30 September 2009

Toddler Grief, Continued

Today, when dropping Maddie off at daycare:

"Mama, do dead people sleep?"
"I think they do, sweetie."
"Do dead people eat?"
"I think they eat their favorite food whenever they want. What do you think Daddy is eating?"
"He did love pizza."
"I miss Daddy."
"Me, too, baby, me too."
"Here, Mama. Here is a kiss for you [kiss] and a kiss for Daddy [kiss] and a hug for you [hug] and a hug for Daddy [hug]!"

And with that, she ran off to play.


June said...

How sweet! No other words are so precious as those spoken by our children in true honesty. I pray your day is going well, and that of M & R.

Jen said...

I love seeing how kids process and figure things out. Thank you for sharing this!

Krys72599 said...

What a beautiful example of Maddie learning to keep Daddy a part of her everyday life.
That's a wonderful gift you're giving her, Snick! Don't ever stop!

Anonymous said...


I enjoy reading your blog. A friend sent me this one and I was so touched by it, I thought you might appreciate it.

Crash Course Widow said...

Oy. Oh, yes. Those oh-so-normal "dead daddy" conversations. Brace yourself, Snick: now that they've started, you never know what you'll get or when or how...or how their little minds come up with some of that stuff! For me, it was a mix of "this is cool"/pride/surreality/dizziness when Anna started doing these same kinds of things a year or two ago...and every now and then, they'd sting super bad too. Grief, widowhood, and parenting of toddlers with dead parents they can't even remember...oy.

Thanks for sharing! =)

Bethany said...

So simple, so sweet :)

Lizard said...

that is a really charming story. I love how little people have ways of making things relate to their worlds that we would never have thought of. Smart little people.

I am glad to see that you already know about the Dougy Center. I was going to post about them, because they are fantastic, but there you are, already knowing all about them. Smart you, too.

Pam said...

Awwww, how sweet.

Anonymous said...

I love how you're giving Maddie the space to explore this even if she doesn't fully understand. It seems that you are laying the groundwork for how she will come to terms with this loss and future losses as she gets older. You just can't skip over these feelings & moments. MIME

Diana said...

WOW, what a sweetie. Warms your heart.

Strawberry_Lamb said...


Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

You have a real sweetheart there.

Anonymous said...

How emotionally mature she is. I guess it is inate to want to connect to our parents living or dead.
when we adopted our daughter from China she was 3.5 years old. She grieved HARD for her caregivers when we were in China. Once we brought her home we used to find her tucked away somewhere with my old cell phone have a conversation in Mandarin ( okay ALL of her conversations were in Mandarin back then) talking to "MAMA" and "ayi"(which means Auntie- what most of the caregivers are called).
It was like a guilty pleasure she wanted to keep from us. Three years later she periodically will say things like " my China mama liked broccoli" still trying to make a connection to her special caregiver.
amanda in atlanta

Angela said...

What a little sweetheart, but it must be so very bittersweet for you. Thank you so much for sharing this moment, it brought a lump to my throat.

So Not Wishy Washy said...

My Buddha is so like this when speaking about my Daddy. They never officially met because my Dad died before I even got pregnant. Just yesterday BUddha and I had a conversation about my Dad - one he initiated. I think kids are so much better at talking about loss, pain, and those we've lost than we adults will ever be.

Yankee, Transferred said...

I'm sending you big hugs.