Among the many things that I have not blogged about is Date #10 with Mr. Coffee, a sleepover at his place last Friday. The truth is that my general lethargy is not the only reason I've put off writing about it. Here's the thing: it wasn't a very fun date, it's left me with a lot of questions. I haven't been sure how to write about it because I haven't decided how I feel about it. What I decided today is that perhaps writing about it will help me figure out how I feel.*
It's no secret from the Internets that I had a tough week emotionally last week. Mr. Coffee had an equally tough week but his stress was work-related rather than personal. The manifestations for both of us were similar: neither of us had been sleeping or eating well, and we both felt totally depleted, physically and emotionally. I was really looking forward to our date as a time to recharge. I knew I'd get a good meal, a good night's sleep, and some TLC. I know Mr. Coffee was looking forward to the evening, too, and I think it was for the same reasons.
The problem with this plan was that we both needed a lot and neither of us has much of anything to give. I wanted to be loved and taken care of; so did he. We both needed that, but neither of us could provide it. We ended up eating a lame dinner, talking about all of the stressful things that had happened to us during the week, feeling stressed out by talking about the stressful things, snapping at each other, and falling asleep on the couch at 8:30. Along the way, I was annoyed by the fact that he suddenly couldn't remember if I like white wine or red, felt a need to tell me a story about the flight attendant who hit on him on his last business trip, and lectured me about how I need to get better at controlling my emotions. Bah.
This is being in a relationship. It's not all fun and pampering. It's just unfortunate that Mr. Coffee and I both had such bad weeks at the same time. We've since talked on the phone, and that was nice; while we didn't specifically talk about Unlucky #10, it felt good to reconnect when we were both in a better place (although I'm still stressed about the holidays and he's still struggling with work). It's tough when we don't get to see each other very much as we only experience segments of each others' lives. Up to this point, I feel like we've worked on enjoying the time we spend together and not letting the Negative Life Crap intrude. It's been nice, but it's not reality. Now we have to figure out how to deal with the bad along with the good. As we struggle to do this, it becomes clear that because we haven't spent all that much time together, we don't know yet how to support one another.
We'll see what happens after Thanksgiving. I asked Mr. Coffee if he could take me, Maddie, and Riley to the airport on Thanksgiving day, and he can't as he has his girls in the morning. It felt like a big step to ask him to do that, and he was very sweet about it, and he offered to pick us up, but we don't come back until work hours on Monday. I was glad he was willing to be there for me even if it didn't end up working out. We'll try to see each other during the week next week once Maddie, Riley, and I are home. I hope we're both less stressed then, or if not, that were better able to help each other deal with the stress in our lives.
I think all relationships hit this point, the point where you realize that partnerships require work and effort. Not everything about life is pretty. Once you let someone in, you're eventually going to get to the ugly stuff, and then you have to figure out if you can handle it. If you can handle it, you have to make sure the way you handle it works for the other person in the relationship. Mr. Coffee and I are starting to let each other in. I have a feeling we can both take it, but I need someone who can jump in with both feet and be really present both physically and emotionally. I'm not sure he can do that, given the pressures he has from work and his family. We'll see where things are headed in the next few weeks. There's nothing like a little Relationship Drama during the holidays, right? Right.
*Which leads me to an interesting point of discussion: Do I process things before, during, or after I blog? It's a combination of the three, but the truth of the matter is that I don't tend to blog about something until I've given it a lot of thought, planned the structure of the post out in my head, and come to an initial conclusion about my feelings. Oh, sure, during the writing, I will often find myself in uncharted waters, surprised by the turn things have taken; posts sound one way in my head and another way entirely on screen. Julia over at I Won't Fear Love has a thought-provoking post up on the subject of why and how one writes, so I've got this on the brain. She, too, in her post discusses a difficult event that she has struggled to find words to explain. I guess it's going around.