24 February 2010

Free

I have this folder of stuff that's been sitting on my desk for two months now, labeled "Home Improvement/Maintenance." It's full of receipts for gutter cleaning, contact information for plumbers, maintenance schedules, and contracts, all related to my condo—my former condo—in Massachusetts.

I brought it to work with the intent of putting it all in an envelope and sending it to the new owner of the place. It's taken me forever, obviously, to getting around to doing anything with it. Today, though, I saw it on my desk and couldn't take it anymore. I chucked it on the floor to take to the main office recycling bin on my next trip towards the door. I'm so glad to be rid of that condo, but I've been holding on to a lot of anger and sadness around it, too, much of that emotion misdirected at the guy who bought the place for what feels to me like a song, a deliberate ripoff, an insulting pittance. He was only getting the best deal he could, but it still hurts, and because of that, I have avoided passing along this information that I hold that could be helpful to him.

Today, though, I'm ready to be done. After my initial, symbolic toss to the floor, I ended up reaching back down and retrieving the folder. I put it in an envelope. I addressed it to the new owner. I put a sticky note on the outside of the folder, "Hope you love the condo as much as I did and that you find this information useful." And at lunch, I'll go mail it from the campus mailroom.

And then I will be free, totally free from any tie to that former home. It's about time. I wish that I were quicker to forgive, that I could let go of things faster. I don't know what I was getting from keeping that packet of information, maybe a subtle sense of power? Whatever it was, I don't need it anymore, and for that, I feel a bit lighter.

20 comments:

Sarah said...

Oooh yeah, I totally know what you mean about holding a grudge and doing pointless things to maintain a feeling like I'm the one in control...

I think just letting go is a good first step. You could have "accidentally on purpose" shredded all those documents and no-one would be the wiser, but you didn't. Every time you let go and experience that Light as Air feeling, it's acts as its own reward.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

I have a feeling that as time passes you will feel good for passing the folder along. You didn't have to do it, but you did. The good feeling will eventually outweigh the anger associated with the sale, I think. I'm happy that you are finally free of it.

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Congrats on being free from the condo and for being such a big person by passing on the information. That was very nice of you and you should feel good about yourself. I know how bittersweet it is to sell property that holds a lot of memories and how tough it can be. I got screwed with the price on my parents house too. Now I am just focusing on the happy memories from the house and not the headache it became. Good luck to you in moving on. Glad that you are free!
Dana

amyinbc said...

That was very kind of you and hope it helps you move on..

Nina said...

I'm happy for you. And I totally relate to this sort of mildly irrational yet somehow necessary way of processing difficult things.

Single Parent Dad said...

Good on you.

And that comes from a tosspot who didn't even pass on the alarm code to his old place ;-)

Steph said...

I totally understand your bitterness. Though we all know the market sucks, it still stings when it hits you where you live (ha ha).
We live in a condo, and we've been harboring resentment to new neighbors who bought low and effectively lowered the value of other units. It's so frustrating!

Glad you are free; can't wait for the day when we can be as well!

NanarocksWeen said...

Letting go. I did that with some stuff I'd been keeping too... dumped it last week. It felt good to finally just "LET GO." Good for you, Snick. I'm not sure all my anger is totally gone, but getting rid of that stuff did help.

Keen said...

That was very nice of you, and I'll bet it did feel good--I thought you were going to say you recycled it, or even shredded it.

Myranda said...

You're a better person than I am - I would have ditched it.

comebacknikki said...

You're a much nicer person that I am -- I would have thrown it away months ago. :)

Susan said...

What a very nice thing to do Snick and for someone else and to free you. Congrats to you.

Amelie said...

My dad and his new wife just moved out of the house in which we lived as a family for years, when my mom was still alive. I feel like I haven't even begun to let go... (I moved out years ago so it's not "immediately required" to do anything about it for me...)

OTRgirl said...

I've had things that have stayed on my desk like that. There's something very true about not wanting to act until the emotions are lined up, but then needing to act in order to get the emotions to cooperate. It sounds very symbolic.

Bottom line? I'm really glad you were able to forgive and bless through your actions rather than holding on.

Tam said...

This post could have been titled "Doing the Right Thing." Good karma to you. What goes around comes round. You might think he "ripped you off" or got a great deal but there might be things coming down the road at him you can't even imagine.

No worries. It feels good when you've done the right thing ~ good story to tell your beautiful children, too. A lesson! :) take care.

Sonya said...

Just like the title of your previous post, you did the right thing. It's never easy doing the right thing, but the payoff in the end is worth it. You set the example for everyone around you.

liz said...

Good for you for letting go.

Jen said...

Good for you -- you took the high road, even if the new owner doesn't know it. You are truly free!

Poppy said...

I completely identify with what you did. I held onto something last year that really belonged with someone else but because of my hurt and anger I refused to give it up. Finally I let it go and what a difference that made. I could feel one layer of the anger and hurt rise up off me. My situation involves many, many, many layers of pain, hurt and anger to go, but that was a start. One I'm glad I finally made. It was for me, a first step toward healing.

I hope you find yourself moving forward a little lighter every day :)

Soon, Then said...

Good for you! I love your blog because you show us your whole process; your human-ness.
I love a person who can be where they are at, know where they need to go, and ride it out through the whole thing until they are ready to make change. I don't think there is a better way to live life, really!