09 September 2008

So, about the kissing . . .

Based on how Date #1 had gone and the subsequent phone conversations and e-mails, it had crossed my mind that kissing could be a feature of Date #2. 

I wasn't sure how I felt about this. On one hand, woo! Kissing! On the other hand the last person I had kissed was my husband. The notion of the first post-John kiss was fraught with symbolic meaning about moving on, forging ahead, and creating a new happiness for myself. I felt like I should take things very, very slowly and make sure that the first kiss was perfect: with just the right person under just the right circumstances. I even prepared a little speech in my head to deliver to Mr. Coffee lest he try to kiss me. It went something like this:
I really like you and I would really like to kiss you but I don't want to rush into anything because the last person that I kissed was my late husband and I didn't think I'd ever be kissing anyone else ever again and I'm still getting used to this dating idea and I just feel like I need to make sure that I'm really, really ready and that you're really, really the right person and that it's really, really what I want and that you understand that it's going to bring up a lot  of emotional stuff for me and that you're OK with that.
Talk about a mood killer! Jeepers. And not only that, but talk about setting myself up for failure/disappointment!

Thankfully, I came to my senses and realized that I need not turn a potential kiss into a Big Fucking Deal. It had become clear to me over the past few weeks that at some point, I was going to kiss a guy who was not my husband. Yes, it felt odd and yes it brought up a lot of emotions for me, but it was going to happen, and once it did, I could figure out how it made me feel and deal with it from there.

There was no sense in trying to make it Perfect. Instead, I focused on the first part of my little speech: I really like you and I would really like to kiss you. All right then! What more could I ask for?

So off to my date I went. And it was lovely and romantic and when we sat down on a bench overlooking the river, I knew The Moment had come. Did I like him? Yes. Did I want to kiss him? Yes. Was I nervous? HELL YES.

And then he kissed me, and this is what I thought: OMG, KISSING IS AWESOME.

It didn't feel weird. It didn't feel sad or bittersweet or any of the other things I had worried it might. It just felt right. And awesome.

*****************************
There are plenty of other things to share about the date. Like the fact that I had to have my babysitter (a 20-something, level-headed, grad-school bound woman) help me choose my outfit. (Me: "Is this shirt sexy, or slutty? I just can't tell anymore.") Like the fact that Maddie, Riley, and I had Family Pedicure Time in the afternoon in preparation. Like the fact that Mr. Coffe and I traded crazy African driving stories. That he clearly thinks the sun rises and sets for his daughters. That the sleeves on his shirt were too long, which made him look like a little kid. That he's actually a little shy. That we never ran out of things to say. That we're good on sharing ice cream: chocolate and mint, baby.

That his final question for me was, "When can I see you again?" and that my answer was, "As soon as possible."

80 comments:

p. said...

Honestly can't remember if I've posted or not before but I've been reading along for two months or so and currently have the biggest smile on my face for you after reading this post. What a wonderful evening ... I am so impressed by your insights and thoughts and so happy for you that you let yourself just be in the moment Sunday evening. A good lesson for all of us ... or at least me. Your post reminds me of something I read somewhere lately ... make sure the reasons why don't get too overwhelmed by the reasons why not. It seems like you have this balance. And I love the idea of Family Pedicure Time. p.

Jen said...

So happy for you!!! I am smiling out loud :)

twangy said...

Oh my! I haven't commented before either but could not let this go by without saying how cheered I am by this post. I can't believe Mr Coffee has crazy African driving stories to tell too. It's some kind of magic, that.

Jenn said...

Yeah! How awesome.

Anonymous said...

I'm SOL (Smiling Out Loud) too. I think you are doing things in an honest and grounded way.

YEAH!

Alice

Anne K. said...

So many times I've read your posts with tears in my eyes. It's nice to have them be happy tears.

Seriously, do you have any fucking idea how THRILLED all of your friends on the Internets are that you are having some decent fun in your life?!!! Yay, Snick!!!

katia / crazy for trying said...

oh, those First Kisses are always so magical -- glad to hear this one was perfect. Hope the follow-up kisses are just as special!

Cari said...

Eeeee! I'm so excited for you. :)

Wordgirl said...

Hi,

I'm delurking here -- I read faithfully but am shy to comment - -but I have to say I had goosebumps when I read this post.

I too -- am smiling for you.

Pam

My name is Andy. said...

sounds lovely!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My heart is soaring right now for you and with you.

I am so purely happy for you!

Watercolor said...

I miss kissing......

Sounds like a great date. :)

amber said...

i've totally got tears in my eyes right now i'm so happy for you. :)

so great. just so great!

bg's Little Sis said...

Do my version of the HAPPY DANCE FOR YOU! WOOHOO Snick, glad it went well:)

Lots of love,
lil'sis

Rachel said...

So happy for you! That's awesome.

bold said...

I know this is going to sound trite and maybe even condescending, but the truth is, moving on is one way to honor John.

When my best friend died, her husband said to me "She taught me how to love."

When he called me a couple of years later to tell me he'd met someone he was falling for, and that he felt bad about it, I told him "She taught you to love. She wouldn't want you not to do it again."

Part of you will always love John, will always be John's. But I know (without ever having known John) that he wouldn't want you to stop living just because he had to.

Enjoy.

Arina said...

another delurker here... to say I'm so happy to "read" you smiling!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Was smiling as I read through this. So happy for you.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog since just before John died, and I want you to know that I am so happy for you. I think you have worked so hard to reach this point of feeling good again, and whatever happens with Mr. Coffee I think will be right and you will be OK.

Sadie said...

You've made my day! Seriously, thank you--- I think you've erased some of the Sarah Palin smoldering in my brain with ice cream/kissing/Charles River/pedicure/kind/ wonderful man loveliness.

Lyndsay said...

....sigh....

sounds dreamy!

Anne said...

Snick, I am SO happy for you. Your last line gave me goosebumps. To be happy, to sleep well, to enjoy every moment with your kids and anyone else who comes your way - it's all we could ever wish for you. Cheering you on and wishing you more fabulous kissing!

comebacknikki said...

That's awesome! I'm so happy for you! :)

Anna said...

How lovely! I am so happy for you. Your post brought a tear to my eye! :)

Kris said...

how wonderful!!

heather said...

Smiles all around...
Yay for you! I'm truly glad you are so enjoying yourself. You deserve it!

Kathryn said...

Happy happy hugs

Arwen said...

I'm SO happy for you! You deserve this so much!

Silver said...

It is nice that you are enjoying yourself. You so deserve it!

allie o said...

Reading this gave me butterfiles! Hope you have them and enjoy every single one!
You deserve it!

Giovanna Diaries said...

Way to go! I so out of it....is kissing considered 1st base?
Wooohoo!

Jordan said...

I'm delurking. And I'm about to cry happy tears at my desk for you. That is so awesome!

Jordan

moo said...

I can't tell if it's pregnancy hormones or not ... but I'm sitting here, weeping for you. With joy in my heart.

Yes, kissing is awesome. Feeling worthwhile as an adult and as a woman is awesome too. I am so, so happy for you!

Ginevra said...

OMG this is making me SO HAPPY. Count me as one of your many ecstatic readers. I'm so excited about this big new step you are making in your life. I agree with the person who said this is a way of honoring John. All you have to do is imagine what you would want for him if the situation were reversed. You wouldn't want him to sit around and be sad and lonely for the rest of his life. And I'm 100% sure he is happy for you. A happy Snick is a happy mama, too. I foresee great benefits to everyone. And, you know, we are all so excited for you that maybe we are getting ahead of ourselves, so perhaps Mr. Coffee won't be your next Mr. Right, but IMHO this experience will all be worth it just to get you back in touch with your sexy side. If Mr. Coffee isn't Mr. Right, you'll find Mr. Right elsewhere, having been warmed up by Mr. Coffee. No pun intended.

xo, J
P.S. I am impressed that you even have a shirt that might be construed as slutty. Way to go.

Lori said...

I think you're happy for all the reasons you mentioned. It's reallly quite wonderful and I am so very happy that you're happy = )

Mandy said...

I feel like a teenager again sharing gossip about a date with my girlfriends! I am sooo happy for you!

LauraC said...

Another someone saying WOO HOO!!

zenoma said...

Eeek! This has been such a guilty pleasure to read. I find myself with a silly school-girl grin then quickly looking around to see if anyone is watching me.

But I can't get enough. Thank you for sharing. You totally deserve this. I can't wait for more.

suz said...

I love it! So happy for you!

Mandy said...

I've never commented before, but YES!!!! This post made me so happy for you, I'm grinning to myself at work!

Lexie said...

Wooh! Hoo!

Ain't "new love/relationships" fun?

I'm right there with ya. And so happy for you.

Carol said...

Ah Snick, this is just so ... well, so wonderful.

I'm happy for you. I like the SOL (Smiling out loud). That's me too.

Legally Brunette said...

Everyone has already said what I would say so I'll just leave you with a...

yay yay yay yay! Go Snick!

Olivia said...

yay!! i haven't commented in a long while, but i've kept reading. i'm so happy for you!! :)

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Yay! This made my day! Here's to many more wonderful moments!

Gandalf's Sisters said...

I am so very happy for you...I too am delurking in order to tell you. YEAH!!!!

I started reading your blog because of the CNN story and went all the back to the beginning.

You are such an inspiration! I love hearing about the kids and I LOL at some of things you write and I also cry at loud too. You make me want to be a better person for the ones I love.

Wonderful things are due your way and I can't wait for you to experience them! Thanks for sharing with us all!

Betty M said...

Glad it is going so well with Mr Coffee.

Nancy said...

oh, your giddiness is catchy...I was actually giggling while reading your post :)

sappho said...

I'm so delighted for you Snick! Was grinning like mad by the end of your post. Yippee!

Sandy said...

Wow, that made my heart sing. You are so articulate.

Annie said...

One more YAY ! for you. Kissing is awesome. I am a native of Mass, and kissing is so awesome, I now live in Arizona with my kissee (I kissed him!)
All the best to you, have fun, don't think too much, and wear the slutty shirt next time !

tousquireste said...

I squealed out loud: kissing IS awesome! I'm so, so happy for you.

Kerrie said...

Oh...more divine...

That moment between when you know it's going to happen and when it does happen is exquisite.

I love that you are all silly and teenagerish again, that someone had to help you choose your outfit, that he is a little bit shy but ESPECIALLY that you want to see him again as soon as possible.

S_ivan said...

I definitely preferred the longer version of the kissing post to the shorter one - thanks!

Also - Mr. Coffee better appreciate how totally fantastic you are and how lucky he is to have your attention!

He's lucky, also, to be blissfully ignorant of your huge fanclub that wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the shins if he winds up hurting you... (I'm just sayin'....)

That said - enjoy - I'm so happy for you!

CA said...

OH.MY.GOD. squeeee! The romance is killing me! Thanks for being willing to share...we are all so happy for you!!! :)

Heather said...

SqueeeeeeeEEEeeeeee!

That is all.

Anonymous said...

I am 6 months out from the death of my bueatiful husband and your post has given me some colour on the future. That is what HE would want however much the idea of anthers kiss makes me just want HIM more at the moment.

You go girl!

Vacant Uterus said...

Oh, yay!

Gwen said...

Yay for kissing. Kissing IS awesome! :)

mlg said...

OMG, KISSING IS AWESOME

I love that.

you are awesome. yeah you.

Astrogirl426 said...

Oh, yay! I am among the many happy readers living vicariously through your posts :).

This guy sounds very nice. I hope he knows that he has a huge fan base here among your readers (the flip side being that if he treats you anything less than stellarly - so a word - we're gonna hunt him down and hurt him :) After all, you're our girl!).

Yay again!

Lizard said...

you are brining happy sweet tears to my eyes.

I love how beautifully you worked through the speech-- which was a great way to deal with some of the emotions-- and then tossed it. Your therapist will likely be very very proud of you. You did good.

and the kiss..... how sweet.

and the sharing of ice cream..... how very very nice. someone who will share ice cream, and chooses the right flavors for said sharing.... very very nice.

it's all just so good. so so good.

Pantheist Mom said...

Well. You've just made my day. What a great thing.

I love your honesty and openness. I would love to have you as a close friend...you're an awesome chick.

Anonymous said...

Another lurker with not much more to say than YAY!!!!!!!

Ali said...

I am the same way, don't comment much but just had too! I was telling my husband all about you at dinner tonight because I just love your blog and want to thank you for sharing this new joy of yours with us. I am so thrilled that you have found happiness in this.

lindsey said...

This post made my day. :)

JK said...

I am thrilled for you.

Kind of random question, does he know about the blog?

Sylvie said...

Yay Snick!

Whitney said...

oh my kazooooo! How fun and sweet and innocent and wonderful and perfect and real and vulnerable and absolutely spectacular.

yayyyyyyy!

Diane said...

I met a man once who was saving the first kiss after his divorce. He had the "Kiss Speech" written in his head for those first dates with a few different women. I got that kiss on our second date. I liked the man and the kisses so much that I stayed around for more. We've been together seven years now and those married kisses are just as good.

Crash Course Widow said...

Had to laugh at this one, Snick. =) Typical of widowhood, isn't it? You get all worked up and nervous, stressed, etc. about something you think is going to be awful, and then it turns out not to be a big deal. (Or turns out to be fantastically fun even!) 'Course, there are always those kamikaze times where you don't think something will be a problem and then it sidelines you, so go figure. ;)

It helped me a lot that my first (and only) kiss(es) in widowhood were from a guy I knew for years. It wasn't nearly so freaky contemplating kissing him as kissing a stranger; he was a friend of Charley's too, so I imagine we both had a few weird rumbly feelings in advance of our first real date. But in the end it was all fun and a very entertaining blast while it lasted.

It's great being reminded how great kissing is, isn't it? =) Here's to hoping the next date(s??) go equally as smashingly!

ALH said...

What a gift you are giving yourself and your children by seeking out happiness and letting it happen. Grief can leave us bereft and lost for years, and just by giving a "new start" (even the concept of Mr. Coffee is a new start!) a chance, you're doing your family a great favor. I've been reading your blog for a while, and your story gives me real hope.

Mar said...

Wow -this is just so exciting. I'm so happy for these bright days you're having!! Have more!

Christine said...

As McDreamy said, I'm all about the kissing. More kissing, I say. Good for you! I'm sure John, wherever he is, is happy for you too.

Denise said...

I'm so happy that things are going well. I've heard that people who were happily married are fairly quick to get happily re-coupled again. They have the knack for being content with another person. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself.

Jane said...

Tears and goosebumps, here, too.

I find reading your blog so inspiring. You provide such an incredible example of how even when awful, terrible, life-changing things happen, it IS possible to heal and move on and find happiness again, even if the pain never disappears completely.

Keen said...

What an awesome post. I was so nervous for you, precisely because of all the symbolic meaning and it being a Big Fucking Deal.

I'm so glad it just felt good.

And anyone who can talk about crazy African drivers sounds like a very good conversation partner.

Amy said...

"When can I see you again?" and that my answer was, "As soon as possible."

Wow.. I haven't dated in 20 years. How refreshing to see how the relationship is unfolding. So grown up and HONEST.

So darn happy for you..

Violet said...

So very happy for you. You deserve the best.

Violet

Nina said...

So...firstly, I've pretty much withdrawn from all blogs in the past few months and so I had no idea what was going on in all my bloggy friends lives and now I'm just reading about all this wonderfulness in your life and of course I had to go back to where I left off and I should really end this sentence at some point. Hm.

Anyway, I'm so happy for you. :)