15 September 2008

Date #4a: Rescheduled; Plus: Maddie Is a Big Girl!

Nothing to fear, things continue to go well with Mr. Coffee. As promised, he called me as soon as he dropped his daughters off with their mom on Sunday late afternoon. I called him back once Maddie and Riley were in bed, by which point he was home, exhausted, and clearly sounding under the weather. So we just chatted on the phone for a while and made some plans for this Friday. I have a busy week (book club tonight, my mom arriving on Wednesday, Cirque du Soliel tickets on Thursday . . . ) so I must now bide my time until Friday. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Anticipation heightens the pleasure? Whatever. Friday seems REALLY FREAKING FAR AWAY. I know, I know. My life is so hard. Gear up your tiny violins and play me a symphony.

The Friday night plans look gooooooooood, though. I'm going to his house, he's cooking me dinner, my mom will be with the kids so I can stay as long as I want . . . I suspect that the Date #4b update will not be boring  like this one. 

So, about talking on the phone. Mr. Coffee, he is a phone talker. He is not a writer. Me, I am a writer. I am not a phone talker. In fact, if the friend that set me up with John had not warned him just how bad I am on the phone, I'm not sure we would ever have gone out on our first date. To me, the phone exists for logistical purposes. It's great for confirming meeting times, letting someone know you're running late, making dinner reservations, those kinds of things. Just for talking? I don't know. I like to talk to my mom and dad on the phone, and I can tolerate talking to my best friend and my sister-in-law. There are a few other people who I feel OK about chatting with, but most of them are folks I've known for years. The concept of getting to know someone over the phone just seems strange. Is it just me or do other people feel that way?

That said, I'm trying. Between his work and kids and my work and kids and the fact that we are not exactly next-door neighbors, Mr. Coffee and I have to work pretty hard to get the face-to-face meetings to happen. So we've been talking on the phone for 30 minutes or so almost every night. I'm starting to see the merits. It's nice to talk to a grown-up about my day. And Mr. Coffee is a really interesting guy and I like to learn more about him. So it's not all bad, but it's a little outside my comfort zone. I'd prefer a little more e-mail and a little less phone. So far the compromise is that I e-mail and he calls, i.e., we're each responsible for initiating our preferred mode of communication. Thus far, it works.

You all had many helpful things to say to me about birth control. I knew you would. I actually talked to my doctor today, and between your comments and her input, I'm going to give the Mirena a try. Just in case, you know, you care about my birth control choice.

Yesterday, Maddie got up from her nap and said, "Maddie make a wee-wee on the big girl potty."

OK! Fine by me! I stripped her pants and diaper off and put her on the potty. Mind you, this has happened many, many times before. The usual pattern is that she sits on the potty, looks around, talks about peeing, sings a song or two, gets bored, and gets off without making the wee-wee. No biggie, and I expected more of the same yesterday.

Well, did she ever surprise me. She not only peed on the potty, but proceeded to go diaper free for the rest of the afternoon and pee and poop on the potty until bedtime, when I diapered her. This morning, she was wet when she got up, but she peed on the potty as soon as I got her out of her crib, then again when we got to daycare. Go, Maddie! She's so freakin' proud of herself.

I guess I need to get her some underwear. I've been the most unmotivated potty-training parent alive.

Riley, on the other hand, is happy to rock the diaper and act as Chief Sanitation Engineer (aka Toiler Flusher). Teamwork.


Pam said...

I don't think you are the most unmotivated potty training parent-that would be me. Ha ha. No seriously, I am. My son will be 3 in January and I am just SO.LAZY. In my defense, I don't think he's really ready, but I could be doing much more.
I am glad things are going so well for you! Can't wait to hear about your next date.

MT said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months now. You seem like a very strong woman in light of all you have been through. You have such strength. Good luck with the dating and Mr. Coffee it is so nice to read about your dates and great to see you can move forward. Good luck with it all !

Anne said...

Hooray for Maddie! Can't wait to hear about date #4b and the excitement that goes along with it...

Anonymous said...

Good choice of contraception! It really is great to know you have protection where you need it most(ok just use a condom as well)!
Enjoy Mr Coffee!He sounds Hot..
and Go Maddy Go!!!

From The South African connection

Giovanna Diaries said...

Yep, I swear, if I weren't straight and married, we'd be almost soul mates.
I hate talking on the phone too. I actually start getting snippy and annoyed with whoever is keeping me on the darn thing.
I'm soooo the emailer too!
See ya tonight kiddo.
And yay for Mads!
And is date #4...could that possibly be a sleepover?

Ali said...

WTG to Maddie! Here is a great tip I got. Get the thick training underpants. They hold a lot more pee and work well for beginners. Then you can get princess pants for motivation! The thick ones will work great for Reily. Can't wait to hear about the next date!

Katherine said...

It's not just you. I don't like talking on the phone either. I have a cell phone, but only in case my kids need me. I am surprised by how much time my friends spend with their cell phones glued to their ears. I'm a big talker in person and have no idea where my dis-ease using the phone comes from. I HATE having to call people I don't know or don't know well. I am always thrilled to find I can contact someone by email, which works much better for me.

I will be looking forward to your next entry, about Friday night, and will live vicariously through your relationship with Mr. Coffee!

Snickollet said...


A sleepover on Friday? Surely you jest. What do you think I am, some kind of common slut :)?


C. said...

Same here with the writing and the phone. I am a writer and prefer email, IM and text over phone calls. Maybe because work involves the phone all day, i dont know.

Thanks to you, I too am going to try the Mirena thingy and see how it goes.

Single Parent Dad said...

Just found your blog via comments left on another, can't actually remember which. My blog reader has exploded recently.

I'm a widower with a son, so can relate to your situation.

Interesting stuff so far, and I'm with you on the phone. Although I do tend to have a habit of making phone calls for a chat from the car, but I guess that is because I find driving so boring.

Anyway, looking forward to reading more.

Keep up the good work, and good luck with Mr Coffee

Jennifer said...

First time venturing out of lurkdom to talk tell you about my deal with the phone.
I've been seeing someone for well over a year - we have full time jobs and six kids between us. Weeknights are for preparing for the next day, not socializing. Dammit.
Anyway, over time I have come to look as forward to those calls as I do any other part of my eveing routine. Most of the time they're your basic 30 minute how was your day what's going on conversation. But sometimes, we pop open a beer with each other and have a couple hour marathon. It makes looking forward to the weekend all that more exciting.

We do the email thing too. But that's normally just a couple lines or a papragraph two or three times throughout the day from work.

I'm excited for you! You deserve it. And you're giving the rest of us hope.


ann ominous said...

when we potty trained my sister (i was 12 she was somewhere close to two) we made up a song to twinkle twinkle little star's tune....

tinkle tinkle in my potty
i wont wet and be naughty
diaper rash is not for me
i will sit and i will WEE
tinkle tinkle in my potty
i wont wet and be naughty...

i think now i might find a new word rather than 'naughty' to rhyme with potty... if there is one!

congrats to big girl maddie!

Cris said...

I hate the phone too...feel EXACTLY the same way you do about it. I have no desire to speak to someone on the phone that I could easily speak to in person (barring my husband and mother). God bless email!

Watercolor said...

Friday will be wonderful!

tousquireste said...

Congrats! On all counts!!

Astrogirl426 said...

Ok, so first, you are light years ahead of me. Do you know how old Bunker Monkey was when he finally got potty trained? FOUR AND A HALF. That's right, baby. We tried many times from the age of 2, but he just wasn't going to do it unless he was ready. Then, after all that agita, he was potty trained over one weekend (much like Maddie, once he's ready he just does it), although #2 took a few weeks longer (but that's standard for boys, I understand).

Also - it's not a sleepover, and you're not a slut, as long as you go home before sunrise ;)

Ad finally - I take it, from your dislike of the phone, that you might not have discovered the joys of phone sex? Might just be what the doctor ordered for those long days when you don't get to see Mr. Coffee.

Mama Nabi said...

We're also more writers than talkers. I, too, see the phone as an annoying logistic necessity. However... sometimes, it is nice to hear a voice.

YAY! Go Maddie. Hah... I let LN's preschool potty-train her so, hey, whatever works.

Nancy said...

I have a feeling that many of your readers will probably agree with you about the phone...that's why we blog! :)

And man, too bad about the date, but totally understandable.

GO MADDIE!! Burke and Maggie are still working on getting the hang of it...and they're 3.5. *sigh* Not sure if it's cuz I'm lazy, or just unmotivated ;)

Amy said...

High five Maddie! And her mom for waiting till MADDIE wanted to do this :) Bring on the pretty panty shopping trip! (Worked for me.)

I too am not a phone person. Used to be before I had kids but DO see how I could get back into it after the kids were in bed to talk to a Mr. Coffee ;)

So happy for you...

Anonymous said...

Before my husband met me he was an "essential phone conversationalist"(logistics and critical pieces of info only)...after we met, he started jotting down crib notes of things to talk about...(I used to travel a lot for work when we first met). 5 minute conversations evolved into 3 hour conversations and then to marriage...and the conversation has not stopped! So there is hope...And the "getting to knowwwwww you...getting to knowwww" all about you phase is so much fun.

Here's to great conversations and great communication and great dates!


Shosh said...

I hope you are as amused as I am that you get about 100 times as many comments on the posts where you write about kissing. Everyone is just too excited for you!

Silver said...

Sorry I am the most unmotivated potty trainer, my boys are 3 now and it isn't going well. I am thinking I will just wait and train my girl and boys all at once just to make it a bit more challenging!

Enjoy your next date!

Lizard said...

I was the most unmotivated. Actually, I was motivated but I know it just doesn't work.

My kid was almost 3.5 when she finally agreed to use the potty. She had shown that she could when she was two, and then she waited almost a year and a half before she finally was willing. I was nearly insane at that point.

So all I can say is GO MADDIE!!!! that rocks.

I hope date #4 is great and it isn't hampered by, you know, mom at home, waiting up for you.

The Guider said...

Enjoy your date and don't stress about the double potty-training, great that Maddie is ready and I am sure your son will follow.

Mine were the opposite of normal, my firstborn, a girl, trained at 3 and 1/4. My second, a boy, trained at 2 1/2. I have ceased trying to find rhyme or reason in the way my kids do things!

Steph said...

I am not a phone person at all either! Like you, I can carry on a phone conversation only with someone I've known for a long time.
In fact, the thing that bothered me the most about online dating was all the phone time that seems to be expected. Then I met my fiance, and he hated the phone as much as I did!
Glad to hear you're going for Mirena!

Christine said...

I hate the phone, too -- when it rings, I say, "dammit!" Good luck waiting until Friday. I am enjoying reading your happy updates!

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

My husband and I used to have nightly phone dates too since I was in Boston and he was in Providence. I actually dreaded them at first because I'm not a phone person either but I grew to really look forward to them. Hopefully, they'll become second nature to you and Mr.Coffee.

Yay for Maddie and the potty training! She's doing so well because you let her decide when she was ready. (So yay for being lazy!)

Tiffanie said...

Relationship is really about communication, right? Since you both are single parents, phone conversation would be a GREAT way to get to know eachother. It's a way you can spend time together when you really can't *be* together.

I was not a phone talker either when I met my boyfriend, but as time has passed, I've come to love that *pillow talk* at the end of a busy day where I can just breathe into the phone the happenings of my day and have an understanding person on the other end of the line.

Open your heart to it, you may like it.

Anonymous said...


I am a frequent reader and occasional commenter. I enjoy reading about your new romance so much. After far too many dates with freaks, I am now, thanks to you, optimistic again. Re the phone thing...I too hate talking on the phone, but as far as getting to know someone new (Coffee guy)it seems like the phone is more intimate than e-mail. I can’t wait to hear about your next date……

Anonymous said...

Aww.. Riley will always be there to support Maddie in her achievements. They are such little rock stars!

laura said...

Your children sound so familiar. My daughter loves to go on the potty and my son is ALL ABOUT carrying it over, pouring it in, flushing it down. It's mechanics, I guess.

Count me for unmotivated, too. The underpants have been sitting in their drawers for months. I'm too fearful to pull them out.

Tiffany said...

I just let my little one run around naked. Of course we had the accidents but I made no big deal out of it. I just told her that everyone has accidents.
At home she went diaper free and used diapers whenever we out (in the beginning). Pullups never worked since she saw a pullup as a diaper. This all was at age 2.

After a few months she took the initated to not use diapers at all during the day but still during naps and at bed time.

Around age 2.5 she was fully trained during the day and 90% of the time for naps and at night was hit or miss. We started a new daycare and they put pullups on her during naptime so diapers were now a thing of the past. Diapers were for babies.

Now at age 3 she if fully trained and we have not had a nightime accident in a very long time. But she is also old enough to get up at night and go potty if she has to.

Can't wait to hear about the date and I am getting the Mirena in tomorrow.

Cheryl said...

I've been reading your blog for a few months now as well and I think it's wonderful. Today as I was browsing I came across a blog called "A Widow for One Year." Her husband John died of pancreatic cancer in the fall of 2007 and she has 2 children, a boy and a girl. It's well-written and tells of her journey, just like yours. It just seemed such a coincidence, I had to share. Keep up the wonderful blog - and p.s. from this grandma's point of view, you sound like a wonderful mother!

Melinda said...

About the phone/writing thing...that sounds like my husband and I. I really hate telephones and, like you, I see them only as logistical tools and I only really enjoy talking on the phone to my mother. All other times, email is great.

My husband, on the other hand, is addicted to his phone. He'll call anyone at any time and talk forever. Top this with the fact that he has the worst cell phone etiquette of anyone I've met and you can understand our communication conundrum!

Heather said...

I think I'm the opposite of C. I work all day writing IMs and emails, so I'd rather be on the phone for my social conversations. And boy can I talk. I do 60-90 minute "virtual happy hours" with friends of mine across the country, and I am sort of sad if someone has to end a phone conversation with me in less than 30 minutes -- like I'm left with an unfinished conversation. My husband, on the other hand, is a logistical phone user, and most of our calls last less than 2 minutes, so he's gotten a pass. But it does mean that when he's gone for a business trip and calls and just asks open-ended questions about my day, it's all the more appreciated because I know it's not his style.

kimberly/tippy toes said...

I could not agree more about the phone!

Yay for Maddy! My son is the same age and he has no idea how things work down there. Some day...

~ Jolene said...

aww, she's such a big girl now! Good for you Maddie! And little Riley is still in diapers...I think it's so cute that his sister is out of diapers first. :)