This post is not off to a good start. That is the most boring title for a post ever. Maybe I should have called it Date # 11: Boring! Plus Not Much Else to Say! but that would have given it all away.
For the record, I'm writing this post while sitting at my desk wearing my pajamas, the same pajamas I put on at around 9:00 p.m. last night before crawling into bed with In 10,000 Pages the Harry Potter Series Will Finally Be Over (or whatever HP #7 is really called, and which, for some reason, I have not yet read). That I would wear the same pajamas two nights in a row is of absolutely no note whatsoever; the noteworthy item is that the pajamas have been on my body since 9:00 p.m. last night. Yes, I spent all day in my pajamas, and it was awesome. Maddie and Riley wore their PJs all day, too, until bath time. Our day included brunch with friends (preplanned to take place in pajamas for all), and a trip to Trader Joe's (no one blinks an eye if toddlers are out in pajamas, and, as an adult in a very cold clime, I can just throw a Sleeping Bag Coat over whatever I'm wearing and no one is the wiser). I'm thinking that, if at all possible, every Sunday should be a Pajamas All Day kind of day.
But this post is not supposed to be about pajamas! It's supposed to be about Mr. Coffee.
We had Date #11 over a week ago, on a random Thursday, exactly one week after Thanksgiving, to be precise. We had dinner near his house, then went back to his place and had a nice talk and it was fine but kind of boring and he spent A LOT of time talking about how stressed out he is at work and how he's looking for another job and blah blah blah. That's fine; I don't mind listening to him vent about work. Listening is key part of any relationship. I did my own venting, too, as this was merely two days after we had big layoffs, and he was good about hearing me out and being appropriately sympathetic. We also had some very vague semblance of a relationship talk in which we both spoke in major generalities about how nice it can be to have a meaningful relationship in your life but how it takes a long time to build that kind of bond. Eh. The whole thing just felt . . . flat. It was a perfectly nice evening, but kind of blah.
Our only contact since then has been one e-mail exchange in which I said, "Hey, ho, I'm around but I've got some holiday plans so let me know if you want to try to get together," and he replied, "Hey, ho, I'm swamped with real work and work holiday obligations and I'd love to see you but I'm just really, really busy, so, who knows?" I replied and said, "Well, then, let me know if you want to get together, good luck with all the work stuff, call if you want to talk anything through or whatever."
His message could mean many things, from exactly what it says to, "I'm too busy screwing Lufthansa* flight attendants to talk to you." I chose to take it at face value, let him know that I was around, and see what happens. The ball is in his court. He can call if he wants, or not if he doesn't want.
If he does not call, I will be a bit sad but not brokenhearted by a long shot. Mr. Coffee has been exactly what I've needed in my life: sexy, exciting, casual, a breath of fresh air. It's starting to seem that we're not meant to go the distance, although us continuing to see each other is not off the table. I'll be a little annoyed and quite surprised if he just fades away rather than having the balls to at least call and say, "This isn't working for me anymore," but I'm also not going to waste my time fretting about it if that's how it plays out, and I don't feel a need to read him a riot act or get some kind of explanation or anything from him.
And who knows? He might call. Frankly, I think he will; it's just a matter of if he calls to say hello or goodbye. If he says hello? There are lots of things about our relationship that work great for me. It's not a demand on my time (of which I have little), it's fun (although somewhat less so lately), and it's a grown-up diversion. Ultimately, I would like to find someone interested in getting married, being a parent to Maddie and Riley, and working on the whole family dynamic. Mr. Coffee has always been completely up front with me that it takes him a long time to build real emotional connections, so I think if he's interested in us continuing to see each other, it's up to me to decide if I want to be patient and see where things go. I'm not sure I have the time to see if things get real.
Lordy, this whole post is as boring as the title! Upshot: things are the same as they've always been, and I'm OK with it. Sure, we could have "The Talk." But for whatever reason, I don't feel a need to force that. Will things fizzle out? Straggle along? Take a dramatic turn for the serious? Who knows! I'm so focused on making it through the holidays in one piece that I've devoted little brainspace to the whole dating thing, and, honestly, I think it's the same for Mr. Coffee. Stay tuned to see if we reconnect in 2009! The suspense it killing you all, I'm sure.
*No, not a clue to his nationality.