12 June 2008

Struggles

Deciding what is a big deal and what to just let go.
Determining when a rule needs to be followed and when it's time to make an exception.
Figuring out what I need versus what people are telling me that I need.
Respecting a schedule, but being willing to go with the flow.
Giving my children what they need and want without spoiling them.
Taking care of myself and my children.
Really believing that I cannot control other people's feelings or actions.
Making peace with the fact that the only person I can change is myself.

These are some big ones for me right now. What are your struggles?

45 comments:

NanarocksWeen said...

Struggles: hating my job, but having to stay for health insurance, allowing time for myself while still giving enough to my daughters and grandsons, accepting what IS and what never WILL BE again (putting the past where it belongs--behind me, not easy to do). Learning what it means to be SIXTY!

Kizz said...

Forgiveness
Hating my job
Wanting the bravery to leap into doing something I love
Wanting the bravery to wade into the dating pool
Forgiveness
Fear
But mostly it's the forgiveness thing

Cobblestone said...

My struggle is recognizing that what I am about to recieve is a blessing when in truth it is the last thing that I want and from this vantage point it feels like it will lead to destruction instead of growth.

At the same time knowing that in the months and years ahead there is the risk that I will shame myself or ever having failed to recognize the blessing and be joyful from the beginning.

Still, this is my truth now. My truth my grow and mature but it is my truth now.

Pantheist Mom said...

Admitting that I cannot save the world. (I have an inflated view of myself, often). Admitting that it is acceptable to be human. (I have a poor self-image, often). Allowing myself to just be.

My name is Andy. said...

My struggles sound an awful lot like yours! If you find that magic elixer, let me know!!

SSU said...

Trying to balance being a mom, a wife, and working part-time.
Making time for myself other than sitting in front of the computer
Remembering to put God first in my life

Anonymous said...

Trying to raise a healthy daughter in the midst of a wildly dysfunctional divorce.
Trying to figure out a way to approach my ex-husband in a loving way, when the love I used to have has been replaced with disgust and anger.
Trying to feel whole, when what I really feel is broken.
Trying to be ok with not knowing if I'll ever feel loved again.
Trying to recognize that I already am loved. A lot.

Anonymous said...

Dealing with the fact that my 3 employees individually hate working for me - and that I've been oblivious to it for months! ughhh. details to follow on Saturday at the park. - s

Clover said...

I struggle with most of those- particularly the parenting-related ones. But also the "can't change other people" one- that's a big one right now.

tousquireste said...

Living up to my ideals (health + fitness; social responsibility)

Wanting more time from some people, but never feeling like I'm giving enough to others.

Resenting/being jealous of friends who have more fiscal security than me.

surfergirl said...

Having a loving spirit - when I just hope some people disappear from the face of the earth - (namely my out-laws)
Allowing my hubby to have a say about when we make a baby
Actually working, and not reading blogs!

Heather said...

surfergirl, I hear ya. My current struggles are:
- coming to terms with the fact we may never have kids.
- finding time for myself that isn't just cleaning and remodeling projects
- accepting God's direction in my life
- trying to find friends in an unfriendly town
- finding the motivation to be the workaholic I've been in the past (or at least to just be productive for a full days in a row again).

Trish said...

Oh man, do I hear you. My struggles:

Accepting that who I am now includes depression and anxiety
Accepting that these things do not make me bad, or defective, or even less of a human being
Accepting that I am worthy of love, and that I am just as good as anyone else (shades of Stuart Smalley there)
Accepting that other people have their limitations, and that I cannot make someone be the person I want them to be
Accepting that my parents raised us as best they could, and that I do not have to be limited by that
Learning that expressing my emotions does not make me weak
Learning to take chances
Learning that fear will not kill me
Learning that I can get what I need from people by being me, and not just for my problems

Thanks for this, Snick - sometimes it's good to write this stuff down.

Emma's mom said...

My daughter - she's five and going through a rebellious phase (please let it only be a phase) and just flatly refuses to take direction from me. I'm tired of being the bad guy. It's hard not to give in - I work long hours and don't see her for most of the day and then am tired physically and mentally and just want to enjoy a peaceful evening with her. It is so hard not to just give in and let the disrespectful behavior slide. My husband lets a lot of behavior pass - I guess he's part of my struggle.

Paula

OTRgirl said...

Figuring out how to fit in time in the morning to spend with God, exercise and sleep in. It's not working that well. Sleep usually wins.

Trying not to act like the bossy big sister to the slovenly guy next to me at work.

Feeling like I'm drifting through my days and wasting them for the most part.

mlg said...

trying to protect the kid and give her everything to live as normal a life as possible

vs.

letting the kid work through most things on her own to learn how to be independent for the days when she is on her own.

erinwithalatte said...

Taking care of myself vs. my responsibilities to work and others
Keeping my relationship fresh
Remembering the grass isn't always greener

Juicebox Mom said...

Picking your Battles. Trying to figure out which battles are the correct ones to Fight. I get and agree regarding: Pick your Battles. However, as they grow older and especially into early teens sometimes the battles you chose not to fight become major issues and the 'gateway drug' to new battles that are 10 times harder to fight.

Watercolor said...

Accepting that I am ill and cannot do everything I used to be able to do. But having the courage to set creative goals and continue to strive for them. Wondering if at 40, I ever will find love. Accepting that at 40 and still single, I am not going to have babies of my own most likely.

buddha_girl said...

We have so many of these in common...in addition to:
*Wanting to come to some sense of peace concerning my mother in law
*Needing to somehow make it clear to my husband that I need him to step up without having him get defensive
*Stop feeling guilt-ridden when I don't obtain perfection in EVERYTHING I do
*Cursing even though I know it makes me look and sound trashy and uncontrolled
*Knowing when I need to walk away from people who frustrate me rather than engage with them


The list could likely go on.

Brave post, Snick!

Anonymous said...

Quitting smoking for the 21st time in the last 2 years. On day 10..

moo said...

Money and unexpected financial woes ... having to make a trip we cannot afford and do not want to ... worry that my two year old is not talking ... worrying my mother will never find a job to fit her needs ... worrying that I don't spend enough (quality) time with my kid ... and, selfishly, that I will never get a mommy mobile since gas prices are so astronmical.

Keen said...

Many of my struggles are the same as yours. Right now, my big one is trying to fairly divide my time and energy between my two boys, who seem to need such different things from me right now.

Loved the post.

Rev Dr Mom said...

Trying to do my job and be a good team player with a boss I don't totally respect (for many reasons).

Mrs. Fire Family Williams said...

I think the struggles that you listed apply to every mother. I identified with most of the struggles that you listed. You are very honest and open. As long as you keep seeking you will find peace and balance in dealing with your struggles.

Jill said...

Making peace with my flaws. Trying to figure out which ones are worth changing and which ones I should accept.

Anonymous said...

Struggles: Loving my job but struggling with the fact that it just doesn't pay enough. Learning at age twenty-seven that I have a genetic disorder of the retina that is causing me to go blind. Three years later, still figuring out how to tell my friends. Worrying that I won't be able to work (and repay my $120,000 in law school loans). Feeling like I won't be able to accomplish all the things I planned ("Now I have to be the first woman president AND the first blind president?" I once said mockingly.) Wondering how I would be able to raise the children I planned to have. Learning to be brave enough to publicly acknowledge that I am going blind, so I don't have to post as anonymous!

Blessings: My husband and every day I can still see the sky, whether blue and sunny, gray and cold, or dark and stormy.

There. I think I accomplished more now than in an hour of therapy.

Thanks for the prompt, Snick.

Anonymous said...

Struggle - trying to keep an upbeat attitude and not breakdown and cry in front of my Mom. Whom is dying from Cancer. She was given 2 to 3 months back in February - it's now five months later.

I think she's telling cancer to F OFF!

Iselyahna said...

Forgiveness, fear, anxiety, learning that I'm not in control of everything - AND THAT THAT'S OKAY.

Anonymous said...

No self discipline. I have a very hard time doing anything I don't feel like doing.

I am actually at a very happy point in my life. I wanted a child for years and years and years and I adopted my daughter a little while ago; she has made me happier then I ever imagined but these are my struggles.

I am always late. Never seem to be able to leave on time.

I should go to sleep but I stay up reading all night or watching a good movie.

I should get up earlier but I keep hitting the snooze button

I should get my projects done at work but I like to play Free Rice on the computer.

I should do school skills with my child but instead we play or watch Noggin

I should put her to bed at a reasonable time but I keep her up to midnight so I can play with her. I work all day and I miss her.

Everything I have to do with is very messy, I never feel like straightening up or organizing

Should diet but I really like eating whatever I like when ever I feel like it

I like to drink wine every day

I should exercise every day at lunch- not going to happen

I should budget and be careful about money I don't even balance my check book any more.

I am addicted to buying used books on amazon

I manage to lose important things like my keys or credit card almost daily

Anonymous said...

The fact that I have not dropped a single pound despite working out religiously and eating well for the past several months.

Not freaking out over very small stuff that does not warrant anger/tears/etc. (i.e., Putting It Into Perspective)

Approaching stuff smiling/relaxed as a default mode instead of a rarity.

mek said...

Oh, I hear you with so many of these! My personal beasts:
* trying to have enough of me to go around for all the roles: wife, mother, daughter, poet, teacher, SELF
* balancing gratitude for all I have with the hungry ghost of all I wish I had
* patience
* accepting there are some people I will never like, and still trying hard to be very nice to these same people
* not letting my part-time job (which I love but which does not pay well or reward extra time) take over the rest of my life

Anonymous said...

Being so insecure.

Wanting my son to love his little sister, instead of hitting her all the time. She adores him, but he is just so mean to her.

Anonymous said...

meeting my obligations at work when i really want to devote all my time to my art

giving too much to parents, lover, and friends who aren't there

fixing my credit, getting in shape, and getting on a routine and budget

feeling unsupported and alone

procrastination

anxiety

wow -- those aren't as impressive as others' :-) self-esteem.

Julia said...

Procrastination. And getting done everything that needs to be done (as opposed to taking a blog break and "waking up" way too much time later).

Little Read Hen said...

No health insurance.

Mothering through uncharted territory.

Tomorrow I meet Boyfriend's fifteen year old son. For the first time. After over a year together.

Picking them up from the airport in Seattle.

My two year old is just easier. She loves everyone with a bare minimum of skeptisism.

Aiieyeyeeye!

Finding something I want to make a life out of. Not there yet. Miss a real paycheck.

Tired of being tired/scared/beat-to-hell.

Really, really strugging with the concept of a second baby. Not sure. At. All. What that would mean or when.

Sigh. Wine. Sweet King sized bed in the hotel room. Ahhh. Running Green Lake tomorrow. Fave.......

Holly said...

Accepting that I can't cure my best friend's illness
Finding the courage to break up with my boyfriend
... those are the biggies...

Emily said...

Trying to be the person I really want to be

Figuring out how to have a relationship with my alcoholic mother, or if we even can have a relationship (the whole "can't change other people" thing is a huge part of this)

Learning how to take care of a new baby while being the mother I wish I had

Reading through my list and wondering if restarting therapy would be a good idea. I'm thinking yes.

Green said...

Walking is a struggle for me right now. Putting any weight on my right foot is a struggle for me right now. All this means that getting anything done this weekend is a big struggle, as I have no time during the week.

Anonymous said...

Trying to accept that everything happens for a reason, and that I may never understand what the reason is, but I must accept certain things that I cannot change. And I am an atheist, so this is a biggy for me ...

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this.

dealing with my fear of failure and chronic procrastination so I can actually do something with my life

accepting that there will never be enough money so I might as well just go back to school now

learning to ignore the voice in my head that tells me people are judging me

stop romanticizing the past and worrying about the future and just enjoy the moment

accepting that I am an emotional person

--niz

Katherine said...

Having the energy to work full-time and be an active single parent to a preteen and a teenager.

Feeling left out socially now that I am no longer part of a couple

Dating at the age of 48, with lots of baggage to boot

Finding the faith that carried me through my husband's 4 yr bout with pancreatic cancer. He died two years ago. Two months later, I found out I had breast cancer (fortunately, an early stage) . . . but along with a breast I lost my longtime faith in a God who loves me and has my best interests at heart.

Missing my husband every day, but also missing just being part of a loving, close, growing relationship.

Hating working fulltime but knowing this job is my best shot for providing for my kids and for keeping health insurance.

Being depressed that summer is here, school is out, and I'll be at WORK instead of enjoying time with my kids.

Thanks for your post. It is making me think about how I need to stop struggling with some of these and just accept them.

Anne said...

My biggest struggle is accepting what is and more importantly enjoying it, instead of focusing on what might have been. Second is not living in my head which is related to above.

Anonymous said...

Struggles: trying to figure out how to balance my life of work, mother and devoted wife. It is not easy at times.

Lynda said...

My struggle - keeping my cool with customer service people when "service" isn't clearly comprehended.

But, that's minor... I have a teenager, and believe me, it's not easy, but a good friend taught me a great lesson. On a scale of 1 - 10, what kind of problem is it?

She wants to stay out till 11pm instead of 10:30pm - that's a 1. Coming home pregnant would be a 10.

No 10's yet!