19 August 2008

This is so embarrassing!

Internet, I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but hey! you know what kind of feminine protection I use,* so I guess nothing is sacred.

I put a profile up on an Internet dating site.

No, I am not kidding.

I don't know what came over me and I don't know if I'm going to do anything with any, um, interest that comes my way. And no, I'm not going to tell you which site because then you'll go look for it! A girl has to have some secrets.

I guess it's just that things have been a bit boring at work this week and I've been really sad lately, and I've been watching all of my happily married friends and their spouses and feeling jealous. So there I was at my desk this morning filling out this ridiculous profile and checking off boxes indicating what I want from a date. My profile was actually a little bit hostile, and as I wrote it, I thought, "If this is how you're describing yourself, perhaps you're not ready to do this." But then I clicked "Complete" and voila! my hostility was up for all to see.

I've actually had two e-mails from the service telling me that people are interested. But I can't see the guys' profiles unless I pay some money and sign up for the service, and I just don't see that happening yet. It's one thing to look around. It's another thing to pay money to look around.

This post may self-destruct. Until it does, I will ponder why I have done what I have done and why I feel so embarrassed to tell you about it.

Over and out.

*Can't find the post in which I raved about the DivaCup, so I'll just mention it again now.

52 comments:

Kizz said...

Did you mention the DivaCup in your profile? That might be a turn off. A little hostility, though? I know a ton of guys for whom that would be right up their alley.

Very brave, good on ya.

Anonymous said...

Don't be embarrassed! It can be fun even if you don't actually go out on a date. It's like online flirting. I think even just that can work wonders for feeling lonely, or wanted.

I put up a profile in December 2006, and am now happily engaged to a guy I met on OKcupid (it's totally FREE!).

Besides, how is else is a single mom supposed to meet eligible guys?

Anonymous said...

Wow! I am so happy for you. It takes some much courage to do it and then, somehow, the Date Gods take over and it isn't so scary any longer. Good for you. Like my therapist told me, "There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a date."

Snickollet said...

Kizz--

Ha! I managed to have the delicacy not to mention the DivaCup in my profile. I'll save that for the first date.

-snick

Anonymous said...

i don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about. I know it must be very hard for you. You are not letting go of John. He will always live in your heart.
But going back to the post. I don't know about that. I don't know if people would actually respond right away. I really think they just want your money. get a free profile up like the one the other anonymous person mentioned. good luck. you really deserve it.

What A Card said...

Oh fun! And a bit scary. Go, you!

And I promise, since I know no one here, I will never try to set you up on a blind date.

No matter what, though, it's not embarrassing. You rock!

SARAH said...

I did the same thing right after a terribly hard break up with a fiance. A friend suggested that I just read some of the responses to my profile just as a moral booster. It really did help to brighten my day and make me feel better; And an added bonus is that I eventually met my future husband on that site, and we've been very happily married for 6 years. There's no rule that says you have to act on any of the interested messages that you may get!

Clover said...

Good for you! What a big step, even if nothing comes of it.

Sarah said...

Nothing to be embarrased about, in my book. It's a way to get yourself out there - it's like getting dressed up and going out for a nice dinner with your girlfriends and scoping out the single men. Even if you're not ready right this second, it can be a pleasant diversion.

Internet dating is becoming so popular nowadays - my peer group is starting to discover that it's impossible to meet people anymore, especially once we graduated from college.

moo said...

I think a little hostility is OK ... I'm sure you're hesitant about putting yourself out there like that at all and that's going to come through.

Just because you get "hits" doesn't mean you have to follow through with anything. And if you do, well, that is OK too. You are an adult. You need adult companionship occasionally. Nothing wrong with that. John would understand.

I might be out of line here ... and please correct me if I'm wrong, but by the way you describe him, I'm pretty sure that John wouldn't want you to be alone and mourning him for the rest of your life.

katia / crazy for trying said...

That's how I met my husband -- I was bored at work and filled out a profile. Now it's 7 (4 of those married) years, 2 kids, 2 houses, and 1 dog later.

Anyway, if nothing else you'll get a bunch of free dinners (call me sexist, but the guy HAS to pay) at some nice restaurants and maybe meet some interesting people.

Jen said...

I'm with kizz.. mentioning the DivaCup in your profile would probably be a turn off.. at least to those who you'd WANT to respond..

Don't be embarassed.. the internet is a wonderful and (can be) a relatively safe way to look but not touch. I swear up and down that the reason the wife and I have clicked so well and dealt with challenges over our 8 years together is that we met on the internet.

My "advice".. sign up for the service.. pay a few bucks.. look over the profiles and chuckle.. if the mood suits you.. send an email or two. talking to someone can't hurt..

you crack me up.. i'm going to have to go peruse listings on popular sites.. *chuckle*

Badger said...

It's coming up the third anniversary of Mr. Badger's death, and although I assumed when he died, I'd spend the rest of my life alone, I've found someone to love and who loves me. It happens. We grieve profoundly, and if lucky, we move on to find new love.

Here's what's embarrassing for me: I often read your blog and Dorcasina's and feel guilty when I see you two continue to speak with such tenderness for your spouses. I know longer love the man who was my husband. I love another man.

It's a big step to move forward and do this, Snick. It's not easy -- neither the dating nor the guilt that (sometimes) accompanies it. But I wish you all the best in finding joy and companionship again.

Much love, as always.

Lyndsay said...

Good for you! Like the others have said, if nothing *special* comes of it, I'm sure it will at least provide some entertainment value! And if you end up with a morale boost from all the men intrigued by your hostility, then great!

Cari said...

I think that's great. You never know what might come of it -- I met my boyfriend online and we've been together 3 years. Maybe you'll find another single parent even. Good luck. You deserve someone wonderful.

carosgram said...

I think it is fabulous that you are willing to look. I think it is a sign that you had a good marriage and therefore it is attractive to investigate the possibilities of another. My marriage was terrible and I have never tried it again. Even my dates tend to be with people there is no possibility of a future with. It is a tribute to John that you would want that kind of relationship again. Go for it!

Anonymous said...

advice to a new internet dater:

It's sometimes difficult to know whether there would be chemistry or a connection in person, just because it happens online... so internet dating allows for the real potential of false leads, unfortunately.

On the flip side, I found that the internet was a GREAT way to rule people out. Heck, if a person can't fascinate me from behind the smoke-n-mirrors of the computer, with all the time in the world to come up with clever things to say, flirty repartee, and liberal use of a spell-checker, they're not likely to live up to my standards in person. Sounds, snooty, I know, but never failed to be true when tested.

Happy to discuss further if you entertain further steps in this direction.

oh, and good for you. sounds like fun, actually.

s_ivan

Holly said...

Don't be embarrassed. I think it's a good step. Only you will know when you are ready to do more than look around.

Good for you.

Sylvie said...

Snick, I feel like I want to give you a hug. I guess it is really hard to start dating when you were happy with your prior relationship, but bad circumstances mean that you're looking again. As one internet site says, it's OK to look. And it's also OK to feel weird about it. I would feel weird too. You are brave, keep on!

Megan said...

Congratulations! I think the internet is a great way to make connections, or just to have some fun even if you decide you're not ready to date.

tropicalg77 said...

Lost of credit to you! The first hurdle is even thinking about doing it and then well DOING IT!! Let it sit like that for awhile, if your curiosity gets the best of you...well pay and see what people are saying about you.

You just never know!!

denise said...

If you're looking for some "connections" to meet new people, check out Meetup (http://www.meetup.com), it's a Great place to meet new friends of similar interest, or new interests that you've been wondering about. It's Not about dating - it's about just getting out and having fun without the stress of dating. Good Luck!

meaningful revisions said...

I think I got the Diva Cup because of you're recommendation! They should pay you royalties. :-) Congratulations on setting up the profile. I had terrible luck with online dating but you live in a much more populated/diverse area. Good luck!

Watercolor said...

I have done it and am doing it now. I did match.com for a year and met two men I dated there. Doing eharmony now. I found I met a lot more men on match.com but there are so many that are just looking for hookups and seem to be less emotionally mature. At least the two I got involved with turned out to be so, lol. I find that the men on eharmony seem to be more stable and are really looking for a relationship. Something about paying more and filling out that huge personality profile seems to weed out the ones just looking for the next chick. Of course, those are gross generalities and not necessarily true for each individual man. I've come across a couple of strange ones on eharmony. What I liked about match.com was the ability to search myself and having to sit back and wait is frustrating on eharmony. Also, you get matches on eharmony that you may be good with on their "deeper lever" that you have no actual real life things in common with. But, hey, it's a way to meet people like anything else. Since my friends don't know anyone to fix me up with.... sigh.

Just remember, lunch or a drink is the best first meeting. It has a clear end time so you aren't stuck for an entire evening with a strange man who talks about his dead fiance all night... been there, not fun, lol.

Watercolor said...

oh, and a lot of the guys will be great on the phone and not in person so don't give too much info in your phone conversations. Just because there is chemistry there, doesn't mean there will be in person.

jenn said...

Good for you! At least this gives you the option of going out on a date. If you don't feel like it, you don't have to.

MDT said...

OKCupid.com! Free! Fun! Real people! Hooray!

Anne said...

Don't feel embarassed one bit!!! It's very common, so many people do it. Now I'm going to sound like an older sister and tell you to be careful and be safe. And after you're careful and safe, then have some fun and just enjoy some dates. It's just coffee! I'm thinking good thoughts for you and wishing you some fun.

Anonymous said...

Good for you! When you decide you really actually do want to go on a date, let us know what you're looking for...I'm (and I'm sure others are) in the Boston area, we can help you look! :)

--CA

Brainy girl said...

Another internet dating success story here - been married 6 years to someone I met on Love@AOL - and I was the one and only person he ever wrote to! You never know... and it's damn entertaining if nothing else...

Jamie said...

It's good thing - Meet people, have fun.... LIVE LIFE!!!!!!

mom2cuteboys said...

plenty of fish . com

lots of people and amusing if nothing else and yes the diva cup rocks!

Jacinda said...

Good for you! Maybe just putting the post of yourself out there will help you feel a tiny - if not speck of sand - bit better.

Plus - on the bright side - you and your friends can enjoy a few chuckles over those that may take a peek at you....

Amy said...

Hey, don't feel shy about mentioning this. If you did it you obviously kinda/sorta wanted to :) All good.

And if you do find someone remotely interesting going out (and telling us all about it ;) will be an adventure right?

Silver said...

Nothing to be embarrassed about! Hey you never know, even if you make a new friend it will all be worthwhile!

buddha_girl said...

Holy crap! Hostility for the world to see on a dating site?

AND you've already received two hits?

I'm proud of you. You're stretching your wings while continuing to be the very honest Snick we love.

Anonymous said...

I will now share with you the "rating" system my friend Teresa and I used more than 15 years ago when we were back in the dating game again (only then it was through personal ads and dating services, not online yet). This system is great fun and helps you keep your sense of humor while you look forward to the next date. It's a scale from 1 to 10.

0-3: Nothing at all in common. Don't even bother calling again.
4-5: Nice enough guy - May be worth a second date or even a third, but don't expect anything regular to develop.
6-8: Fun time - definitely plan on seeing again, and planning a few weeks out. Introduction to friends a possibility, but not to family.
9-10: "Hello, Mom?"

Samantha said...

Hey Snickollet, I've read your blog for more than a year but I've never commented. I just wanted to say I think that it is GREAT that you are putting yourself out there like that.

Tiffi33 said...

Do not be embarrassed...internet dating isn't always cheesy..it is only one more way to meet someone..it's hard in this world to find someone who is worthy..

and enjoy the rejects who post you messages, THAT will make forsome good blogging chickie!!!!

bg's Little Sis said...

Wow Snick, I think it's natural to want to have a date, I think it's brave of you to be putting yourself out there, I love that you felt a little hostile...I'm trying the Diva cup next month.

Enough about me, good luck:)

Steph said...

What's the point unless you go all the way?
I met my fiance through an online dating service 4 years ago. I couldn't believe what I was doing at the time either. For me it took a couple of months to meet someone with whom I was very compatible, but it took him less time.

Kirsten said...

I met my husband on Matchmaker.com - no kidding! We were married 5 years ago at ages 34 and 38, and we have a 4 year old daughter and 10 month old son. When I got on the Internet dating scene, my father told me "well, you are on there, so there must be other normal people on there, too!" What a great sentiment. You will be contacted by some whackos, but good guys are out there, too (I got one of them)!

Just as gravy, I will add that two of my best friends met their husbands on the Internet, too - one is an Episcopal priest whose profession made it hard for her to meet people, the other was the pickiest dater I ever met. Both girlfriends married their Internet dudes in their 30's and have been happily married for several years now.

Anonymous said...

OH Just have fun with it...
I did it...went on a few dates, and had one more serious relationship...But had the most fun just talking to people, people I knew I would never meet let alone date. It was fun.
A girl I work with met her hubby online...but you are ready for that..so just take it for what it's worth. It's not different at this point than people watching at the mall...
Oh and please share the "crazies" with us so we can all have a laugh...

Lauren

Lyndsay said...

I saw that somebody recommended "Plenty of fish . com"... one of my friends used this - I was taken aback when I thought she was searching for a mate on "Plenty-offish".... try to avoid the "offish" ones if you can.

Anonymous said...

I got married last month to a man I met on Match.com. As their commercials say, "It's okay to look." And it's okay to go on a date, too.

Two Peas In a Pod said...

I had no idea what a DivaCup was until I read this post....OMG...that has to be the coolest thing that I have ever seen or heard of in my life! Thank you for sharing that!! :)

Nancy said...

Found my husband of almost 5 years (and 3 kids) on an internet dating site.

...found a lot of whackos too, so be careful! :)

GO YOU!!!

Sandy said...

Two of our dearest friends met future spouses through online dating sites. And I can't imagine two better-suited couples! Enjoy!

Can't wait to hear how it goes!

Sandy said...

Two of our dearest friends met future spouses through online dating sites. And I can't imagine two better-suited couples! Enjoy!

Can't wait to hear how it goes!

django's mommy said...

OMG, ME TOO. Maybe one day we will both be brave enough to pay money & then we can compare horror stories...

(doesn't it really suck to have to do this again?? Last time I dated, I was 23 and NO ONE did the online thing. Sigh.)

Nina said...

I know two people that met and married someone they met on one of those internet dating sites. I know another person who just started dating someone from an internet dating site.

If I was single, I'd totally be using those. I'm convinced that they're so much better than meeting someone at a bar. Totally shouldn't be embarrassed! :)

Chris said...

For what it's worth (and yes soon I'll stop reading and commmenting on stuff from 2 years ago)I met my husband from an online dating site, back when EVERYONE thought it was weird to be on the internet, let alone "dating" from it. So, just saying, it can be fun, . And even if I hadn't met my Mr. Right boy did I EVER get dating stories out of it--serious entertainment to be had.:)