) Wonderful news on the new-ish "beau".

twingles said...

Your kids are adorable - Maddie looks like a DOLL!

Lyndsay said...

I was about to write the exact same thing - adorable, both of them! And yes - Maddie absolutley looks like a beautiful little doll.

SN said...

That's it. I need to just bite the bullet and come visit you. I can't stand how big they're getting and how much time is passing without you!

Peg said...

Glad to see things are looking up. The pictures of the twins are adorable. Hope the positive attitude continues for the whole house :)

Shadefarm said...

So happy to hear that things are looking up for you. Your kids are adorable!

kimberly/tippytoes said...

Glad to read about the upswing. I didn't read the comments in the last post, so forgive me if this is repetitive. My son is a the same age and while he loves kindergarten, it seemed like he took a step back toward age three. His first week was physically exhausting, but since then, he's melted down over the smallest things, which isn't like him. I ran into his preschool teacher who cited an article and said it often takes until mid-November for kinders to get acclimated and back to normal. It gave me some hope.

Here's hoping that things get back to normal soon.

Betsy said...

your kids are so adorable! Beautiful! Glad to hear the positive notes in this post. You are brave to reveal yourself on this blog. I always learn from your introspective writing. I'm routing for you as a long-time reader!

Denise said...

How freakin' cute are they? Gorgeous kids!

winecat said...

Maddie is a cherub! Love Riley's sly grin.

SO dating, yea.

I too struggled with being management and being a leader. I found it particularly difficult as I always preferred to work on my own.

Aunt P said...

Great pics, Snick! Gorgeous kids, both. Glad to have the pictures.

moonflower said...

I have followed your blog for a long time and am so moved by your writing - you a an excellent writer.

I don't have children either, but I am a good manager - been a VP at a major film studio and still manage projects pretty regularly.

Being a good manager is like riding a horse - do you ride horses? It takes above all believing in what you are doing and that you believe you are doing it well. You have to assume command - no one gives it to you. It also means believing in your team that you put together.

If you can have confidence in them and yourself then it works. And it does not mean no one makes mistakes. It means that you know enough to fix most mistakes AND that no one makes the same mistake twice.

You can do it, I know. It's all about attitude. You still need to be calm and pleasant and kind. Just know you can handle the horse and not get thrown off. And if you do, get right back on and don't take it out on the horse.

cm

moonflower said...

One more thing, can't believe I forgot this -

Delegate fearlessly and deeply. Don't look over the shoulder once you have done that. Just have regular meetings and I mean regular - at least once a week at a regular time whether you think there is something to talk about or not. There will always be something to talk about.

You will see you will have more time and also the distance to see issues clearly. Try it.

Best wishes to you.

colleen said...

Oh Snickollet your kids are just so beautiful! They so remind me of Topsy And Tim and I bet they are just as delightful too. Best Wishes to all of you from the UK.

ALH said...

Wow! Both of those children are so gorgeous! Glad to hear things are on an upswing!

christine said...

They are absolutely beautiful! So happy that things are in an upswing. May everything continue to get better and better.

Mary Ellen said...

I just love those pictures. Glad that work is going better. And good luck keeping up with the blogging - I think writing is
something you are wired to do.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Beautiful... in so many ways. :-)

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grimeysgal said...

I can't believe they're already 5! I haven't checked in on your blog in a bit... it's amazing that they've gotten so big! Absolutely adorable kids! You're a great mama Snick. Keep up the good work parenting these two sweethearts.

erin said...

I have been reading for years...and I cannot believe how beautiful and grown-up the kiddos are. Sweets!!