14 June 2009

Arrived.

Have I already been in Portland a week? I have. Already a week, only a week, it's hard to say which. Both, I suppose. In any case, it's been a week, both long and short.

I've been meaning to post, but I'm playing that mindgame with myself, the one that goes like this:

Me: I could post tonight.
Gamer: Or you could read. Or watch TV. Or eat ice cream. Or eat ice cream while you watch TV, then read in bed.
Me: But there's so much to post about!
Gamer: Yeah, seriously. Where would you even begin? There's way too much to say. Think about it while you eat ice cream.
Me: I should at least post that we've arrived, safe and sound.
Gamer: But then one thing will lead to another and you'll be at the computer posting all night. When you could be reading. Or eating ice cream. Or watching TV! Remember: So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight.
Me: RIGHT. OK, so tomorrow on the posting.

I've learned something about myself since losing my job just over a month ago: I don't do well posting in the evening. I'm a daytime writer and poster, not an evening poster. I used to do most of my posting during the workday, when I needed a quick break in the action or when I was bored or when I was lunching. My days between jobs have been jam-packed with packing, organizing, calling, and logistics. I never needed a break in the action, and thus I never posted.

I start my new job tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous. While I know I have the experience to do this job and while I really enjoyed everyone I met during the interview process, my insecure core is seeding self-doubt. Reed is filled with Really Smart and Talented People, and the search for the position I'm starting was intense. They chose ME. Can I live up to the expectations? Gah, I hope so. We'll see soon enough.

But speculation, schmeculation. Here's what's been accomplished to get us settled in Portland! For starters, we have a house. We will move in over 4th of July weekend. Our house is amazing. It's four blocks from my best friend and will be an easy commute to work. It's roomy yet homey and it has a patio and it's right across the street from the school the twins will attend for PreK–8. The whole story of finding the house is rather amusing and serindipitious, but will be saved for another day.

We also have a nanny. I interviewed five people this past week. What a chore! I do not like giving nanny interviews any more than I like giving job interviews. But we found someone who I think will be good and if she turns out not to be good, we found other people who seemed good as well.

Our POD is on its way. There's another story. The movers (who I tipped, by the way) packed that thing to the gills, so much so that when the POD driver came to pick it up, he said, "DAMN! That one is HEAVY! My chains were creaking, and that doesn't happen but once in a blue moon!" I'll take that as a compliment. The POD should arrive on 18 June, in plenty of time for our holiday weekend move-in.

I miss my Boston friends, but I feel like I'm home. I am home, quite literally for now, which is going fine but I'll be glad when we get into our own space. In a more metaphysical sense, though, this feels right. I feel grounded. I feel calm and centered. Once I'm working instead of playing around, I might lose my balance a bit, but I already have a support system here to right me. We're where we are supposed to be.

I'm making a pledge to myself to post every day from now until . . . who knows, until I fall off the wagon. My writing is getting rusty, my thoughts jumbled. I need to get back in the habit. So look for short things, but things, every day for a while, at least.

Here's something I haven't posted in a while: a photo! After finally getting photos downloaded off my camera (another story . . . ) I have bunches of photos to share. Here's one, a goofy shot of M&R on Easter Sunday:

Both talking, as usual. Maddie is wearing her "clogging shoes." That's her moniker for any shoes that go clip-clop on the wood floors. Riley is probably talking about Curious George.

More tomorrow.

40 comments:

BethanyWD said...

So very exciting! Portland is my hometown (I'm now in Seattle) and I REALLY DO miss it sometimes. Glad you found your way home. PS. You'll do GREAT at your new postion!

Suddenwidow said...

Congratulations on making the big move. Everything sounds great. Good luck tomorrow! I want to thank you for this blog as you've been helping me without even knowing me. I'll try to make the story short. Last fall I stumbled upon your blog. I don't even remember how. I read with sadness your story of losing John, the joys and trials of being a single Mom, the adventures with Mr. Coffee etc. etc.. And I always thought how amazing you were to keep going after such a terrible loss. My husband would sometimes see me reading your blog and would look at me with curiousity, wondering why I was reading something with the title of Mourning and Mothering. I just said that you were amazing and I was interested in your story.

I now believe that I was sent to your site to help prepare me for life after my husband, because he died suddenly of a heart attack on March 20 of this year. Not long after he died, I came back to your blog for inspiration and hope, knowing that it was possible for a Mom and her two children to go on after losing their beloved husband and dad. And through your blog I've found links to others and now I'm writing my own, which is helping me to begin to heal, 3 months into this journey.

So thank you for all you've done for me and for continuing to give me hope. I wish you well in your new adventure!

Debbie

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

You're going to do a great job in your new position. Can't wait to read more. The kids look wonderful!

Meg said...

They're so big! And still cute, of course, but they look like children and not toddlers.

And I'm so glad to hear that you're all safe in Portland. Good luck with the moving-in part in a few weeks!

Katherine said...

The twins are SO grown-up looking--we need more regular photos so it won't be such a shock. I am so delighted to hear that the move has gone well, that you've found not just a house, but a wonderful home, and that you know you're in the right place. I think you're going to rock at this new job--and that's why they picked you over all the other candidates. Don't start doubting yourself now; there's no reason to. Just know that it's all falling into place.

Though I have been widowed a little longer than you have, I am still waiting for the "good thing" karma owes me to balance out the "bad things." (I can't phrase it nearly as eloquently as you did in your blog entry.) But hearing your story has helped me to believe that the good thing I'm waiting for--whatever it is--will be coming. Thanks for giving me hope.

So glad that you made some time to blog. I'd been wondering how the move had been, and had feared somewhat that now that you're back home and getting settled that your need to blog might have ended. And I so want to keep hearing the stories . . .

laura said...

I'm so glad to hear from you again, I was wondering about the move. Hope you can get it worked out so you find the most ideal writing time and can tell us some of these good stories.

mlg said...

I thought I could feel your Aura on this coast! Congrats on getting here, and the house, and the first day of work and the nanny.. whew! So much!

I can't beleive how big the kids look. Yikes! how is it that our kids keep growing and getting older and we just don't?

winecat said...

congratulations on all of you making it across the country in one piece and to now be back home must be wonderful for you. Family and friends nearby to help be the village for Maddy and Riley, what joy!

Of course you'll do well at Reed, it's just first day jitters. I think everyone feels that way when they start a new job. OMG at they going to think they made a mistake, I'll never fit in, etc. It will all be fine.

Just remember to take a breath now and again and that we internets are rooting for all the best for you and the twins.

Jacinda said...

Congratulations! I'm glad you all made it safe and sound. Best of luck on the new job!

Carrie from FoxTwins said...

Congratulations on being home and good luck on your first day at your new school!

Sharon's New Life said...

Good luck with your new job... I've been keeping up with you since seeing a story about your blog on CNN.
I'm so happy you and the twins have made it home again... even if it means we lost you from the East Coast.

tree town gal said...

OK... keep the good and hopeful news comin'... glad you are home. we have all wanted that for you for a very long time...

Christine said...

So thrilled for you, Snick! You ARE where you should be.

Karyn said...

Yeay! Welcome home! Good luck tomorrow; you'll be great at Reed--you're amazing, talented, funny, likable, smart--what's not to love?! Where are you living? Adam and I will be in Portland the night of June 28th-the morning of the 30th. Sounds like a busy time for you, but let us know if you have any time. If not, we're around at least once a year. I know we'll connect soon. Take care and always good to read a post from you!

Pop and Ice said...

Wow! You moved, you got a house, across from the school! a nanny, a new job! Life is just smiling at you from all angles!

Goddess in Progress said...

Welcome home! :-) Glad you made it and things are falling so well into place. Can't wait to hear all of the details. We miss you in the blogosphere (and Boston, too!).

(another) karen said...

So happy for you all!

Can't wait to keep reading your updates.

All the best,
(another) karen

Sadia said...

Amazing! I'm not sure I'd post within a year of moving across the country ... except perhaps as a way of putting off unpacking.

mommo4.5 said...

Wonderful to hear from you!! I've been thinking about you and hoping everything had gone as planned. How exciting to be starting your new job tomorrow. I can totally relate to the "butterflies" and feelings of insecurity. All perfectly normal as you step into the unknown.

I'm enjoying picturing you there in Portland and remembering fondly my short sojourn there. ...and looking forward to those upcoming daily posts.

All the best.

Kerrie said...

You sound really relaxed and positive, so good to hear. M & R are gorgeous, I love your comment about them talking, it's just the done thing with three year olds...they find their voices and never stop. When you get a chance I'd love to hear some their twin conversations.

I'm visiting Portland in October, my sister and her husband live there. She is Australian, him Spanish/American. He grew up between Spain & Portland and now they have settled there. Will be with my Mum, a cousin and my 15 year old daughter. Looking forward to it so much, Portland looks so beautiful, I imagine it will be glorious in Autumn/Fall.

~ Jolene said...

I cannot believe how big and beautiful your babies are! Well, they are not really babies anymore, are they? Welcome to your new home...I wish you and the kids nothing but the best. Good luck in your new position!

JK said...

I am so happy for you! Good luck tomorrow, but I know you'll knock their socks off their little feet.

profanglophilia said...

I remember reading about your thinking maybe you should move back West, but how would that happen, etc. I so wanted you to make the move to get closer to your "home" and family. I'm not even sure why I was so caught up in that, but I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief for you tonight!

Good luck tomorrow! You'll be great!

Megan said...

Welcome to Portland! Glad you made it safely & found a house so quickly. That is great news!

Anonymous said...

Debbie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Snick, so totally thrilled for you. Transitions are always kind of tough, even if it's "just" a new job or "just" a new house -- but all of that, plus new location and the fact you have two little people making the same transitions (and not to mention the obvious part about doing this as a single parent, and grieving) -- well, it's a lot. But it so emphatically sounds like you've done THE RIGHT THING. Congratulations on being at this point! You're going to rock the new job :)

Now, I'll send some condo-selling vibes your way ;)

Best,
Shelley

Annagrace said...

I'm so glad you're here! Now I can also get to know you in real life and our kids can be the friends they were always meant to be.


Oh man...I love how creepy this is going to sound to anyone that doesn't know that I DO know you...

ann ominous said...

Good Luck Snick :-)

You will be great. I think that working with people who are more brilliant and more talented than I has helped me grow SO much in the last year....I hope that you find the same benefit. Although, come to think of it, I'm not sure that they could possibly be more talented than you are :-)

Glad being there feels right.

What A Card said...

Glad to hear your move went well!

Good luck today on your first day...I'm sure you'll do wonderfully :)

It is weird not having you here...you know tonight is book group...

Susan said...

Oh Snick....you sound soooo good. As good as you can through the cyper world of course ;) Good luck tomorrow. Great news on the nanny and cool news on the house. It sounds GREAT. Keep us posted. Your Easter pic of the kids is beautiful. They are getting so big. Can't wait to hear more about Portland since I have never been.

Lyndsay said...

Congratulations!! And good luck today.

Angela said...

Good luck with your job, I know you will do a fantastic job and really Wow them! I'm so glad everything seems to be going so well, congratulations on the new house and finding a nanny, whew, that's a lot for such a short time period.

Amy said...

Welcome (back) to Portland! I am a long time lurker...never commented. I found your blog while I was on maternity leave with my b/g twins (they are now 15 months). You are an inspiration.

Let me know if you need anything. We live in NE.

The Full House MOMS site is a good local resource for twin parents.

Hope your first day went well! Best, Amy

Anonymous said...

Sounds like this was just the path that your life needed to take.

Bravo for you getting through all the trials of baby-hood and toddler-hood pretty much alone, and still standing strong.
Now you can share and enjoy the beautiful young people that your babies have grown to be and live life being happy that you made the best choices for them and yourself.

Shinyung said...

I am so happy for you! Congrats on your move and your new job. It sounds like it was really a great turn of events. Best of luck with everything. Amazing how quickly things can change...

django's mommy said...

Debbie, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

Snick, welcome home. :)

I think Maddie looks a lot like her mama. And I love how big they look!

Selfishly, I am so pleased you'll be posting more. ;)

Anonymous said...

That picture was totally worth the wait. They are so darn cute!

I'm glad that you're home. And will soon be in your own home.

As for your new job, they picked you and they want what you will add to the mix, so don't waste time worrying about living up to some mythical employee.

Best wishes!

Kathleen

Anonymous said...

Debbie, I am so sorry. Best wishes as your walk this path.

Kathleen

erk said...

Maybe you will be shopping in the New Seasons and see Annagrace! Just like I did! SINCE YOU WILL LIVE FOUR BLOCKS AWAY.

OTRgirl said...

Congratulations! Wow, you've accomplished a ton in a month. I'm SO jealous that you have a house. I'm really sick of apartment limbo.

The kids are so big.

Don't worry, you'll turn out to be smarter than you feel right now. I'm looking forward to hearing about your job as it unfolds.

Crash Course Widow said...

Hooray! You've made it! You're here! (And if you have an easy commute to work, it means you live pretty close--relatively speaking--to me...extra bonus!! I'll email you with my phone number, since I know you said you lost your cell a little while back.)

Glad it feels like home to be here. And I hope it's a lasting, strong feeling too. Looking forward to meeting you soon! I'm kidless the whole week in two weeks, from the 28th through the 4th or so. If you're not too busy, it'd be lovely to finally meet you in person!!

Hugs, and welcome "home"! ;o)
Candice