09 January 2009

That Person

At dinner last night, my friend and I talked about our respective That Person. You know, That Person, the person you dated who wasn't even right for you, who might not have even been all that nice a person, who you're probably not even in touch with anymore, who—perhaps even unknowingly—ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it and then kicked it and then spat upon it for good measure. The person who still makes your heart skip a little, tiny beat when you think of him or her, and for whom it would fully stop beating upon actual sight.

For me, That Person is a guy I dated very briefly in college. My self-esteem was not exactly sky-high in college, and I could not believe that this guy—this incredibly intelligent, amazingly good-looking, popular, witty, guy—wanted to date me. Me! Me. I have a thing for The Smart, and Jeff had a huge dose of that, and he was not suffering in The Esoteric, a quality to which I , like so many college women, was inexorably drawn. He had this odd hairstyle that required the use of a miniscule rubber band, the type used by teens on their braces. He gave great backrubs (wink, wink). He would write messages in cereal on cafeteria trays, messages intended for the food service employees, urging them to rise up against their oppressors.

Our story is not very interesting. We dated for a brief bit, I went overseas to study in London, and while I was away, he got back together with his high-school girlfriend. He didn't handle the situation very well, but neither did I.

At first, I was simply sad and hurt and under the impression that I could never find anyone of his caliber who would ever want to date me ever again. Once I found the line for self-esteem and managed to get some, I realized that he wouldn't really have been good for me anyway. He's emotionally distant; I'm emotionally needy. He's not particularly good at compromise; I require give and take and middle ground. He's not a bad person, but he's certainly not the right person for me.

And yet, even knowing that, Jeff haunts me to this day. If his name shows up in my Inbox, I get That Feeling in my stomach. We've stayed in touch over the years, mostly through mutual friends, and increasingly infrequently, but any news of him is like a little treasure. If I were to see him in person, I'd be rendered mute for a few minutes, and then I'd say something stupid.

John was not That Person. I think you can have more than one That Person over the span of your life, but a key element of That Person is that they are not the right person. You want them to be right, you yearn for them to be right, if you could be with them, you would, even knowing that they are wrong and knowing it wouldn't end well. There is an unhealthy element to That Person, and John was, despite his flaws and my own, definitely a healthy choice for me.

Mr. Coffee, however, was That Person all over again. I was knees-weak attracted to him from the moment I saw him sitting in the coffee shop, waiting for me on our first date. You could argue that I was feeling the effects of not having been on a date for a long time, but no, I was the one who was there, and I assure you that it was something else. Mr. Coffee had The Smart. He had The Exotic. He had The Sexy. But he also had The Emotionally Unavailable, The Never in Town, and The Obsessed with Work. And so, much as I wanted him to be right, he was not. And so now he has earned the title of That Person, v2.0.

After a long silence between us, yesterday I sent him an e-mail telling him just that. He's in the throes of looking for a new job, perhaps not in this area, and my Spidey Sense tells me that he's started dating someone else. It doesn't matter. I'm happy to be at a place in my life where I can appreciate the time we spent together, the role he played in my life, the good that was there, and move on. It's tempting to be mad at him for prickishly just disappearing rather than saying goodbye, but I don't feel angry. I feel like I got what I needed from him, and now he's gone. I suspect he feels rather the same.

In some ways, it's good to grow up. I'm glad I didn't spend years of angst figuring out how to recover from the effects of That Person this time around. But if Mr. Coffee's name should show up in my Inbox again, or if I see him walking down the street, or if I find a piece of Swiss chocolate in the back of my cupboard, I know I'm going to get that rush, that contact high, that wistful sense of what was not. That Person never completely goes away.

EDITED: Moments after I posted this, I got an e-mail from Mr. Coffee saying that he has been exploring job opportunities all over the world and has has nothing but that on his mind. I can still feel the lurch in my stomach from seeing his message in my Inbox fifteen minutes ago. He left the door open for us to get together, and it's very tempting. The lure of That Person! It's like crack! But I am saying no because I am strong, wise woman. Sometimes it sucks to grow up.

82 comments:

Food for Thought said...

What a great post. You said what I have thought so many times.

Yummy Mummy said...

It's like you read my mind and then wrote it much more eloquently than I ever could have. We all have "that person" I applaud you for knowing when to let them go. This is and always will be my problem.

Jes said...

You are totally right, we all have That Person. And the reason we can't marry That Person is because you can't be That Person and The One! :) Love this post.

Anonymous said...

I also figured out (luckily early on) that there's a difference b/w Love and Lust... it's important to figure it out as Lust alone will not make for a good life partner. You worded your post way better than I ever could have expressed it myself :)

Katie said...

Wow. i know who "that person" would be for me, what you wrote is scarily true. trouble is I'm not sure I can be as strong as you!

Giovanna Diaries said...

Yep, we all have "that" person. Though I tend to think them old, fat, balding and very unhappy w/o me. :)
Oh Mr. Coffee! or rather Mr. Decaf!

Anne said...

Wow. Great post. Right away I thought of "That Person" and knew exactly what you meant. Good for you for being so wise and perceptive.

Anonymous said...

Wow...I know exactly that you mean but I have never been able to articulate this so clearly and with so much maturity. In fact, I think you just gave me a bit of closure!

Am a very regular reader and poster, but am going anon with this one.

Nancy said...

Funny. My That Person's name is Jeff as well. Well, one of them is ;) And how totally correct you are that That Person is sooooo not the right one for you! Great post - as always, well put.

Anonymous said...

Every now and again, I get a whiff of a scent that is "That Person" for me. It's his mom's laundry detergent (I'm almost positive), but I've never figured out what brand it is. It's fifteen years since we've been together, but I know that scent in an instant. My stomach drops, and it brings me right back to being with him. I've moved on, am happily married, but those moments, when they happen every two years are so, are incredible.

Anonymous said...

OMG, you are so strong. Good for you! I have a "That Person" too and I'm happy that I ended up marrying the "Right Person" instead. But it's nice to dream once in a while, isn't it?

Cheryl Lage said...

This is such an incredibly accurate description of what I think we have all felt at least once....and how it can be readily awakened at just the mention of the name. Wow, Snick. This was just great...loved it.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I so know what you're talking about. My therapist told me that Bad Love is the kind you tend to obsess over. I have a That Person, and I occasionally hit Google to look up said person. I've stopped, though, because it really isn't healthy. Still...memories. Going on the down low too because I am now happily married.

NanarocksWeen said...

Even 60-year-olds like me have a "that person" in their past - even not-so-distant past! And "that person" would never be the RIGHT person. I guess we all know that, even though, sometimes, in our dreams, he is. I have a great husband, and I love him dearly. He was never "that" person. But he's THIS person - the right one for me.
My life partner. I loved your post as well... have to admit, I've been wondering about the status of your "Mr. Coffee." You know, maybe you'll get lucky and the next "that" person WILL be the right person for you. Wouldn't that be oh-so-cool!

KLS said...

I could definitely do without my That Person.

And boo on Mr. Coffee for not ending it like an adult or at the very least communicating what was going on with him.

Penny said...

I have two That Persons. I know where one is on the 'net and I go check his website (he's In A Band) every once in a while, then delete all my cookies so I don't have to explain to my husband who he is. I would have done ANYTHING for him. Quit my job, moved cities, you name it. SO unhealthy!

Bethany said...

I think this is the best post I have ever had the pleasure to read! How eloquent you are!

Congratulations on being the strong, wise woman you are and knowing when to let go.

Grekrs said...

Aaaah, "That" person. Stay the hell away from "That" person. Bad news. Ant person that envokes that wide range of extreme emotions on a regular basis is bad, Bad, BAD.

Mel said...

Yikes, Snick... you definitely hit a nerve with a lot of women. I think almost everyone has this experience in her background. You articulate it so well.

My situation is a bit different. I was with That Person years ago, and things ended badly. Moved onto other jobs (we'd worked together) and married other people... we completely lost touch but I always thought of him as the "one who got away."

Then September 11, 2001 happened. The tragedy of that day woke me up and made me realize I'd been sleepwalking through my life... I thought I was married to Mr. Right, but I was totally wrong. Sept. 11 forced me to admit how unhappy I was, and worse, I suddenly realized that I could die tomorrow and I'd never feel that way again, the way That Person had made me feel years earlier. I got in touch with him and told him so. He felt the same way and we knew we had to be together, even if it was difficult. But we never should have let each other go.

We're married now and our son is almost four. I'm so lucky because not only am I with the best lover I ever had (as That Person tends to be :-), he's also proven himself to be an incredible husband and father. I don't know how the hell I would have survived that heart surgery without him... the darkest days of my life.

So, I guess, every now and then, That Person is indeed The One... it was for me, but of course, that's not usually the case.

beyond said...

(AHA! so mr. coffee is swiss?)
very interesting about what you say about 'that person'. i certainly have one. he's not the one i married, my husband is 'just' the one.

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Yes, you are a strong wise woman! I think we all have a THAT person whether we are male or female. Well, everyone except *MY* husband!

Anonymous said...

Boy, did you nail it with this post. And obviously I'm not the only one who thinks you put into words what so many of us feel.

My That Person is from college too, and I was shocked when he started popping up in my dreams when I was pregnant with my first child. He has appeared in dreams occasionally since then, and on the very few occasions I've heard from him in the last 10 years my hands get sweaty and my heart pounds.

But like you and many of the others here, I married the right man, the one who is healthy and loving and available.

That doesn't mean I don't occasionally wonder if That Person ever thinks about me, though...

Rachel said...

Everything you said is so wise and true.

And yeah, I have a couple of those too. Like you, I am a sucker for intelligence. And the unavailability just makes them that much more exciting.

This post reminded me a bit of Evening by Susan Minot.

Anonymous said...

You are so wise. It gets very complicated when you are also their "That Person" as is the case in my situation. I realized this many years ago when he came home on leave and tried to convince me to leave my husband and bring my two small children with us to a foreign country. (Crazy!) Thank goodness I resisted, but he did not marry for 20 years and wrote and called least twice a year. We dated in high school. He finally married at age 44 and we exchange Christmas cards but I very wisely avoid from ever being in any town alone whenever he is, just to be safe.

Kim said...

I thought it was like that with Mr coffee. I am attracted to that type too and recognised it with you. Good for you for ending it. Thing is - those guys often have a nice side too and can be very sensitive so its difficult to see the other side to it when you are caught up in it cos all you want to see is their nice side and potential - to keep the addiction going. There"s so much of an inner need involved that its tough. Anyway good for you and better luck next time.

Michele (Moosh) said...

Email.

My friend, you have such a way with words. Truly.

Swistle said...

I'm so glad you mentioned that part about an essential element being the wanting it to be right. I was looking for old high school classmates on Facebook and feeling like Those People were righter than they were.

Watercolor said...

Being a grown up indeed sucks sometimes.

Ali said...

I recently found That Person on facebook. The thing is, as I am happily married, I have been looking for him over the years. Not very hard mind you, just occasionally I would do a search. His family moved away after High school to florida. We talked on the phone for a while but we were young and states were in our way. Our lives went on. But after being together for 3 yrs you get to know someone very well. When I found him on FB my heart lept out of my body. I told my husband about it just so I wouldn't get in trouble. But now that we have had contact, I feel better about it all. Although I think if he sent me a message I would click on it with anticipation. Sorry I am rambling. Great post and oh so true!

AmberP said...

Ugh.... THAT PERSON! I am going through that right now... and talk about it all too often on my blog. Stay strong!! I love that post.

Snickollet said...

Beyond--

Actually, he's *not* Swiss, but he travels to Geneva all the time for work and always returns home laden with chocolate. I guess there's no reason not to let the cat out of the bag now and just tell y'all that Mr. Coffee is Moroccan. Anyone call it?

-snick

Crash Course Widow said...

"Sometimes it sucks to have to grow up." Had to laugh at that one. =)

Yup, you're totally right (which you, of course, knew already =)) with this post.

I have my own That Person. And in smaller doses, Those Persons Who Never Were In The First Place. The hopeless, hapless crushes I had in college but never could work up the nerve to do anything about. I just heard one of them got married recently. Darn. A small (very, very minuscule) part of my widow brain holds out the tiniest bit of fantasy hopes for those people (because I suck at contemporary, casual "dating"). And if I ran into That Person? I just might have to jump him and ask questions later. ;o)

Good for you for coming to some resolution with Mr. Coffee. Though, dang...wouldn't the easy sex have been nice to still get?? Curses. ;o)

Hope you're enjoying your week as an unmommy.

Hugs,
Candice

mlg said...

omg snick. I have had a that person in my life for short periods of time, but never a that person that will have a long term lasting that person affect on me. Interesting. It that a statement about the people I have had in my life or my emotional ability to hold onto (or not hold onto) "that person" feelings once they are out of the picture.

Shit, now something new to process.

Never would have guessed Moroccan. It is a beautiful country though. Yummy Food. big adventures.

Cali said...

So unbelievable to read your post which rang so true for me too but especially these last months. I have been toying with the idea of someway to make contact and I am not totally sure why. Maybe so he can see what he missed. He devastated my heart yet he was the one to come back but by then I had become strong and had just gotten engaged to a man who treated me right. But now when I am down or lonely I feel like contact with "that person" would somehow make me feel better.

So nice to know that others share the "that person" saga.

I wish you find the person who can give you what you need.

I appreciate your blog so much and check everyday but only occasionally comment.

Anonymous said...

I ran into "That Person" this past summer in a grocery store while in our hometown for a visit. Heart palpitations, sweaty palms, butterflies, etc.

After years of wondering what it would be like to see him again, when it does happen I am in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops with chipped toenail polish. He of course looked great, and introduced me to the wife. Argh! Couldn't have been a day when I was dressed nice.

(And like another commentator, I am happily married the the "the one", but have dirty dreams about "That Person" when pregnant.)

Michelle H.

Mommy, Esq. said...

The Person for me turned out to be gay. Doesn't make it any easier though.

Heather said...

I had my relationship with That Person back in college. Like you, I had to be the strong one to say "This will never work long term," and it sucked. I still dream about him occasionally, but I also still know there is no way things could ever work between us. Conveniently, we have no overlapping friends anymore, and I never have to hear about him or vice versa. I can't imagine what would have happened if I'd found him on FB, though. Yikes!

juliebplusthree said...

First time poster, long time lurker!

I just had to add that I have dreams about "That Person" while pregnant, too, like a couple of people wrote. Weird! Guess it's all those crazy pregnancy hormones...

Mel said...

I have had a few of those, the 1st 'my person' contacted me on Facebook the other day. I was 15 when he broke my heart and 22 years later, I just can't be light about it. Wasn't sure what to do so ignored it. I have had a few of those as an adult and the break up is way easier isn't it!

Ginevra said...

Pfff. If he has had nothing but job-hunting on his mind, then he is obviously not worthy of you. You should be in his thoughts *some*where. :-) It sucks that he is not The One v2.0 instead of That Person v2.0, but it does feel good to recognize that, I imagine. And remember--when you do find someone who is right for you (even if not The One v2.0), you will be glad you were free and ready for him and didn't waste any more time pining after Mr. Unavailable Coffee. Great post. You rock.

Love you,
J

Rev Dr Mom said...

What a wise and insightful post! And reading it certainly brought back memories of the the guys who were "That Person" in my life--and yes, there were more than one. Sigh.

And the romantic in me just sighed when I saw that Mr. Coffee had emailed you back...but I know you're probably right about him. And at least is not a total jerk, which is what That Person in my life turned out to be--again more than once.

txmomx6 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
txmomx6 said...

Wow. Great post. It gives me a ray of hope, even though I'm nowhere near ready to date .... I can see there is hope.
Thank you.
Janine

jfoo said...

I have always felt very secretly guilty about the exsistance of "that person" in the back of my mind. I didn't realize that others were inflicted with such an "itch?"

I almost feel relieved after reading the post and comments....actually I do feel lighter knowing that what I thought of as my darkest secret....How can I think of someone or memories of someone else when I have such a much better, great, loving, beautiful person sharing my life now?

You do what is best for you and your kids....x

RB said...

OMG. You read my mind.

kathleen999 said...

Good for you. Sometimes you just choose not to go back into the crazy. And that is a very good thing.

He sounded like a vacation, but not a place to be at home. Still, vacations serve their purposes. Glad you got to experience the fun of it.

Mel said...

What an incredibly insightful post. So true.

Thank you for sharing.

I can still picture mine...

kj said...

I love this post!
I too have a "that person" that still makes my heart jump if I see or hear his name. My husband would FLIP if he read this.
Don't know why I feel this way because he stomped all over my heart many, many times.

Roads said...

Sorry about the break-up, Snick. It's for the best, but it still hurts. Everyone feels vulnerable when the relationship goes dodgy, but dashing those ill-fated hopes is especially hard for a widowed person.

'Going back to being single' is about much more than being single, it's about taking away the hope of a quick fix to being a family again.

It's incredibly hard to explain just how awfully hard that really is to experience, except to say that if you've ever been there, you know. And I do.

So good on yer, chick. We live, learn and move on -- and not necessarily always in that order.

Shosh said...

I've been reading your blog for a long time and this is one of my favorite posts. The message is so true, your writing is amazing, and I love the funny little parts (Spidey Sense - LOL!)

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only adult woman, with children now and far past the dating scene, who still gets that butterflies at the sight of a former fling. :)

seachange said...

It appears you have reached a level of self awareness that will help you in your journey to finding the right person for you.

I absolutley love this post and the way you presented your thoughts & emotions.

I've been reading your blog for some time- this post moved me to comment.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

Oh praise God! I didn't know other people had "that person". I thought I was the only one who went through that. I like how you compare them to crack. You're so right! Good for you for resisting. I know how hard that is.

Becky said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I only ever go for guys who are unavailable, emotionally or otherwise. And you're right; it is exactly like a drug.

Anita said...

Brilliant post!! Yes I too have 'That Person'. I have two, my ex husband and a guy I went to school with who is attached. Both these two are in no way right for me, yet they give me those teenage crush feelings. Go figure....

Hope you are now holding your two little monkeys in your arms!! Enjoy!

Manda said...

I read constantly, but I don't comment a lot... Had to stop by this one though. You put words around a feeling that every woman knows. If That Person told you he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, you'd drop everything you ever thought of loving and run away with him in an instant. Definitely unhealthy, but so very exciting at the same time. Consider this a raised glass to all the strength it takes for all of us to stay away from That Person. It's not always easy, is it?

PFunk said...

Welcome home. Great post, though I have to say that I have limited experience, having only one real relationship before I married (so old fashioned!)
I hope your break from the kids is all you need it to be...

amber said...

wow. such a great post. everything you talk about with That Person is so true. we definitely all have one. i'm sorry mr. coffee is that for you, but happy that you have figured it out and are happy with where you are right now.

shmo said...

Oh, man! I had Mr. Coffee on a completely different continent! I was WAY off! ; )

s_ivan said...

The flip side: we are probably 'that one' ourselves for other past relationships.

Anonymous said...

What is it with the magnetic pull of those guys that are awful for us? It's been decades for me with one of them, and I swear I'd be tempted to follow him anywhere in the world if I heard from him today.

Anonymous said...

One of my "That Guy" is now a teacher at my daughter's high school and she most likely will have him in the next year or two. Ugghh! Darn small towns!

jbondsgirl said...

Isn't it weird how The Smart, The Exotic and The Sexy almost always goes along with The Emotionally Unvailable, The Never In Town or (in my case) The Family That Won't Let It Be? Don't get me wrong, Sarge is my That Person, v. Original. But there was this one guy, the only other guy I think I've truly loved, he was from Kenya, and when you talk about That Person, he's the guy I think of. I'm way over him now but there were many years when just the scent of a very specific cologne could make me freeze. Memory is powerful stuff. Like crack, indeed! I totally get it.

xo
Flicka

Anonymous said...

i notice no one has commented on Mel's incredible story. i love it!

Pam said...

Ahhhh yes, I remember That Person. Actually there have been several. One I chased after for YEARS!!! before I finally gave up. He stomped on me time after time, told other people things I had confided in him, but I just could not help myself. I still think about him, but totally not even remotely close to being the right person for me. Great post. Good for you for being strong.
Pam

Anonymous said...

SO FUNNY--I could have written Anonymous's 17:29 post about her "that person's" laundry detergent. Maybe their moms used the same detergent, or maybe they are...the same man?

Angela said...

Excellent post. So thoughtful and insightful about your own needs and wants. I want to be you when I grow up!

Susan said...

Great post Snick. So much thought. I think your making a healthy decision on Mr. Coffee. If it is meant to be, it will come back around :) Are your kiddies home? Have a good week.

Katia / Crazy for trying said...

I've had two versions of That Person in my life. My husband is not one of them, luckily. I'm so glad I married a Not That Person because the emotional stability that comes along with the hubs is much better then the rollercoaster emotions that came with That Person v1 & v2.

Paula said...

Snick,
After 25 years, I'm back with "that person" and I'm having a blast! In HS I thought he was too "needy". We have been dating for 5 months, and it's fantastic! I wish I had married him instead ....lol

Christie said...

I read you every day too, but rarely post. But this post was so spot-on that I had to say something. For some reason, I've been thinking a lot about my "that person" lately. My husband and I have been having problems - maybe that is why. I had a good dream about him a few weeks ago - one with a happy ending (if you know what I mean) so he'd definitely on my thoughts. We have completely lost touch, but I can still remember how he smelled, how it felt to be in his arms, and the butterflies that he always gave me. Maybe its because I don't get the butterflies anymore that has made me think so much about it - I don't know. BUt thanks for posting this so I can feel better about myself - some days I worry its unhealthy to think about past loves.

Erin said...

Mr. Coffee sounds very self centered to me - and from all the descriptions you have written of him always has. His excuses for not communicating are sad...pathetic... selfish. I'm glad you had fun, but am equally glad to see that you have figured out that he is not the one. THE person, not THAT person is still out there for you and in time you will find each other.

Best,

Erin

Anonymous said...

I relate so well to this post. I still Google my That Person sometimes even though I am (mostly) happily married to someone who is really different and much better suited for me.

Missy said...

It's delurking day and I've been reading for a couple of months now.
So I am formally introducing myself...
I am really enjoying the blog :)

moo said...

Yes. Yes to everything in this post.

And ... I've long believed that there are certain people who come into your life ... you are supposed to learn something from them and they from you. And when that lesson is learned, you both drift away again.

Anonymous said...

It must be fate that I found your blog today, because I am not doing so well today (or heck, make that the last two decades), and your post really helped me.

Thank you very much for putting things in prospective and for generating all the wonderful comments with your post.

I have been struggling with the choice of the "right one" vs. "the one" for all 11 years of my marriage.

Ultimately though, just like I told my "the one" 2 weeks ago when we happened to be in the same country (which, lucky for everyone, only happens once or twice a year, and even then, only for a very short time), I would never trade my solid marriage with the “I-am-high-from-happiness,-oh-no,-wait,-I-am-having-a-nervous-breakdown-because-he-is-leaving-me-and/or-out-to-look-for-new-thrills-(again)” kind of a relationship that I had with him.

I miss being high though. Terribly miss it.

And just to show what an awful person I really am, I also resent the fact that just by being with me, my husband gets his high’s all the time.

What I do get from husband though is that someone is there to kiss me good night – every single night. So I need to be happy and stop wishing for more. I guess.

Shinyung said...

It's obvious that you are at a great place emotionally -- that you are so secure in yourself and know what you want. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

Totally off the subject...
It kind of is annoying me that Mr. Coffee is using these sites as a sort of booty call. (No offense and nothing wrong with a boot call)

I guess I view them as a place someone can go to start a relationship. He just seemed to keep you at arms length (and the others you mentioned) from the start.

Bad Man. Bad Man. Hope his chocolate melts all over his underpants.

But yeah for him bringing you to this new place.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. and 'on'ya' for putting on the big girl panties with Mr Coffee, sucky as it is!
The comments have also amazed me and made me feel less alone. I've felt so guilty about my cyber-stalking. Of course, I've never found evidence of my "That Guy" - a man like that could never leave himself open to all the women he screwed over in his single days. I have however stumbled across his now wife, who he chose over me at the time (one of those "classic" love triangles?). I've considered contacting her in order to offer my apologies for almost stuffing things up (they were seeing each other, she had to go back home because of visa issues, he and I hooked up in the meantime, but things between them were still up in the air), but have always dismissed the idea because it would be more for me than her if I did do it. I am quite sure I am the last person in the world that she would ever want to hear from again, and rightly so. Also, I'm not sure my apologies could be that sincere. Because, despite the pain and literally years of anguish it has caused me, I still can't hand on heart say that I regret it happened. I wish I could go back and do lots of things differently - not allow him to walk all over me the way he did, insist on him breaking it off with her properly before anything more happened with us, all that. But I still wouldn't not have had the experience. And I know that if I were to see him again, I would probably do anything to spend another night with him. Pathetic woman that I am.

Jennifer said...

I ran into my That Person last year. After having been royally pissed at him for most of a decade, I somehow managed to pull the encounter off beautifully...and then angsted about wanting to get back together with him for the rest of the weekend until someone yelled at me for being stupid. Point taken.

It is unfortunate that Those People affect you the most when you've been utterly single for years and there are no prospects, because you can easily go into "It's him or no one" mode. Ugh.

-GRC said...

This puts so well into words my feelings on my "That person." I know he was wrong, wrong, wrong and even now that would be the case, but still--he was so much fun and such a rush.

-GRC said...

--and it is kind of a relief to know I am not alone in thinking about That Person after so many years have passed. He is on Facebook but also my husband and he graduated in the same class, so I see him at the reunions. I guess I was too hasty in my original post. I enjoy your blog and wish you all the best.

Beret said...

I have been happily married to my "The One" for almost 10 years with 2 beautiful kids to show for it. And still, if I hear about my "That Person" through friends or see him on Facebook I still get that rush. It's natural, I think. :)