26 January 2008

Acceptance

I accepted the job. I am looking forward to giving my notice on Monday morning, first thing. Why wait around?

I have accepted that although I might deny it from time to time, my children are good eaters. In the past week, they have eaten—with great relish—hummus (by the spoonful!); pizza with spinach and mozzarella on whole-wheat crust; brown rice balls with feta, parsley, and spinach; pomegranate; pasta with tuna, lemon, capers, garlic, and parsley; and whole-wheat/banana/raisin/oatmeal cookies. They've eaten plenty of other things, too, like crackers, applesauce, yogurt, pears, and other stereotypical toddler fare, but the other items surprised and pleased me. Go, babies!

I have accepted that at age 36 and as the single parent of two very active toddlers, two beers is one too many.

I have accepted that at age 36 and as the single parent of two very active toddlers, a little makeup does, in fact, make me feel better on the inside and make me look better on the outside. By better I mean less tired, less stressed, and less old.

I have accepted that at age 36 and as the single parent of two very active toddlers who are currently not winning any awards in the category of Sleep, caffeine does, in fact, have a place in my life, and that's OK.

I am trying to accept that I need to figure out a way to make regular exercise a part of my life, even if it means sacrificing something else. My mental health would improve if I did this, not to mention my physical health.

I am trying to accept that I really need to make a budget and stick to it.

I am trying to accept that John really is gone forever. Just yesterday, I had one of those days when about ten things made me think, "Oh, I can't wait to get home and tell John that!" Sigh.

16 comments:

Julia said...

Not easy to accept that last part. I am sorry.

Yay on the job and on eating habits. And yes, caffeine can be your friend.

Sylvie said...

The last one is almost too hard to accept. We are so independent and stubborn, traveling and studying, and finally find someone where you want to slow down and be together. It is just very sad, I'm sorry it has to be like that.

alice said...

YEAH, Congratulations on the job and the excellent eating habits. I was green with envy how varied and oxident rich their diet is.

Pat yourself on the back! I hope you will take some time off in between jobs to relax.

Alice

Jenn said...

Congrats again on the job. Any chance you'll share that rice ball reciepe? For some reason that sounded SO good right now.

buddha_girl said...

Acceptance of most things doesn't come easily. I think you've come a long way on a hard road.

As for the baybays eating off of that great food - HOORAY! I love it when our kids surprise and impress us!

I'm doing a Baybay Sleep Well Dance for you!

carosgram said...

I found that budgets are a funny thing. On one hand they restrict your spending and yet they also free you up from making decisions and allow you to plan a future. Good luck with your budget.

Angela said...

Accepting the last one, the most difficult one of all, those moments that you want to share with John, I'm so sorry that he's not there to share them with you. Sending you big hugs and good thoughts.
The twins are obviously thriving and doing great, woohoo that's so awesome that they have such a varied and sophisticated palate. My six year old is so picky, sometimes I just want to pull my hair out!

Jill said...

My daughter is two and a half weeks older than your twins, and if I handed her half those things, I think they might end up across the room, much to my dismay. I'm really sorry and really sad for some of the things you have to accept, but your little ones sound like they're thriving. Well done you.

debangel said...

Oh, sweetie {{{hug}}} Those moments are so hard, and so bittersweet. I still have moments like that about my mom, and I just go ahead and tell her about my day anyway.

The list of foods your kids are eating just blows me away! You are SuperMom! Wait, you didn't get an "S" as your tattoo, did you?? ;)

Melany aka Supermom said...

Acceptance isn't always as easy as people make it out to be. HUGS to you. I think accepting John is gone is very hard and painful. HUGS again

Kathryn said...

Yeah- that acceptance thing is a process...be kind to yourself...you are achieving wonders on a daily basis (not just those fab eating habits of your tinies)I wish things were different for you. I wish you weren't on your own. But I admire you hugely for the way you deal with it.

mlg said...

acceptance can really be a bitch. I am so willing to accept the good things, but the great things are sometimes unbelievable and take a while to sink in.

The bad things are very hard to accept. It doesn't help when you are a stubborn woman like me, used to making it happen. I am guessing you are the same. Things like death and wheelchairs just suck because no amount of effort can change what they are. It has been 12 years and I am still having trouble accepting the wheelchair! I hope John's passing gets easier to live with as time goes by. I haven't been in your shoes, so I can only send wishes and strength your way.

babybound said...

Congrats on the new job!! That's fantastic news.

Sorry about the last part. Maybe get to a point where you can accept that you are not super human and its ok to not accept his passing? I don't know. But I'm still sorry.

Sandra said...

I hope this year is much better to you.

Cobblestone said...

It's been six years, when I have those moments with my John I just look at at the sky and say, "did you see that?!"

Acceptance and "I can't wait ..." can live together in one heart.

Mama Nabi said...

Somethings are easier to accept than others... and accepting that you still miss John is more than acceptable... that you will always miss him...
All I can offer as a bloggy friend is a cyber *hug* for now and listen. I know I don't have the perfect words, probably botching what I am trying to say... You are one of my heros.